Anyone have an affair and actually end up with that person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband left his ex for me. We're not that happy, tbh. Too many young children involved to do much about it. Ex wife still meddles since she is old and lonely (no kids) and apparently as narcissistic as he is. She actually went around telling everyone that would listen that I am a drug addict. That was her revenge. Ended up making her look bitter and crazy but whatever.

If there are no kids then it is 100% on your husband to block her and have zero contact with her.

You think he is as narcissitic as his ex-wife and you married him? WTF?

Sounds like she is getting bitter and angry just like the ex-wife. Gee, wonder why? I'm sure the next AP he marries will say the same about her after she continues to suffer his narcissistic abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband left his ex for me. We're not that happy, tbh. Too many young children involved to do much about it. Ex wife still meddles since she is old and lonely (no kids) and apparently as narcissistic as he is. She actually went around telling everyone that would listen that I am a drug addict. That was her revenge. Ended up making her look bitter and crazy but whatever.

You had kids with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband left his ex for me. We're not that happy, tbh. Too many young children involved to do much about it. Ex wife still meddles since she is old and lonely (no kids) and apparently as narcissistic as he is. She actually went around telling everyone that would listen that I am a drug addict. That was her revenge. Ended up making her look bitter and crazy but whatever.

If there are no kids then it is 100% on your husband to block her and have zero contact with her.

You think he is as narcissitic as his ex-wife and you married him? WTF?

Sounds like she is getting bitter and angry just like the ex-wife. Gee, wonder why? I'm sure the next AP he marries will say the same about her after she continues to suffer his narcissistic abuse.

The bloom is wearing off.

[Anonymous]

We are together 8 years in and doing great. Her ex wants to kill me. I've asked him to meet up a few times but he declines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More interesting data on why they don't:

How do affairs usually end?
Almost all affairs are discovered at one point or another. At that point, the married couple will face a choice together. They will either decide to end the marriage and deal with subsequent issues of alimony, divorce, and child support, or they will decide to stay together. Contrary to popular belief, most married couples stay together after one has an affair. Some couples even use it as a wake-up call to deal with greater problems in the relationship and use it as an opportunity to bring passion back to their union. Other people choose to divorce and perhaps the affair becomes a relationship. However, relationships that started with cheating are statistically less likely to be successful than relationships that started in other circumstances, and one of the reasons for this is that these affairs are built on infatuation, secrecy, and deception, and so do not have what it takes to stand when it comes to face to face with real-life challenges. In fact, only 3-5% of relationships that started as affairs lead to marriage.

What percentage of affairs end in divorce?

It’s possible to save your marriage after an affair. In fact, the majority of married couples will stay together after an affair. Fewer than 25% of married men and women will leave their marriage for a partner they met while having an affair. So, a married woman or man is not likely to leave their marriage for a lover. This could be due to people not wanting to deal with legal issues like alimony, child support, and the justice system, or it could be because the affair was a wake-up call, which they used to bring more togetherness and intimacy into their own relationship. Couples can recover after infidelity affairs or marital affairs, so if you’re wondering if that’s possible for a personal romantic relationship of yours where marital affairs have been present, know that it is possible if both you and your spouse are dedicated and invested in healing your trust and the relationship overall.

Are affairs real love?
This is a complex question that will significantly depend on your personal situation. Can people find love outside of marriage? Yes. But, in terms of statistics, do affairs usually lead to happy and satisfying relationships? No, not usually. Couples who started as cheating then later came together, whether they were couple friends, best friends, coworkers, or in-laws, tend to be more unhappy in their relationships as opposed to people who both started single. It may feel good at the beginning; you both love to spend time together in each other’s company. However, these affairs rarely last, especially when tested with real-life challenges. Also, someone who cheated in their marriage or relationship is about three times more likely to cheat again in later relationships. For that reason, it is best to seek out available partners, because if they are cheating in their relationship, then they might be using you for reasons other than genuine love.

So-called researchers pull this out of their ass. I've never met anyone in all of a fair land who was surveyed. Where are they getting this from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband left his ex for me. We're not that happy, tbh. Too many young children involved to do much about it. Ex wife still meddles since she is old and lonely (no kids) and apparently as narcissistic as he is. She actually went around telling everyone that would listen that I am a drug addict. That was her revenge. Ended up making her look bitter and crazy but whatever.

If there are no kids then it is 100% on your husband to block her and have zero contact with her.

You think he is as narcissitic as his ex-wife and you married him? WTF?

One woman’s trash is another ones treasure. Ha. Wish her well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband left his ex for me. We're not that happy, tbh. Too many young children involved to do much about it. Ex wife still meddles since she is old and lonely (no kids) and apparently as narcissistic as he is. She actually went around telling everyone that would listen that I am a drug addict. That was her revenge. Ended up making her look bitter and crazy but whatever.

Good

[Anonymous]

My dad is still with his ap/my stepmother 25 years in (compared to 18 with my mom). Is he happy? Not sure but my parents marriage was dysfunctional.

I don't blame him for divorcing, but having an affair, disappearing for a while and marrying someone who deeply resents his children/friends/anyone from his life before her and has uncontrolled rage was a selfish and poor choice.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say affair love isn't real. Because any love - as pointed out here many many times - is a choice. I'm choosing to love somebody and do loving things, whether that be my spouse or my AP, right?

We all had that kind of sexy limerence at the start of a relationship, and it is just as real in an affair as it is in a non-affair.

[Anonymous]

My SIL's father was with his AP for 17 years. He was an alcoholic and not good with money. He could not afford his condo, so she and her sister bought one and he paid them rent.

Apparently the AP did not know that. He died of a heart attack and my SIL and her sister evicted her, she did not know it was not in his name and she thought she would get it.

Flew across the country, had him cremated, no funeral, evicted the OW, sold his car and had a junk company take the rest to the junk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say affair love isn't real. Because any love - as pointed out here many many times - is a choice. I'm choosing to love somebody and do loving things, whether that be my spouse or my AP, right?

We all had that kind of sexy limerence at the start of a relationship, and it is just as real in an affair as it is in a non-affair.

Ah no. My spouse and I can still get that feeling back at certain times. AP fizzled out and ended badly. Nothing left there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say affair love isn't real. Because any love - as pointed out here many many times - is a choice. I'm choosing to love somebody and do loving things, whether that be my spouse or my AP, right?

We all had that kind of sexy limerence at the start of a relationship, and it is just as real in an affair as it is in a non-affair.

Ah no. My spouse and I can still get that feeling back at certain times. AP fizzled out and ended badly. Nothing left there.

Well, that's fine. Are you also saying because love fizzles out it isn't real? Many folks are still married to people where the love fizzled out - does it mean their previous love wasn't real? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

I did.
I wad with my ex since I was 19 years old.
I had "dated" other guys before him, but nothing long term or serious.
My ex was very insecure, jealous, a really proficient gaslighter and controlling.

I worked with my now DH and he showed me that's not how a woman should be treated.
It started out as an emotional affair as we got closer, but we didn't do anything sexually or even a kiss until after a year of him being an incredible support system.

During that year of him building me up and making me realize how a relationship should be, I tried everything with my ex because I didn't want to be a failure... we even went to therapy & marriage counseling, but he was so set in his ways (he was 8 years older than me) so rigid, he wouldn't open up in therapy, he just kind of ran through the motions to appease the therapist.
It was incredibly frustrating.

After that first kiss with my now DH, I went home, packed a bag, went to my parents house and filled for separation 2 days later.

We've been married for 18 years, 3 awesome teens, my DH is an incredible husband & an even better father, and I have never been happier in my entire life.

I do still have guilt over the way we started our relationship, but after being treated the way my ex did & how my DH treats me, even if it didn't work out with my now DH & we hypothetically ended up breaking up, I would have STILL left my ex, because my DH showed me that I deserved better.

[Anonymous]

* was
* filed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say affair love isn't real. Because any love - as pointed out here many many times - is a choice. I'm choosing to love somebody and do loving things, whether that be my spouse or my AP, right?

We all had that kind of sexy limerence at the start of a relationship, and it is just as real in an affair as it is in a non-affair.

Ah no. My spouse and I can still get that feeling back at certain times. AP fizzled out and ended badly. Nothing left there.

? What happened to him/her?