Husband -father of 4- sleeps in every single day

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your DH is battling both alcohol and depression. I don't say this as an excuse, but rather, to help you look clearly at who you married. These are serious problems that people fight - some more successfully than others - for years. If neither of you even so much as recognizes these problems, you have no hope.

My recommendation is counseling, for you, to help you chart a path that will bring you more happiness. Good luck, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also had a “sloth laying around”. It turns out my DH had a serious alcohol problem.

DH does drink every night. IPAs. How do I figure out if it’s a problem though? I’m upstairs asleep shortly after the kids… he does his late night couch routine alone.

It's a problem because he's staying up late getting drunk and can't be a present father pretty much every day of the week. How long has this been going on? I normally don't remark on someone's decision to have another child because it's a complex decision/situation, but when did this behavior manifest?

I honestly don't understand why you have not gotten good and mad here and demanded a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also had a “sloth laying around”. It turns out my DH had a serious alcohol problem.

DH does drink every night. IPAs. How do I figure out if it’s a problem though? I’m upstairs asleep shortly after the kids… he does his late night couch routine alone.

It's a problem because he's staying up late getting drunk and can't be a present father pretty much every day of the week. How long has this been going on? I normally don't remark on someone's decision to have another child because it's a complex decision/situation, but when did this behavior manifest?

I honestly don't understand why you have not gotten good and mad here and demanded a change.

He probably will say he’s not drunk. His tolerance is likely high but the alcohol affects you the same- crappy sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is a SAHM who wants her DH to be the one who works two shifts.

She can get a job and then they can renegotiate morning and evening schedules. Until then she has no leverage. He is making all the money.

Oh. I was wondering when our resident misogynist was going to show up. Took you awhile. Are you drinking on the job now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually have zero sympathy for anyone who has more than 2 kids.

You deserve your misery. You deserve each other.

This behavior is unacceptable whether there is one child or five children…

It’s also unacceptable to marry a lazy sloth, have four kids with him, then ask for sympathy because you made really stupid decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually have zero sympathy for anyone who has more than 2 kids.

You deserve your misery. You deserve each other.

This behavior is unacceptable whether there is one child or five children…

It’s also unacceptable to marry a lazy sloth, have four kids with him, then ask for sympathy because you made really stupid decisions.[/quote

Where exactly is OP asking for sympathy? I just reread the first post. She’s asking for advice on how to talk to him in order to make this situation better. Maybe you need to work on increasing your reading comprehension while at the same time dialing back the judgment.

[Anonymous]

OP the bigger question is why you've allowed it for this long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also had a “sloth laying around”. It turns out my DH had a serious alcohol problem.

It also could be sleep apnea. It's much more common than people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also had a “sloth laying around”. It turns out my DH had a serious alcohol problem.

It also could be sleep apnea. It's much more common than people think.

OOOps ignore this post. It's clearly an alcohol problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three days a week you need to go to an exercise class at 7. Your kids will be fine. What is the worst case scenario here, they are hungry for a few hours? They aren’t dressed? They’re late to second grade? They’ll be fine. If your excuse is that it won’t be done exactly how you would, then you’re being a martyr. If something goes really wrong you will find out and then you can deal with that problem.

The only way to get your husband to do more is to leave the house.

This. This also backfired and lead us further to divorce. He was passive aggressive about many things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the bigger question is why you've allowed it for this long?

This. And continued to make more babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the bigger question is why you've allowed it for this long?

This. And continued to make more babies.

I mean, really. How helpful is this? For whatever reason—low self-esteem, familiar dynamics from growing up, the complexities of any relationship, own mental health struggles, insert a myriad of other reasons—OP continued in this relationship. What’s important now is that it is no longer allowable in her mind. She got to where you feel you’d have been much sooner in the relationship, PP. Good for you.

So what’s the best way out for her?

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I counted bottles.

He had 9 IPAs last night after I went to bed. Like 8% IPAs. We talked about it today. He admitted he has a drinking problem that’s gotten progressively worse during the pandemic.

Now what? He says he plans to cut back on his own. But doesn’t want to talk to me about how. He does not seem to be able to connect the drinking to his inability to get up in the morning. Still saying he just needs more sleep than me. <insert all the the eye rolls here> He strolled downstairs close to 10am today yawning and stretching and asking if the cold coffee left in the pot is from today… or yesterday… (it was from today but cold bc I made it over 3 hours before he showed up…while I was wrangling kids, alone)

I am not well. I’m reeling. I need a book, a class, a podcast, and/or someone to talk to about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I counted bottles.

He had 9 IPAs last night after I went to bed. Like 8% IPAs. We talked about it today. He admitted he has a drinking problem that’s gotten progressively worse during the pandemic.

Now what? He says he plans to cut back on his own. But doesn’t want to talk to me about how. He does not seem to be able to connect the drinking to his inability to get up in the morning. Still saying he just needs more sleep than me. <insert all the the eye rolls here> He strolled downstairs close to 10am today yawning and stretching and asking if the cold coffee left in the pot is from today… or yesterday… (it was from today but cold bc I made it over 3 hours before he showed up…while I was wrangling kids, alone)

I am not well. I’m reeling. I need a book, a class, a podcast, and/or someone to talk to about this.

OP, the problem is you are the one willing to do the work and hustle to get a solution- doing the class/book/podcast etc, like a child or spouse of an alcoholic. You cannot do it for him. HE needs the book/class/podcast/sponsor. He has not shown that he is willing to do the work. Set aside time to discuss a plan with him. It has to come from him. He needs to know if his alcohol abuse a deal-breaker in this marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I counted bottles.

He had 9 IPAs last night after I went to bed. Like 8% IPAs. We talked about it today. He admitted he has a drinking problem that’s gotten progressively worse during the pandemic.

Now what? He says he plans to cut back on his own. But doesn’t want to talk to me about how. He does not seem to be able to connect the drinking to his inability to get up in the morning. Still saying he just needs more sleep than me. <insert all the the eye rolls here> He strolled downstairs close to 10am today yawning and stretching and asking if the cold coffee left in the pot is from today… or yesterday… (it was from today but cold bc I made it over 3 hours before he showed up…while I was wrangling kids, alone)

I am not well. I’m reeling. I need a book, a class, a podcast, and/or someone to talk to about this.

OP, the problem is you are the one willing to do the work and hustle to get a solution- doing the class/book/podcast etc, like a child or spouse of an alcoholic. You cannot do it for him. HE needs the book/class/podcast/sponsor. He has not shown that he is willing to do the work. Set aside time to discuss a plan with him. It has to come from him. He needs to know if his alcohol abuse a deal-breaker in this marriage.

Agree. To clarify, I’m not looking to fix him. I’m looking for support for *myself*.