Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

Fifty bucks says you’re a guy who is either divorced or never married.

No I’m a married woman of 25+ years who doesn’t yell at my H when we disagree over how to spend money.

OP needs to get a grip.

She was screaming at her H, step 1, walk away if you are frustrated, wait 20 minutes for your body to regulate, request a time to discuss.

Or use your own money and never have the conversation.

The fact that you sound like a divorced dude should tell you something. Why do you believe it’s “his” money? That’s usually a misogynist male attitude.

The fact that OP Admitted that she was the one who started yelling first and you’re defending her and you think only a misogynistic Male would defend him says a lot about you.

She was wrong first. He is wrong too but she needs to stop starting fights and playing the victim. It’s extremely immature and toxic.

I didn't defend her at all. I just find it telling that you'd say she needs to get "her own" money to pay for this. If you don't think a husband's money is a wife's money too, you're coming from a misogynistic perspective and your entire interpretation of the situation is suspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

Maybe he is just being practical. What is the household income? How much do you bring in? What will the certificate do for your career? My DH would love to spend money on a number of things, as would I. I would love to take some classes that I didn’t get a chance to in college. But it’s not in the budget right now. For most people, $4K is not insignificant.

Without more context, it’s hard to tell if your DH is being a jerk about the class, or if this would be a sacrifice in the budge without much to gain. It’s not always about what you want.

You can be practical, you can even be angry and have a fight without cursing someone out. And if OP's DH can't, he should figure his stuff out fast.

[Anonymous]

To use am I the ahole rules, ESH. Everyone sucks here.

Both of you did things that were entirely unacceptable and it was in response to an entirely unremarkable interaction.

Break up, seriously. You are NOT bringing out the best in each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

Fifty bucks says you’re a guy who is either divorced or never married.

No I’m a married woman of 25+ years who doesn’t yell at my H when we disagree over how to spend money.

OP needs to get a grip.

She was screaming at her H, step 1, walk away if you are frustrated, wait 20 minutes for your body to regulate, request a time to discuss.

Or use your own money and never have the conversation.

The fact that you sound like a divorced dude should tell you something. Why do you believe it’s “his” money? That’s usually a misogynist male attitude.

The fact that OP Admitted that she was the one who started yelling first and you’re defending her and you think only a misogynistic Male would defend him says a lot about you.

She was wrong first. He is wrong too but she needs to stop starting fights and playing the victim. It’s extremely immature and toxic.

I didn't defend her at all. I just find it telling that you'd say she needs to get "her own" money to pay for this. If you don't think a husband's money is a wife's money too, you're coming from a misogynistic perspective and your entire interpretation of the situation is suspect.

No it’s not misogynistic to “have your own money”. If I’d tell a dude to use “his own money” too. Why do you assume he makes more money or has money to give? That’s misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

Maybe he is just being practical. What is the household income? How much do you bring in? What will the certificate do for your career? My DH would love to spend money on a number of things, as would I. I would love to take some classes that I didn’t get a chance to in college. But it’s not in the budget right now. For most people, $4K is not insignificant.

Without more context, it’s hard to tell if your DH is being a jerk about the class, or if this would be a sacrifice in the budge without much to gain. It’s not always about what you want.

You can be practical, you can even be angry and have a fight without cursing someone out. And if OP's DH can't, he should figure his stuff out fast.

Don’t you mean if OP cant disagree without yelling and throwing things? Anger is a choice, anger is useless and not reasonable in this situation.

[Anonymous]

So you are angry because he didn't respond properly to your verbal abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

Did you talk to him about how its something that you have wanted for a while? Sometimes women leave out those types of details and just assume the man knows

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it don't have kids leave now.

This. It does not sound like a healthy relationship, OP. Might be time to cut losses, work on yourself and find someone new.

Children bring a LOT of added stress and your marriage is already verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative. Do your future children a favor and find them a different father. Otherwise, divorce and co-parenting with a man who has contempt for you is in the cards. Your kids will grow up to mimic this behavior, becoming abusive or vicitms/co-dependent. You deserve better, OP.

Maybe check out a CODA meeting and their materials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To use am I the ahole rules, ESH. Everyone sucks here.

Both of you did things that were entirely unacceptable and it was in response to an entirely unremarkable interaction.

Break up, seriously. You are NOT bringing out the best in each other.

Your marriage is NOT going to last, OP. Get out now while you are young enough to find someone else. Do NOT have kids with this man in this toxic household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

Wow, he escalated that badly and quickly.

He needs anger mgmt, house rules and consequences - like leave the property.

[Anonymous]

Everybody has their standards. If my H ever once called me a name like that it would be a deal breaker. If you let him get away with it once, watch out. Maybe do a search for former threads where H called wife the c*** word.

[Anonymous]

You can’t throw things, OP. That crosses a pretty bright line.

[Anonymous]

I would not want to have children with a man like this. Also, it sounds like you have an anger management problem and I would work on that before having a child.

So I suggest you divorce, and get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it don't have kids leave now.

Typical DCUM idiocy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

Wow, he escalated that badly and quickly.

He needs anger mgmt, house rules and consequences - like leave the property.

Agree.

What’s annoying about asking for and making a case for an investment in your skills or education or certification.

Two adults should be able to get their points across without cursing, saying shut up or storming off.

At a minimum if he didn’t like the idea or cost he should take some time and look into why it’s not worth it, and you vice versa.