For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Lol fantasy world

? You really think it’s a fantasy to not make male validation your identity? Dream bigger sweetheart!

It’s a fantasy world you think his family will be on your side. You are cray cray.

And if your identity is not wrapped up in your husband, why do you care how much time he spends with his adult children?

??? My husband is 37. His oldest child is my 10 yr old.

Then, why are you posting on a thread about man with a 20 year old children?

Because my dad did this twice.

Well now we know how badly that turned out.

Yup. The later kids are pretty messed up. One of them dropped out of school and is living in my basement now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

I am a young adult from "Steve's former marriage." From your eyes it does not. From ours--me and my siblings--it did in a major way. Decades later we are merely an after thought.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

I am a young adult from "Steve's former marriage." From your eyes it does not. From ours--me and my siblings--it did in a major way. Decades later we are merely an after thought.

They don’t get it because, definitionally, only a woman with major daddy issues would marry our dads. So they can’t even wrap their minds around a normal healthy relationship with your dad as an adult.

[Anonymous]

No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

Parents' job is done when their kids become adults. The adult children should earn the relationship now.

LOL! I’m loving watching the inner workings of the evil stepmother mind. It must feel so good to air out all these weak rationalizations in private. After all if you said this BS in public all your friends would have a group chat tearing you apart.

First wife response - typical

You mean only wife?

I’m honestly not mad at my stepmoms at all. I feel sad for them. My dad churned & burned them. But I do wonder if they were huffing this kind of copium at the time.

You understand your mother was churned and burned as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Moron...problem is you couldn't accept daddy moved on. Had new kids because he wanted them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Oh my. Daddy? With capital D? Grown children being "kids"? You guys need professional help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Moron...problem is you couldn't accept daddy moved on. Had new kids because he wanted them

MORON no 40-50 year man with almost gown children wants babies. and you shouldn't be such a C$NT to his existing children.

[Anonymous]

Lots of second wives pissing all over their "earned" territory here.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Moron...problem is you couldn't accept daddy moved on. Had new kids because he wanted them

MORON no 40-50 year man with almost gown children wants babies. and you shouldn't be such a C$NT to his existing children.

My husband is 46 and wanted more kids because crazy ex alienated him from first.
Guess what he still wants more. You know why because in his words he finally got to be a dad and not a check book.
He's happy to finally get to have a real relationship with children who aren't vindictive sh*ts.
As for the kids they will be treated how they treat us.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Moron...problem is you couldn't accept daddy moved on. Had new kids because he wanted them

MORON no 40-50 year man with almost gown children wants babies. and you shouldn't be such a C$NT to his existing children.

All this is water under the bridge. The OP's father is remarried, has or will have another child and OP can 1) deal with the situation and maintain a polite relationship with her father and his new family or 2) cut them off completely from her life. These are the only options within OP's control.

[Anonymous]

My young adult child doesn’t need or want money from his dad, he wants time. A meal together just the two of them, a few hours fishing or even doing house projects. He does get invited on the new family vacations but it’s an invitation in words only, the logistics would never work (think a cruise where only one cabin was booked for his dad, step mom and their two kids, elementary and toddler). The room doesn’t even sleep five.

My XH’s new wife seems kind and is actually good to my adult son, it’s my XH who doesn’t make an effort to have a relationship with him. I do believe at some point my son will stop trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Moron...problem is you couldn't accept daddy moved on. Had new kids because he wanted them

MORON no 40-50 year man with almost gown children wants babies. and you shouldn't be such a C$NT to his existing children.

My husband is 46 and wanted more kids because crazy ex alienated him from first.
Guess what he still wants more. You know why because in his words he finally got to be a dad and not a check book.
He's happy to finally get to have a real relationship with children who aren't vindictive sh*ts.
As for the kids they will be treated how they treat us.

You are blaming children for your H's failure to parent his own children.

No real father can lose all relationship with their kids if they have 50/50 custody. Most men just don't want their kids 50% of the time and then are a-holes when they have no relationship.

Did he have 50/50 custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Moron...problem is you couldn't accept daddy moved on. Had new kids because he wanted them

MORON no 40-50 year man with almost gown children wants babies. and you shouldn't be such a C$NT to his existing children.

My husband is 46 and wanted more kids because crazy ex alienated him from first.
Guess what he still wants more. You know why because in his words he finally got to be a dad and not a check book.
He's happy to finally get to have a real relationship with children who aren't vindictive sh*ts.
As for the kids they will be treated how they treat us.

You are blaming children for your H's failure to parent his own children.

No real father can lose all relationship with their kids if they have 50/50 custody. Most men just don't want their kids 50% of the time and then are a-holes when they have no relationship.

Did he have 50/50 custody?

No because she moved out of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you aren't a women with Daddy issues, you are a women with issues with women. You come into the relationship competing with the grown children of the man you married. You resent Daddy spending money and time on his existing kids, you have zero idea how to relate to them and spend zero time trying to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. Then you start popping out new babies to replace those kids and icing them out of Daddy's life. YOU are the problem.

Moron...problem is you couldn't accept daddy moved on. Had new kids because he wanted them

MORON no 40-50 year man with almost gown children wants babies. and you shouldn't be such a C$NT to his existing children.

My husband is 46 and wanted more kids because crazy ex alienated him from first.
Guess what he still wants more. You know why because in his words he finally got to be a dad and not a check book.
He's happy to finally get to have a real relationship with children who aren't vindictive sh*ts.
As for the kids they will be treated how they treat us.

You are blaming children for your H's failure to parent his own children.

No real father can lose all relationship with their kids if they have 50/50 custody. Most men just don't want their kids 50% of the time and then are a-holes when they have no relationship.

Did he have 50/50 custody?

No because she moved out of the country.
Had another kid with another guy so left with him. Maybe she shouldn't have had another kid and moved