Culture and public vs private school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to prep school.

The code is 78462. Good, now everybody has it.

LOL.

Dang, how could you just give away the code like that? There will be repercussions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a public and then a big three. I sort of understand what you mean in terms of code. However, I think the experience of and ability to interact with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds is more valuable. Not sure if you get that much at, say, Whitman, but you might at many other public schools.

Best mix may be public middle and private high school.

iMO the main benefit to a private school education is writing skills.

I agree with this entirely. I did the same (though NYC area. Public until 10th then boarding school) and I think it was a great combo. I specifically do NOT want to have kids obsessed with the "codes." Know about them? Sure. Feel comfortable in that environment? Ok. But I want them to feel that way with everyone not be elite seeking a** kissers.

Also, grit. Isn't that supposed to be important? I don't think it's great to be surrounded entirely by wealthy, coddled people your whole life.

[Anonymous]

People who care the most about the code and conforming to the code are the wannabes rather than the high achievers with talent and passion. Don’t teach your child these wannabe values.

[Anonymous]

You’ll never get an unbiased answer because those that attended public will never know what it’s like to go private and those who attended private will never know what it’s like to go public. And different people have different needs. If you care so much, and have the means, just send your kid to private and be done with it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never get an unbiased answer because those that attended public will never know what it’s like to go private and those who attended private will never know what it’s like to go public. And different people have different needs. If you care so much, and have the means, just send your kid to private and be done with it!

Plenty of people did a combo of public and private and know very well like it’s like in both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never get an unbiased answer because those that attended public will never know what it’s like to go private and those who attended private will never know what it’s like to go public. And different people have different needs. If you care so much, and have the means, just send your kid to private and be done with it!

I went to private. I definitely think my DD's peers in public school are on the whole more high achieving than my peers in private school were. This really depends on the school, and is not just a matter of public vs private. I don't care about "the code."

[Anonymous]

OP, I appreciate your post. I think it was articulated honestly and with grace.

I came from humble beginnings but with a mother and father that had a sophisticated taste in arts, culture, learning, food and travel. I grew up surrounded by an appreciation and knowledge of these things.

However I was solidly lower middle class. Everyone went to public school. I didn’t know you could hire someone to paint your house. I didn’t know what landscaping was. I didn’t know that people owned ski gear. I didn’t know that braces weren’t a huge deal/expense. I could go on and on.

I went to college and did a study abroad program in South Africa that brought people from all different schools together. The girls from Colby, Bates, Claremont McKenna, Tufts were what you describe. They travelled *before* the semester even started hiking Kilimanjaro or going to Madagascar. They had high end hiking boots I had never even heard of and they were broken in. Their teeth and skin was perfect. Etc etc And not only could you spot them, you could spot us middle class kids a mile away. Our clothes, sunglasses, ability to pick languages, confidence, maturity - just wasn’t as elevated or refined.

Fast-forward 30 years. I am UMC but not them. I never will and my children won’t either. However they do still have sophisticated exposure to culture, travel, art just like I did as a lower class kid 😎

[Anonymous]

What is this post?!!! “Code?”
Ew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I appreciate your post. I think it was articulated honestly and with grace.

I came from humble beginnings but with a mother and father that had a sophisticated taste in arts, culture, learning, food and travel. I grew up surrounded by an appreciation and knowledge of these things.

However I was solidly lower middle class. Everyone went to public school. I didn’t know you could hire someone to paint your house. I didn’t know what landscaping was. I didn’t know that people owned ski gear. I didn’t know that braces weren’t a huge deal/expense. I could go on and on.

I went to college and did a study abroad program in South Africa that brought people from all different schools together. The girls from Colby, Bates, Claremont McKenna, Tufts were what you describe. They travelled *before* the semester even started hiking Kilimanjaro or going to Madagascar. They had high end hiking boots I had never even heard of and they were broken in. Their teeth and skin was perfect. Etc etc And not only could you spot them, you could spot us middle class kids a mile away. Our clothes, sunglasses, ability to pick languages, confidence, maturity - just wasn’t as elevated or refined.

Fast-forward 30 years. I am UMC but not them. I never will and my children won’t either. However they do still have sophisticated exposure to culture, travel, art just like I did as a lower class kid 😎

You know the world is really changing, and I’m not sure the same dynamics exist now. This whole post feels so dated, and I would suggest there aren’t these “markers” anymore and if there are, they don’t matter.

[Anonymous]

We moved our kids out of private. We found our values weren’t reflected in our kids peers. Kids are in DCPS and it’s a better fit. We are able to pay cash for whatever college they attend and we are confident they will get into any school they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved our kids out of private. We found our values weren’t reflected in our kids peers. Kids are in DCPS and it’s a better fit. We are able to pay cash for whatever college they attend and we are confident they will get into any school they want.

Hit submit too soon. I feel our society is changing and the code will change too. Kids must always be able to adapt and be around all walks of life. I want a worldly kid, not a rich entitled kid (which was what my kids’ peers/friend group was in private. Disliked those kids and their families a lot.)

[Anonymous]

Wait is this a Gossip Girl episode ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find private school kids have a sense of confidence that public school kids just don’t embody

I think you mistake confidence for entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a private school lifer: the only reason these private school kids have so much confidence and poise is because they have more money.

If you have more money and your kids have more activities and the ability to be involved, they will be fine.

Yeah that’s what I can’t separate. Will our kid have that air of self possession because we have a beach house and insist on manners and French lessons? Or bc he was in school somewhere? I’m genuinely wondering.

Oh my god, OP. If you go public, my guess is you’re going to find a reason to feel disappointed in how this poor kid turns out no matter what. I’d insist on private so at least you’ll never have to wonder if that was the one missing thing in his life. Because he’s not going to turn out perfect either way.

+1 I think OP should keep her kid in private. OP's already made up their mind. Just looking for validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be embarrassed

Please tell me more about this code.

no, it's secret. Only elite private school families are allowed in on the secret.