Husband Said I’m Too Strict With Baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t eat throughout the night at his age ??

It sounds like he eats too much. Both of my babies ate 24-28oz, and didn’t start eating more than 24oz until 3-4 months old. Her baby eats 28-32oz which is a lot for a 9 week old baby.

OP here. The pediatrician said 24-32oz/day is normal. He eats a lot but he is not a big baby. We feed him what he wants. We don’t make him eat if he’s not hungry.

At least you feed him on demand. Why can't he sleep on demand?
Babies that age don't get overtired. They sleep when they sleep. They wake up when they wake up.
It's only when they are older that they can be stimulated and kept up. I think... I mean unless your husband is just turning on loud music and doing active playing with a newborn which would be pretty weird.

What? There are countless people who keep their newborns and young babies up for way too long. I have a friend who thought she had a fussy baby, but thought her baby was chronically overtired. Her newborn would easily be up for 5-6 hours at a time. She slept like 10 hours in a 24 hour period. They hired a nanny and the baby started sleeping. Most babies fight sleep and need help being put to sleep. That was the issue with her baby. The baby would fall asleep and wake up 10 minutes later and my friend though that meant she wasn’t tired. She was but she needed to be put back to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

But your initial post said it was his week off. For his week off would allow more flexibility as long as he (dad) is willing accept/deal with consequences. Dad bonding/learning time with baby is more important. When he is back at work - go back to your rules. It’s just one precious week. Let dad take charge and take some “you” time.

OP here. That would throw everything off. He doesn’t do well with crying and immediately passes the baby off to me when he cries for more than a couple of minutes. He won’t be the one to calm him and get him to sleep. I will and that’s why I feel like i should do the things my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

op thinks she knows better than her husband what his baby needs, so 50/50 she's wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

But your initial post said it was his week off. For his week off would allow more flexibility as long as he (dad) is willing accept/deal with consequences. Dad bonding/learning time with baby is more important. When he is back at work - go back to your rules. It’s just one precious week. Let dad take charge and take some “you” time.

OP here. That would throw everything off. He doesn’t do well with crying and immediately passes the baby off to me when he cries for more than a couple of minutes. He won’t be the one to calm him and get him to sleep. I will and that’s why I feel like i should do the things my way.

“Frank, if you and the baby FaceTime your cousin Jim right now, the baby will be overtired and screaming, and you’re not going to be the one dealing with it. Please call Jim later.” What would he say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can your DH be the one to put him to nap? So he's spending time with baby, but still respecting the schedule?

I agree that your baby is a week or two away from being a lot more awake on a regular basis, so some of this is somewhat moot. But at this age it's not about play/not play. It's just about actively caring for the baby.

Also, please do bear in mind that soon your baby will want to be more awake...and you need to let him. My SIL (baby born in June) really struggled with that transition to needing to let the baby just experience the world, because she had invested so much energy in monitoring the routine. As I'm sure you know, it's critical for development that around 12weeks babies really start to see and interact with the world.

OP here. I know he will be more awake soon and want to stay up for longer periods. He used to only stay up for 45-60 minutes and then 60-75 minutes. Now it’s 75-90 minutes. Most 3 months old have a 90 minute wake window and then he will likely start staying awake for two hours.

My husband does put him down on the weekends. He can put him down as much as he wants this week, but if he’s gets overtired and cries, he gives him to me. My son is thriving on this schedule and I don’t want him to get overtired and put him through 30 minutes of crying. That’s not fair to him as baby to have that stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

op thinks she knows better than her husband what his baby needs, so 50/50 she's wrong.

OP here. I do because I spend all of my time with the baby. My husband is a wonderful dad but he spends two hours tops with the baby during the week. He hasn’t had to deal with the sleep issues and a fussy baby all day. He doesn’t have to worry about waking up during the night to feed a baby. I decided to make a routine and my son is doing much better on it. I feel I should do what I want since I’m the one with him most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

But your initial post said it was his week off. For his week off would allow more flexibility as long as he (dad) is willing accept/deal with consequences. Dad bonding/learning time with baby is more important. When he is back at work - go back to your rules. It’s just one precious week. Let dad take charge and take some “you” time.

OP here. That would throw everything off. He doesn’t do well with crying and immediately passes the baby off to me when he cries for more than a couple of minutes. He won’t be the one to calm him and get him to sleep. I will and that’s why I feel like i should do the things my way.

“Frank, if you and the baby FaceTime your cousin Jim right now, the baby will be overtired and screaming, and you’re not going to be the one dealing with it. Please call Jim later.” What would he say?

OP here. He gets annoyed and will say that it’s his baby too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t eat throughout the night at his age ??

It sounds like he eats too much. Both of my babies ate 24-28oz, and didn’t start eating more than 24oz until 3-4 months old. Her baby eats 28-32oz which is a lot for a 9 week old baby.

OP here. The pediatrician said 24-32oz/day is normal. He eats a lot but he is not a big baby. We feed him what he wants. We don’t make him eat if he’s not hungry.

At least you feed him on demand. Why can't he sleep on demand?
Babies that age don't get overtired. They sleep when they sleep. They wake up when they wake up.
It's only when they are older that they can be stimulated and kept up. I think... I mean unless your husband is just turning on loud music and doing active playing with a newborn which would be pretty weird.

What? Of course a newborn can get overtired. That's baby 101. When a baby gets overtired That's when they need extra help (like walking or bouncing or a ride in the stroller) to get to sleep.

+1. Many babies get overtired. Many babies need to be played with. Did you just stick your kid in a bouncer all day long? Who doesn’t interact with their newborn baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

But your initial post said it was his week off. For his week off would allow more flexibility as long as he (dad) is willing accept/deal with consequences. Dad bonding/learning time with baby is more important. When he is back at work - go back to your rules. It’s just one precious week. Let dad take charge and take some “you” time.

OP here. That would throw everything off. He doesn’t do well with crying and immediately passes the baby off to me when he cries for more than a couple of minutes. He won’t be the one to calm him and get him to sleep. I will and that’s why I feel like i should do the things my way.

“Frank, if you and the baby FaceTime your cousin Jim right now, the baby will be overtired and screaming, and you’re not going to be the one dealing with it. Please call Jim later.” What would he say?

OP here. He gets annoyed and will say that it’s his baby too.

“Of course he’s your baby too, but I’m telling you, based on my experience, that this is going to end up with a cranky baby. If he’s your baby too, why am I always the one soothing him?”

[Anonymous]

Turn the baby over to him and leave the house. Let him figure it out. You have to get there sooner rather than later, or else you will wind up with a father who does nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

But your initial post said it was his week off. For his week off would allow more flexibility as long as he (dad) is willing accept/deal with consequences. Dad bonding/learning time with baby is more important. When he is back at work - go back to your rules. It’s just one precious week. Let dad take charge and take some “you” time.

OP here. That would throw everything off. He doesn’t do well with crying and immediately passes the baby off to me when he cries for more than a couple of minutes. He won’t be the one to calm him and get him to sleep. I will and that’s why I feel like i should do the things my way.

Ok it is clearly not fair for him to immediately pass the baby off to you. But to give him the benefit of the doubt - maybe he is scared of the baby. I think you need to take advantage of his week off and give him the opportunity to be the sole caregiver for an afternoon or something (leave the house) so he becomes more comfortable with all aspects of baby care. Yes you may have figured out what works for you but unless you give him the opportunity to step up as a caregiver and learn - you will never share the burdens. I agree with the pp - you need to think of the long game.

[Anonymous]

Op it sounds like you are doing amazing. And yes your husband should either spend some time actually learning about infant sleep or listen to you. In my personal opinion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're right. But you should let him try to skip nap once and then see how cranky and un-fun the baby is.

There should be plenty of time for play during your baby's awake times, anyway. And in a few weeks your baby is going to have even longer awake times so it won't be as much of an issue.

Great time to leave the house for a 2-3 hour errand!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're right. But you should let him try to skip nap once and then see how cranky and un-fun the baby is.

There should be plenty of time for play during your baby's awake times, anyway. And in a few weeks your baby is going to have even longer awake times so it won't be as much of an issue.

Great time to leave the house for a 2-3 hour errand!

+1 yes, create an errand so he can't hand baby to you when the going gets tough. Are you sure you don't need an hour long deep tissue massage followed by some other experience you've missed since you've had baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

But your initial post said it was his week off. For his week off would allow more flexibility as long as he (dad) is willing accept/deal with consequences. Dad bonding/learning time with baby is more important. When he is back at work - go back to your rules. It’s just one precious week. Let dad take charge and take some “you” time.

OP here. That would throw everything off. He doesn’t do well with crying and immediately passes the baby off to me when he cries for more than a couple of minutes. He won’t be the one to calm him and get him to sleep. I will and that’s why I feel like i should do the things my way.

Don’t take the baby when they cry. Your husband needs to learn how to care for them. Otherwise you are just enabling DH behavior.