Mom depressed in her AL being surrounded by old people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be hard on the elderly to keep moving them.

Does your mother have friends and relatives that can visit her? Have you reached out to them and let them know what’s going on?

What are the two lovely extra caregivers that you’re paying for doing? They can make her days more pleasant by engaging her in activities, take her outside, and help find friends with similar interests where she’s at.

Covid may also be making socialization more difficult as volunteers and some activities have no doubt been discontinued for the time being.

You don't put this on other relatives or "friends" who never visit. If they adore her, they would already be visiting.I like the other person's suggestion of asking the director to put her together with people she might click with and see what happens. We did that and it helps a lot. It's sweet too to watch the connections.

My suggestion was not intended to lay guilt trip on anyone, but if the move to AL was recent, they may not have gotten the news or know where to reach OP’s mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

This has to be a troll.

If her mother is as described, why doesn’t she just move her to a place with a younger demographic instead of asking on DCUM. Sounds like a no brainer. Move her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

This has to be a troll.

If her mother is as described, why doesn’t she just move her to a place with a younger demographic instead of asking on DCUM. Sounds like a no brainer. Move her!

It's not a nobrainer. This isn't her mom's first move and our experience is you may think the younger more energetic crowd will embrace her, but in my mom's case they didn't and it did not solve the depression. Her mother is lucky to be an assisted living with all her needs and most likely if her needs increase she will need a different setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My able bodied parents moved to a place where they felt like everyone else was "old" (my parents are 83!). So they moved to a different community where the age range is about 70-90, but very few are unable to care for themselves. They're definitely happier there.

They visited a number of places, visited the common areas and during scheduled activities to get a sense of the types of residents living there. Can you take your mom around to some of the communities?

But in OP's situation, her mom isn't able to care for herself. Even if OP wants her mom to be around more "youthful" vibrant people, do those youthful people want to hang out with OP's mom?

Pp here. I will say my mom has said that it seems like nobody wants to reach out to the less able people to help them. There's definitely a sense that the residents aren't there to care for the elderly. Can op's mom have a conversation? Play bingo? Etc? If so, it will be fine for her to have an aid walk her to the activities.

[Anonymous]

There will be another stroke and definitely more falls. Your mother should stay where she is and you should see a therapist to work through your guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s you again.

Your mom isn’t youthful, she needs a walker and 24/7 individual care. Of course she is depressed — by that.

But perhaps your horrid brothers will be happy if it turns out to be cheaper, so there is that.

And frankly, perhaps it is a good thing your mother is finally learning that her appearance is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

PP, you are a jerk!

No, I think the other poster laid out the realist point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

You have a strange obsession with her physical appearance and it's almost as though you think that is part of what makes her superior to these old people. I remember your other posts and you have a very extreme way of writing. Your mom is so vibrant and everyone around her is hunched and old. You are mom's savior and brothers are evil. You also seem to want us to just agree with you.

I agree. I hope you are a troll OP, because I'd hate for this story to be actually true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

You have a strange obsession with her physical appearance and it's almost as though you think that is part of what makes her superior to these old people. I remember your other posts and you have a very extreme way of writing. Your mom is so vibrant and everyone around her is hunched and old. You are mom's savior and brothers are evil. You also seem to want us to just agree with you.

I agree. I hope you are a troll OP, because I'd hate for this story to be actually true.

The two of you must really be awful looking. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

You have a strange obsession with her physical appearance and it's almost as though you think that is part of what makes her superior to these old people. I remember your other posts and you have a very extreme way of writing. Your mom is so vibrant and everyone around her is hunched and old. You are mom's savior and brothers are evil. You also seem to want us to just agree with you.

I agree. I hope you are a troll OP, because I'd hate for this story to be actually true.

The two of you must really be awful looking. I’m sorry.

I was hoping that mom is finally relaxing her beauty regimen because she realizes it’s not that important, rather than because of depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

You have a strange obsession with her physical appearance and it's almost as though you think that is part of what makes her superior to these old people. I remember your other posts and you have a very extreme way of writing. Your mom is so vibrant and everyone around her is hunched and old. You are mom's savior and brothers are evil. You also seem to want us to just agree with you.

I agree. I hope you are a troll OP, because I'd hate for this story to be actually true.

The two of you must really be awful looking. I’m sorry.

I was hoping that mom is finally relaxing her beauty regimen because she realizes it’s not that important, rather than because of depression.

As Jim Carey said in the movie Liar Liar, “that’s just something ugly people say”. I believe people feel better and are generally happier when they are put together and look their best. I know when I leave the salon and my hair looks amazing I want to just dance the night away. I think most elderly women still care how they look. The salon I work in is packed with the over 75 crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s you again.

Your mom isn’t youthful, she needs a walker and 24/7 individual care. Of course she is depressed — by that.

But perhaps your horrid brothers will be happy if it turns out to be cheaper, so there is that.

And frankly, perhaps it is a good thing your mother is finally learning that her appearance is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

PP, you are a jerk!

Maybe I am, but this poster wants her mom to disinherit her brothers from the family business they run with their mother (OP doesn’t work), and recently claimed that her mother was loving the AL place and all her friends there, including an anecdote where she played the piano to an ovation that made OP cry, and mom had a sweet new love interest she was spending time with.

What happened, OP? Maybe you should consider that perhaps socially your mom made some blunders in her AL, and that is why she is sad. The solution is not to run away and live alone.

I don't recall anything about brothers in the original post?

NP here - This OP is a frequent poster with a . . . distinctive writing style. She's posted quite the saga.

The more she posts, the less sympathetic she is.

PP here: exactly, and I am blessed? cursed? with an excellent memory for such trivial data. I recognize quite a few posters. I don’t think OP is a troll because her story is very consistent post to post.

Or maybe you have too much time on your hands and should put it to better use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s you again.

Your mom isn’t youthful, she needs a walker and 24/7 individual care. Of course she is depressed — by that.

But perhaps your horrid brothers will be happy if it turns out to be cheaper, so there is that.

And frankly, perhaps it is a good thing your mother is finally learning that her appearance is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

PP, you are a jerk!

Maybe I am, but this poster wants her mom to disinherit her brothers from the family business they run with their mother (OP doesn’t work), and recently claimed that her mother was loving the AL place and all her friends there, including an anecdote where she played the piano to an ovation that made OP cry, and mom had a sweet new love interest she was spending time with.

What happened, OP? Maybe you should consider that perhaps socially your mom made some blunders in her AL, and that is why she is sad. The solution is not to run away and live alone.

I don't recall anything about brothers in the original post?

NP here - This OP is a frequent poster with a . . . distinctive writing style. She's posted quite the saga.

The more she posts, the less sympathetic she is.

PP here: exactly, and I am blessed? cursed? with an excellent memory for such trivial data. I recognize quite a few posters. I don’t think OP is a troll because her story is very consistent post to post.

Or maybe you have too much time on your hands and should put it to better use?

Pot, meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

Biden is 80 that's what is youthful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here . My mom not only looks amazing for her age but is so vivacious and what a personality she has. People gravitate towards her young and old. The private care company I hired is through referrals only and is a five star company. She has two private caregivers and in the event one gets sick there would be zero issues replacing, as I’ve heard the owner will step in and take over for the day. I have no worries with her private caregivers. The expense is a non-issue as I have said my parents were very frugal and have plenty of savings . Most of the residents look really old and hunched over, which of course is depressing. My mom, even with her walker, has perfect posture and is still beautiful. She’s always had movie star looks but being surrounded by really old looking people she’s lost her desire to make herself look her best. I think finding a community with a larger percentage of independent living versus assisted would be the answer. Her place is 80% assisted. Retirement communities have lots of activities besides hiking and tennis my mom could partake in. Just having her meals with a younger more vibrant crowd would improve her morale. Btw the 22yr old hostess at her AL loves my mom and the two of them are always joking around.

You have a strange obsession with her physical appearance and it's almost as though you think that is part of what makes her superior to these old people. I remember your other posts and you have a very extreme way of writing. Your mom is so vibrant and everyone around her is hunched and old. You are mom's savior and brothers are evil. You also seem to want us to just agree with you.

I agree. I hope you are a troll OP, because I'd hate for this story to be actually true.

The two of you must really be awful looking. I’m sorry.

OP, was this your comment? Yikes.