Red flags you saw in spouse while dating

[Anonymous]

I believe everyone has negative traits, but some are more severe than others. For those who are happily married what are some red flags you saw when dating, but decided to go through with marriage anyways?

[Anonymous]

I thought he was too close with his parents.

[Anonymous]

Road rage

[Anonymous]

Punched the alarm clock during a fight.

[Anonymous]

Road rage, too close with parents, asking to be exclusive right away, giving ultimatums on a first date (“I will never spend Christmas with a woman’s family”; “I don’t do breaks…if there is any break, it is a break up”; saying he had a 100k salary requirement for a wife and he would not let his wife be a SAHM even temporarily. And leaving the state for another job while dating without proposing first. His way or the highway on everything. Awful marriage.

[Anonymous]

Oh, sorry. Divorced after 10 years. Finally.

[Anonymous]

Executive function issues. Extremely disorganized. Messy. Average/low energy/introversion.

[Anonymous]

Mine was also too close to his parents, would go off about the littlest things and had mood swings. He’d also never follow through with anything. All of these got worse over time. After we had kids there were times where the kids and I would have to walk on eggshells because we were not sure which version of him was around and you never really knew what would set him off. Divorced for almost five years now and so much happier. Adult kids still deal with him but they’ve become experts in navigating his moods. He still promises the world and never follows through but they have come to realize they can’t get their hopes up about anything he says he’ll do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Executive function issues. Extremely disorganized. Messy. Average/low energy/introversion.

This is me. I am unmarriageable.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I’m looking for stories from people who are happily married in spite of red flags. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

My husband and I met at grad school, so we had a large group of mutual friends/acquaintances. When we started dating, most of my friends disliked him because he has a particular sense of humor that can be abrasive. It also caused to have lots of petty fights when we started editing.

Underneath that exterior he is kind and loving, and is an excellent father. While his sense of humor still causes us friction, my friends have come around with time and we have a happy marriage. I feel like I got lucky to see past his prickly demeanor to the man underneath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m looking for stories from people who are happily married in spite of red flags. Thanks!

Oh dear, OP. You should never ignore red flags, and it would feel wrong to talk you into doing so. Maybe should share with us the red flags you are concerned about, and we can give you our two cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought he was too close with his parents.

I never understand how this is a red flag as long as he lives on his own. Men can’t win. If he wasn’t close to his mom, a big red flag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Road rage, too close with parents, asking to be exclusive right away, giving ultimatums on a first date (“I will never spend Christmas with a woman’s family”; “I don’t do breaks…if there is any break, it is a break up”; saying he had a 100k salary requirement for a wife and he would not let his wife be a SAHM even temporarily. And leaving the state for another job while dating without proposing first. His way or the highway on everything. Awful marriage.

You knew all this and still married him? What we’re the endearing qualities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe everyone has negative traits, but some are more severe than others. For those who are happily married what are some red flags you saw when dating, but decided to go through with marriage anyways?

What?? A red flag is not just a negative trait. It signals something inappropriate, something dysfunctional. People who are truly happily married did not have red flags.