Why are some women always lucky in love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Witnessing the illness of your spouse and becoming a young widow isn't lucky in love... It's terrible luck.

Well yes. Of course it is. But finding not one, but two great husbands in a relatively short period of time Is lucky in love. That doesn’t mean lucky in all aspects of life, as you point out, obviously.

OP here. I actually read her blog because I started off my career in the foreign policy and think tank circles. While I never met Shawn Brimley, I certainly know people who worked with him. I was surprised by her beautiful and raw writing and struck by her intelligence and emotional maturity. When you read her story, you realize she has not always been lucky, having lost her mother so young and in such terrible circumstances, and you cannot help but admire her resilience. She then goes off and meets this brilliant and all around wonderful guy who apparently is madly in love with her. They had a love in a brief time that most do not experience in this whole life. That is lucky!

After his unfortunate passing, she is left a widow at 40 with three little kids. That's a huge baggage. And within two years she is married again to another seemingly great guy who is madly in love with her.


She does seem tremendously lucky in love, regardless of the rest of her circumstances.

I'm the PP who said it's terrible luck. I follow Marjorie's blog because I too am a 40-something widow. This could be my grief talking, but could you please stop calling her lucky in love? It comes across as tone deaf. Even if you had an amazing first husband and another great relationship with someone after your husband's death, you aren't lucky...you are able to make good of a terrible situation. Some widows can't get out of bed for months or years. Some pour out their eloquent vulnerabilities in a blog and inspire others to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other every day. All are doing the best they can to live through the pain of loss.

Despite feeling so grateful for the men in my life, I live so many days with the pain of my circumstances and the complications of moving on in my changing world. I worked and work hard on these relationships. Perhaps someone looking in from the outside would call it luck. Other than being in the right place at the right time in meeting someone, luck is not otherwise a factor.

+10000. You put it perfectly, it seems tone-deaf. Sorry for your loss, PP. I know this post REALLY irks me, but i have not experienced the loss of a spouse like you have....I can only imagine.

Yes, it is tone deaf in that respect and it is also tone deaf in the sense that it implies in order to have good relationships, there is some way you have to be in order to make that happen. In some respects, yes, there are qualities and skills that translate to healthy relationships. But there are also perfectly wonderful people who don’t find love and it’s not their fault. People also experience love differently - some are more realistic and down to earth and some get full blown starry eyed, Disney movie stuff. So there are a lot of things in this post and thread that are going to be triggering and very invalidating and tone deaf to people reading it.

[Anonymous]

First and foremost, you must be attractive. Above average attractive. It is unlikely to be lucky in love multiple times when you are not. Just a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are usually:
Loving
Open
Warm
Attractive

Women who make their male partners feel loved will never be alone. I've seen many examples of this in my life.

This exactly

[Anonymous]

What does lucky in love even mean? I think it has a different definition for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing your worth, and being open to love is a big thing. Also, sometimes part of it is just luck. There are really awesome people who continually get the short end of the stick. I learned at an early age that life isn’t fair a lot of the time and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

So much is about finding someone that didn't have a f____ked up childhood. A person's childhood is such a major red flag that so many miss and don't see how it will play out in middle age, the leftover, unaddressed issues and learned coping mechanisms.

I will heavily council my kids to look at their future partner's parents/family relationships very carefully.

I also think she had a lot of tragedy early in life (her mom dying young) and now karma is coming back to her in a good way. She seems like a genuinely good, warm-hearted, emotionally-sound person.

Did you even read the blog. From what I gathered her mother had a mental illness and took her own life whilst Marjorie Brimley was a youngster. This is a really f...ked up childhood. Yet she went on to find love and was quite happy.

So you can heavily counsel your kids to look at parents/family however in this case her childhood was not a red flag. Even you describe her as emotionally sound. She managed to move beyond that. I would say counsel your kids to find someone emotionally mature. How do they handle arguments, do they fight fair, can they talk about issues or do they use manipulative techniques such as the silent treatment, do they treat them with respect, do they have boundary issues with their parents. If your own child has enough self esteem they won't be with someone who treats them less than.

Also this isn't how karma works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing your worth, and being open to love is a big thing. Also, sometimes part of it is just luck. There are really awesome people who continually get the short end of the stick. I learned at an early age that life isn’t fair a lot of the time and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

So much is about finding someone that didn't have a f____ked up childhood. A person's childhood is such a major red flag that so many miss and don't see how it will play out in middle age, the leftover, unaddressed issues and learned coping mechanisms.

I will heavily council my kids to look at their future partner's parents/family relationships very carefully.

I also think she had a lot of tragedy early in life (her mom dying young) and now karma is coming back to her in a good way. She seems like a genuinely good, warm-hearted, emotionally-sound person.

absolutely +1

Not everyone is permanently ruined because of messed up childhoods that were no fault of our own. It’s sad that you are implying these people should be doomed by a life of loneliness over circumstances which were beyond their control. Very heartless and cruel. Varied experiences and yes, even adversity can bring genuine compassion and appreciation to many relationships.

100% agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

This is funny. A ton of men trying to get you is of course because you are attractive. That is how the universe works.
You are happy go lucky because men and women treat you nicer because you are attractive.
You don't care about male approval because you already have it because you are attractive.
You are interesting and fun to men because you are attractive. You could be talking about how wallpaper dries on a wall after application and men will find that fascinating because you are attractive.
Yes men are simple creatures, they like attractive females.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

This is funny. A ton of men trying to get you is of course because you are attractive. That is how the universe works.
You are happy go lucky because men and women treat you nicer because you are attractive.
You don't care about male approval because you already have it because you are attractive.
You are interesting and fun to men because you are attractive. You could be talking about how wallpaper dries on a wall after application and men will find that fascinating because you are attractive.
Yes men are simple creatures, they like attractive females.

Kind of true, but not necessarily always the case. A lot of what you allude to breed a lack of empathy and an entitled mentality that is very offputting and not desirable in a long term partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Witnessing the illness of your spouse and becoming a young widow isn't lucky in love... It's terrible luck.

Well yes. Of course it is. But finding not one, but two great husbands in a relatively short period of time Is lucky in love. That doesn’t mean lucky in all aspects of life, as you point out, obviously.

OP here. I actually read her blog because I started off my career in the foreign policy and think tank circles. While I never met Shawn Brimley, I certainly know people who worked with him. I was surprised by her beautiful and raw writing and struck by her intelligence and emotional maturity. When you read her story, you realize she has not always been lucky, having lost her mother so young and in such terrible circumstances, and you cannot help but admire her resilience. She then goes off and meets this brilliant and all around wonderful guy who apparently is madly in love with her. They had a love in a brief time that most do not experience in this whole life. That is lucky!

After his unfortunate passing, she is left a widow at 40 with three little kids. That's a huge baggage. And within two years she is married again to another seemingly great guy who is madly in love with her.


She does seem tremendously lucky in love, regardless of the rest of her circumstances.

I'm the PP who said it's terrible luck. I follow Marjorie's blog because I too am a 40-something widow. This could be my grief talking, but could you please stop calling her lucky in love? It comes across as tone deaf. Even if you had an amazing first husband and another great relationship with someone after your husband's death, you aren't lucky...you are able to make good of a terrible situation. Some widows can't get out of bed for months or years. Some pour out their eloquent vulnerabilities in a blog and inspire others to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other every day. All are doing the best they can to live through the pain of loss.

Despite feeling so grateful for the men in my life, I live so many days with the pain of my circumstances and the complications of moving on in my changing world. I worked and work hard on these relationships. Perhaps someone looking in from the outside would call it luck. Other than being in the right place at the right time in meeting someone, luck is not otherwise a factor.

+10000. You put it perfectly, it seems tone-deaf. Sorry for your loss, PP. I know this post REALLY irks me, but i have not experienced the loss of a spouse like you have....I can only imagine.

My best friend worked closely with Shawn and I had the pleasure to meet him a handful of times, he was a wonderful man . When my friend sent me the blog right after he passed I was immediately drawn to Marjorie’s writing and vulnerability. I’ve followed it from the begging. I think saying lucky in love is so incredibly insensitive . What I think is some people know their worth better than others. When I was in my 20s I put up with men treating me horrible - then I met my husband. The past 15 years of him showing me how I deserve to be treated and getting to experience true love- I would never settle for less. So happy Marjorie was able to find that again- but I would never call her lucky - not in a million years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just going off of what I observed, they aren't.picky and pretty much willing to date any guy and accept anything to have a guy.

They aren't more intelligent, prettier, warmer or more open than any other woman, just a lot more willing to put up with stuff.

You didnt read the thread post?

I didn't read the blog just responded to the general question and to the posters saying women who get married are warm, open etc. That's not really the case they're just available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Lady, this is not the same thing. You are talking about th experience of attractive looking women attracting attention. This post is about having successful, loving relationships. Not related to how many people are in your DMs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing your worth, and being open to love is a big thing. Also, sometimes part of it is just luck. There are really awesome people who continually get the short end of the stick. I learned at an early age that life isn’t fair a lot of the time and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

So much is about finding someone that didn't have a f____ked up childhood. A person's childhood is such a major red flag that so many miss and don't see how it will play out in middle age, the leftover, unaddressed issues and learned coping mechanisms.

I will heavily council my kids to look at their future partner's parents/family relationships very carefully.

I also think she had a lot of tragedy early in life (her mom dying young) and now karma is coming back to her in a good way. She seems like a genuinely good, warm-hearted, emotionally-sound person.

absolutely +1

Not everyone is permanently ruined because of messed up childhoods that were no fault of our own. It’s sad that you are implying these people should be doomed by a life of loneliness over circumstances which were beyond their control. Very heartless and cruel. Varied experiences and yes, even adversity can bring genuine compassion and appreciation to many relationships.

+1

I had a pretty great childhood but this isn’t a real rule of thumb. A lack of baggage isn’t the same thing as having good character. My mother had a childhood that was something nightmares are made of and is the best mom, grandmother, and wife that I know.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t call becoming a widow at 40 with three kids being lucky in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

Lady, this is not the same thing. You are talking about th experience of attractive looking women attracting attention. This post is about having successful, loving relationships. Not related to how many people are in your DMs!

Not PP but OP appears to be talking about women who constantly have high quality men pursuing them, so this would apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

This is funny. A ton of men trying to get you is of course because you are attractive. That is how the universe works.
You are happy go lucky because men and women treat you nicer because you are attractive.
You don't care about male approval because you already have it because you are attractive.
You are interesting and fun to men because you are attractive. You could be talking about how wallpaper dries on a wall after application and men will find that fascinating because you are attractive.
Yes men are simple creatures, they like attractive females.

Funny but not true. Plenty of pretty women are bores who dont have men who want them because they arent interesting conversationalists