Red flags you saw in spouse while dating
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| He told me he'd punched a wall. But ... nothing in marriage like that. |
Anonymous
|
Avoided tough conversations.
Weaseled out of making decisions or waited so long no options remained Would walk off if a disagreement |
Anonymous
+1 it’s really bad once there are kids and one of the two parents has the above. Total derailment. |
Anonymous
Executive functioning deficits and ADHD for me as well. While we were dating, I thought it was interesting and exciting that he had so many hobbies and that he would just jump into doing different projects. That should have been a red flag. I can't tell you how many half-finished major house projects were begun and then just left until I finally hired a professional to complete them or the amount of money and time he spent launching himself into a new activity. |
Anonymous
| He was wearing this ring with a black octopus or squid on it. Would greet random people with hail hydra. |
Anonymous
| Frugality. We were legimately poor grad students, so I thought he was just being sensible, and once we had more money he would lighten up. He did some, but not nearly enough in my opinion. But I truly love him, and it comes from a place of wanting "security" for the family. |
Anonymous
I feel like we really ought to define what counts as a red flag. This post, and a few others, are listing things that really don't seem to rise to that level |
Anonymous
Women will never understand what it’s like to have testosterone running through their bodies anymore than we can understand what it’s like to have a period. Punching an inanimate object if no one is around is an acceptable occasional outlet for anger. No shame in it anymore than a woman eating a pint of ice cream after a breakup. |
Anonymous
Geez. Hope he was a nice guy at least because that is some strange sh1t. |
Anonymous
This is over a period of 30 years. He takes it off somewhere and then leaves without it. We've never found any of them. I won't let him spend more than $50 on coats. |
Anonymous
To be fair, he lost a mortgage payment. His losing things and forgetting things has cost us thousands of dollars over the years. |
Anonymous
|
Occasional bizarre controlling behavior. For example, the first time I saw it: it had snowed about 5", and I didn't own any snow boots. I had some flats and some Converse, and a pair of New Balance (or something) sneakers. I figured the sneakers would have the best traction and be warmest. Everywhere was shoveled anyway.
When I came over from work, he was incredulous that I wasn't wearing boots. I kind of laughed it off (because why would he really care?) He said what if my car broke down and I had to walk? In that extremely unlikely scenario, I would... just walk, and maybe my feet would get cold and wet. Big deal. I wasn't heading out into the wilderness. He railed on and on and wouldn't stop. He was right, I was wrong. It was He apologized the next day. I brushed it off as though maybe there was something I just wasn't understanding about the point he was trying to make. But over the years, we've had several similar arguments where he vehemently opposes some insignificant thing I do, and he pushes and badgers me irrationally and I really feel like he's going crazy. I always remember that snow boot argument, and wonder how I so easily brushed it off at the time. |
Anonymous
|
Too much drinking, obnoxious while drunk, sexist jokes that I laughed off because I didn't want to rock the boat.
Out of his control: abusive childhood, alcoholic parents, domestic violence between parents |
Anonymous
LOL so much testosterone that you’re hanging out on a site for middle aged moms? |
Anonymous
| Ex-wife was very sneaky. Would do things and openly lie about it and Blame me that she don't want to tell me to avoid confrontation. I had trust issues with her and never got over it. |