Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

Maybe he is just being practical. What is the household income? How much do you bring in? What will the certificate do for your career? My DH would love to spend money on a number of things, as would I. I would love to take some classes that I didn’t get a chance to in college. But it’s not in the budget right now. For most people, $4K is not insignificant.

Without more context, it’s hard to tell if your DH is being a jerk about the class, or if this would be a sacrifice in the budge without much to gain. It’s not always about what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We were having an argument and he called me the b word. I basically lost it and started yelling at him to stop calling me that. He told me to shut up which infuriated me even more. He closed the door in my face and I got angry and threw his shoes at the door. He called me crazy and left the house.

I am so embarrassed at behaving that way. But he often calls me a b-word when things get heated. And I’ve told him multiple times to please not call me that. I recently had a miscarriage and he has been so supportive through everything that I was so shocked and hurt when he resorted to demean me by using that one ugly simple word.

I feel so embarrassed to have acted so crazy. Ugh.

So horrible!

When you've asked him to stop calling you that word, what does he say?

Obviously, you two need ground rules for arguments.

What's happening OP, is that your DH is saying something disrespectful, you're responding by flying off the handle, he then has the high ground to divert attention to your lack of self-control, and *not* where it should be-- the fact that he started it by calling you a demeaning word. I bet this is a pattern.

Sit him down calmly, tell him that if he calls you names or disrespectful during an argument, you're going to remain calm and leave the room. If he doesn't get the message, you might leave the marriage. Mean it.

I agree with this except he doesn't have the high ground. . That's the excuse he will use to justify his bad behavior. He was goading op.
They have a really bad dynamic here.. they need ground rules and possibly marital counseling. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

Fifty bucks says you’re a guy who is either divorced or never married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

Fifty bucks says you’re a guy who is either divorced or never married.

No I’m a married woman of 25+ years who doesn’t yell at my H when we disagree over how to spend money.

OP needs to get a grip.

She was screaming at her H, step 1, walk away if you are frustrated, wait 20 minutes for your body to regulate, request a time to discuss.

Or use your own money and never have the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We were having an argument and he called me the b word. I basically lost it and started yelling at him to stop calling me that. He told me to shut up which infuriated me even more. He closed the door in my face and I got angry and threw his shoes at the door. He called me crazy and left the house.

I am so embarrassed at behaving that way. But he often calls me a b-word when things get heated. And I’ve told him multiple times to please not call me that. I recently had a miscarriage and he has been so supportive through everything that I was so shocked and hurt when he resorted to demean me by using that one ugly simple word.

I feel so embarrassed to have acted so crazy. Ugh.

So horrible!

When you've asked him to stop calling you that word, what does he say?

Obviously, you two need ground rules for arguments.

What's happening OP, is that your DH is saying something disrespectful, you're responding by flying off the handle, he then has the high ground to divert attention to your lack of self-control, and *not* where it should be-- the fact that he started it by calling you a demeaning word. I bet this is a pattern.

Sit him down calmly, tell him that if he calls you names or disrespectful during an argument, you're going to remain calm and leave the room. If he doesn't get the message, you might leave the marriage. Mean it.

I agree with this except he doesn't have the high ground. . That's the excuse he will use to justify his bad behavior. He was goading op.
They have a really bad dynamic here.. they need ground rules and possibly marital counseling. .

Oh, come on. If a couple were having a discussion about finances, and the husband started yelling at the wife because he couldn't spend money the way he wanted, you'd be calling him abusive.

This is a pointless exercise - there is no way of allocating responsibility, or who started it, without knowing exactly what was said, and the history. And OP is not going to be a reliable narrator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

Fifty bucks says you’re a guy who is either divorced or never married.

No I’m a married woman of 25+ years who doesn’t yell at my H when we disagree over how to spend money.

OP needs to get a grip.

She was screaming at her H, step 1, walk away if you are frustrated, wait 20 minutes for your body to regulate, request a time to discuss.

Or use your own money and never have the conversation.

The fact that you sound like a divorced dude should tell you something. Why do you believe it’s “his” money? That’s usually a misogynist male attitude.

[Anonymous]

So, he called you a name you didn’t like and you throw shoes.


Some things a certificate program can’t fix.

[Anonymous]

He should be embarrassed. He did the first strike by calling you a B. All bets are off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

Fifty bucks says you’re a guy who is either divorced or never married.

No I’m a married woman of 25+ years who doesn’t yell at my H when we disagree over how to spend money.

OP needs to get a grip.

She was screaming at her H, step 1, walk away if you are frustrated, wait 20 minutes for your body to regulate, request a time to discuss.

Or use your own money and never have the conversation.

The fact that you sound like a divorced dude should tell you something. Why do you believe it’s “his” money? That’s usually a misogynist male attitude.

The fact that OP Admitted that she was the one who started yelling first and you’re defending her and you think only a misogynistic Male would defend him says a lot about you.

She was wrong first. He is wrong too but she needs to stop starting fights and playing the victim. It’s extremely immature and toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should be embarrassed. He did the first strike by calling you a B. All bets are off

She was yelling at him. He called her a b and walked away. If he just walked away he would he 100% in the right.

Since he said b he is wrong but walking away was right.

She threw things which is exponentially more wrong than a word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like he sucks.

The correct response.

[Anonymous]

You both should be embarrassed. Learn to have a conversation without a fit, name calling, or throwing things.

Do not have kids.

[Anonymous]

Don’t have kids with him.