Reply to For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life. [/quote]

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up. [/quote]

How are the second set messed up?  They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home.  In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice.  She got to move on.  He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.[/quote]

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad. [/quote]

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true.  In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.  [/quote]

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young. [/quote]

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc.  It's all over this thread. [/quote]

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*[/quote]

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something.  Life happens. [/quote]

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate. [/quote]

Lol fantasy world [/quote]

? You really think it’s a fantasy to not make male validation your identity? Dream bigger sweetheart! [/quote]

It’s a fantasy world you think his family will be on your side. You are cray cray.

And if your identity is not wrapped up in your husband, why do you care how much time he spends with his adult children?[/quote]

??? My husband is 37. His oldest child is my 10 yr old.[/quote]

Then, why are you posting on a thread about man with a 20 year old children?[/quote]

Because my dad did this twice. [/quote]

Well now we know how badly that turned out.[/quote]

Yup. The later kids are pretty messed up. One of them dropped out of school and is living in my basement now. [/quote]

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