Husband Said I’m Too Strict With Baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What type of schedule is your baby on? Does he not get to spend time with your baby at all?

OP here. His schedule is

Feedings - 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, and 6pm, 7:30pm, and 10pm.

Naps: 8:15-10am, 11:30-1pm, 2:30-4pm, 5:30-6pm. Bedtime at 8. Wakes up at 7am.

He was a mess for the first 8 weeks because he rarely showed signs of being tired until it was too late and then would cry for 30 minutes while I tried to get him down. He was always fussy. I read a book and realized I was keeping him awake too long. I started following wake windows and everything fell into place. He is a much happier baby now. He is 9.5 weeks old and has been following this routine for about two weeks. It may change but at least I know what to do now.

Actually it’s perfect. It’s about 16 hours a day. For a baby under 3 months, 14-17 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period is what they need.

That is way too much sleep for a baby. My kids never slept more that much. Keep him awake and play with him. Stop forcing him to go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is how you end up with a hands off uninvolved Dad.

+1. You’re digging your own grave OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t eat throughout the night at his age ??

He is probably formula fed. They sleep longer at night.

OP here. He is fed mostly breast milk with some formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t eat throughout the night at his age ??

It sounds like he eats too much. Both of my babies ate 24-28oz, and didn’t start eating more than 24oz until 3-4 months old. Her baby eats 28-32oz which is a lot for a 9 week old baby.

OP here. The pediatrician said 24-32oz/day is normal. He eats a lot but he is not a big baby. We feed him what he wants. We don’t make him eat if he’s not hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Ignore everyone. Do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t eat throughout the night at his age ??

It sounds like he eats too much. Both of my babies ate 24-28oz, and didn’t start eating more than 24oz until 3-4 months old. Her baby eats 28-32oz which is a lot for a 9 week old baby.

OP here. The pediatrician said 24-32oz/day is normal. He eats a lot but he is not a big baby. We feed him what he wants. We don’t make him eat if he’s not hungry.

At least you feed him on demand. Why can't he sleep on demand?
Babies that age don't get overtired. They sleep when they sleep. They wake up when they wake up.
It's only when they are older that they can be stimulated and kept up. I think... I mean unless your husband is just turning on loud music and doing active playing with a newborn which would be pretty weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t eat throughout the night at his age ??

It sounds like he eats too much. Both of my babies ate 24-28oz, and didn’t start eating more than 24oz until 3-4 months old. Her baby eats 28-32oz which is a lot for a 9 week old baby.

OP here. The pediatrician said 24-32oz/day is normal. He eats a lot but he is not a big baby. We feed him what he wants. We don’t make him eat if he’s not hungry.

At least you feed him on demand. Why can't he sleep on demand?
Babies that age don't get overtired. They sleep when they sleep. They wake up when they wake up.
It's only when they are older that they can be stimulated and kept up. I think... I mean unless your husband is just turning on loud music and doing active playing with a newborn which would be pretty weird.

What? Of course a newborn can get overtired. That's baby 101. When a baby gets overtired That's when they need extra help (like walking or bouncing or a ride in the stroller) to get to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: at all the PPs thinking they know better than OP what her baby needs. Are you all like this IRL?

The baby will outgrow this sleep cycle quite soon. But the damage to the relationship and OP ensuring that she will be the default parent will last a really long time. Sometimes you have to look at the long game.

OP here. I am the main person with him all day. I know what he needs and I have made a routine that works for him. He’s not the one that has to care for him while he cries for 30 minutes because he’s overtired. He’s not the one that had to deal with a fussy baby all day. I was and I did something about it.

My husband works 7/8am - 5/6pm during the week. He takes a break around lunch to play with him and during the 6-7pm time. He spends a lot of time with him on the weekends.

But your initial post said it was his week off. For his week off would allow more flexibility as long as he (dad) is willing accept/deal with consequences. Dad bonding/learning time with baby is more important. When he is back at work - go back to your rules. It’s just one precious week. Let dad take charge and take some “you” time.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess tiger mom?? You’re both wrong btw.

[Anonymous]

OP, can your DH be the one to put him to nap? So he's spending time with baby, but still respecting the schedule?

I agree that your baby is a week or two away from being a lot more awake on a regular basis, so some of this is somewhat moot. But at this age it's not about play/not play. It's just about actively caring for the baby.

Also, please do bear in mind that soon your baby will want to be more awake...and you need to let him. My SIL (baby born in June) really struggled with that transition to needing to let the baby just experience the world, because she had invested so much energy in monitoring the routine. As I'm sure you know, it's critical for development that around 12weeks babies really start to see and interact with the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t eat throughout the night at his age ??

It sounds like he eats too much. Both of my babies ate 24-28oz, and didn’t start eating more than 24oz until 3-4 months old. Her baby eats 28-32oz which is a lot for a 9 week old baby.

OP here. The pediatrician said 24-32oz/day is normal. He eats a lot but he is not a big baby. We feed him what he wants. We don’t make him eat if he’s not hungry.

At least you feed him on demand. Why can't he sleep on demand?
Babies that age don't get overtired. They sleep when they sleep. They wake up when they wake up.
It's only when they are older that they can be stimulated and kept up. I think... I mean unless your husband is just turning on loud music and doing active playing with a newborn which would be pretty weird.

OP here. Yes he can get overtired. He gets tired at 75-90 minutes and I put him down. He falls right asleep each time. I don’t put him down when he isn’t tired. There is a 15 minute window flexibility if he gets tired earlier or isn’t tired at the time he needs to go down.

You can keep a baby awake too long. I did that in the beginning because I thought he would just fall asleep when he wanted to and wake up when he wanted to. He didn’t. He got overtired and would cry and cry. Once I learned hai wake windows and sleepy cues, he started going to sleep easily.

My baby is 9 weeks old. We interact and play with him. It’s not like he is a 4 week old that doesn’t need any stimulation. We do tummy time, play on his play gym, read to him, talk to him, take him on walks, etc. Everyone I know does this with their babies.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you are doing the right thing
My DS was a mess before I put him in on a schedule at 2 weeks old. He has slept well the rest of his life (he is now an adult).

I used a book (not Babywise) where the schedules changed ever week, adjusting for sleep needs.

As far as your DH, he is being unrealistic. Give him baby's schedule and tell him to play during playtime.