Anyone have an affair and actually end up with that person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it is bad karma to build your own happiness on somebody else unhappiness…

This is life though. I won the writing prize in HS and my friend was devastated. I won a scholarship in college and someone else had to work to pay tuition. I won a fellowship to grad school and someone else took out loans.

That’s different from stealing an award or scholarship from someone who already won it.

Also, a man who is willing to lie and cheat someone on your behalf is not exactly a prize.

Most men who are not complete losers will do anything once their net worth is involved.

[Anonymous]

NP but pp makes sense to me. I’ve never cheated or divorced but I can understand why cheaters would want to hide they cheated. Why bring all that extra drama into their lives/their kids lives?

Of course cheaters don’t want people to know, but this PP thinks that she is better than others because she is trying to “outsmart” everyone so they don’t have to know why she blew up her family. It’s completely narcissistic. She’s also kidding herself -there are definitely people that already know, word will get out or her kids will pick up clues and figure it out eventually. She’s no bette than any other garden variety cheater, and her suggesting that other cheaters should feel more shame because at least they are upfront about their relationship with their APs instead of hiding it is beyond laughable.

[Anonymous]

My father did. Left my mom after 30+ years of marriage and married the OW. I had a relationship with OW to make dad happy but after he died, no contact with her.

[Anonymous]

My great grandfather left his first wife for my great grandma they were married for 40+ years until he died

My grandfather ( son in law of great grandfather) left my grandmother married his ap. They were married for 30+ yes until he died

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it is bad karma to build your own happiness on somebody else unhappiness…

This is life though. I won the writing prize in HS and my friend was devastated. I won a scholarship in college and someone else had to work to pay tuition. I won a fellowship to grad school and someone else took out loans.

That’s different from stealing an award or scholarship from someone who already won it.

Also, a man who is willing to lie and cheat someone on your behalf is not exactly a prize.

Most men who are not complete losers will do anything once their net worth is involved.

A cheater and liar is a loser. Doesn't matter what his job or network is. Anyone can succeed in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. I left my spouse, AP wasn’t married. We’re together now and very happy.

Same. Married 15 years now. No kids with ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father did. Left my mom after 30+ years of marriage and married the OW. I had a relationship with OW to make dad happy but after he died, no contact with her.

Odd. Yet you didn't blame your father who would be the one I would have cut off from day 1. Sad when we are stuck with dirt bag family, sorry for your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have a friend who had what looked like a mid-life crisis and cheated on her husband while their kids were young. She left him, married her AP within months of the divorce and had another baby with her new husband. They seem happy.

The ones who remarry IMMEDIATELY amaze me. I have an AP, we are planning a life together, and we are going to great lengths to cover our tracks. Yes it's definitely selfish, but it's also better for the kids' wellbeing to not have that extra bitterness infect their lives. These people who jump into a new marriage with no shame fascinate me. Do they think others will forget with time? Do they not realize they'll wear a scarlet letter for life? Do they realize it but don't care??

Yet you think you are so smart, but your kids will know better.

[Anonymous]

One of my relatives cheated and his wife divorced him. He is still with the AP, but never married her. His kids will never come to his house. He has to go there, or they meet. He regrets it big time because he had bigger problems with the AP because he allowed her to break up the family. It's actually very sad.

Another one I know left his wife after 30 years. Two of the kids never talked to h im again, and the AP died within 5 years. Maybe it was a mid life crisis, but he destroyed h is life. His ex wife is very happy today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The ones who remarry IMMEDIATELY amaze me. I have an AP, we are planning a life together, and we are going to great lengths to cover our tracks. Yes it's definitely selfish, but it's also better for the kids' wellbeing to not have that extra bitterness infect their lives. These people who jump into a new marriage with no shame fascinate me. Do they think others will forget with time? Do they not realize they'll wear a scarlet letter for life? Do they realize it but don't care??

Wow you lack self-awareness. Do you think you are somehow better than the cheaters who rush into marriage? Also, let’s be real here - your concern is not that it’s better for your kids, it’s all about what’s best for you. The rest of your post and concern about others forgetting makes that abundantly clear. Your real motivator is you don’t want other people to know because you know what you are doing is sh!tty and you don’t want other people to look at you differently. That would force you to have to deal with your cognitive dissonance and you don’t want to have to self-reflect like that. What’s really fascinating is that you deign to be appalled by other cheaters while somehow not realizing you are worse.

I mean, everything I wrote is consistent. Correct I don't want people to know. But also correct it's better for the kids' psyches that they don't know. And also correct that there are levels of audacity. So yes I do think I'm better and smarter than someone who remarries instantly. You're the one with cognitive dissonance. You can't process that a cheater can make wise decisions.

Lol. Narcissists are entertaining as all heck!

And they will never ever realize it!

PP, some people can't handle being liars. It kills their souls. So they marry their APs and let consequences of that fall, but at least they can live without fear and everyone involved knows how they stand

[Anonymous]

Me. But it took years and it's currently long distance now.

AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it is bad karma to build your own happiness on somebody else unhappiness…

This is life though. I won the writing prize in HS and my friend was devastated. I won a scholarship in college and someone else had to work to pay tuition. I won a fellowship to grad school and someone else took out loans.

That’s different from stealing an award or scholarship from someone who already won it.

You think people win other people? Like a spouse is a prize? How are they a prize if they cheat on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it is bad karma to build your own happiness on somebody else unhappiness…

This is life though. I won the writing prize in HS and my friend was devastated. I won a scholarship in college and someone else had to work to pay tuition. I won a fellowship to grad school and someone else took out loans.

That’s different from stealing an award or scholarship from someone who already won it.

You think people win other people? Like a spouse is a prize? How are they a prize if they cheat on you?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my relatives cheated and his wife divorced him. He is still with the AP, but never married her. His kids will never come to his house. He has to go there, or they meet. He regrets it big time because he had bigger problems with the AP because he allowed her to break up the family. It's actually very sad.

Another one I know left his wife after 30 years. Two of the kids never talked to h im again, and the AP died within 5 years. Maybe it was a mid life crisis, but he destroyed h is life. His ex wife is very happy today.

Living well is the best revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a fairly common occurrence among:

-Men
-From previous generations
-Who leave when their kids are adults or at least in HS

Often they either felt pressured into the first marriage and no longer felt like making it work once the kids were mostly raised, or they had a midlife crisis. Then, being men who were accustomed to being taken care of, and by then in their 50s or so, they stuck with the AP, whether truly happy or not, for the... well, ultimately the eldercare.

That sounds cynical AF, but if you comb through the responses here, you see that describes a lot of those listed.

The one that came immediately to my mind was in that category-- DH's BFF's father. He was born in the early 1940s, married in the late 1960s. He had 4 kids and left the family for his AP when the oldest was 27 and the youngest was 17. He was about 57 when he left-- the AP was in her 40s. He's been with his AP for ~23 years now. I imagine he'll stay-- he's 80 now.

Yep.