"Friends" who don't express condolences on FB
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Anonymous
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I recently lost my mother and shared this on Facebook. I got lots of very nice responses from close friends as well as other people who rarely comment on my posts. It was really nice that so many people came out of the woodwork to express their sympathy.
At the same time I was disappointed at a few "friends" who frequently post (several times a day) about their wonderful lives, but didn't even bother to say anything in response to my sad news. I am talking about friends who will comment when I have a great photo of myself ("Wow you look great"). So I know these people are definitely "following" me. I am so tempted to unfriend these "friends." To put it in perspective, there are only a couple I can think of, and these are the narcissistic daily posters sharing each and every experience they have in their lives. So I think I get it and maybe should feel sorry for them. Just a rant...thanks for listening. |
Anonymous
| I'm very sorry for your loss. Some people are very uncomfortable with death. It's probably an issue of theirs that doesn't relate to you personally. |
Anonymous
| Un-friending feels great sometimes - especially with over posters. As for the sympathy posts - a friend passed not long ago and there were several posts from several family members. I just could not express my condolences on a semi public forum. Death in a family is such a big deal and FB seems like a very inappropriate place to express feelings. Maybe I'm the odd one on this but I just couldn't post anything. |
Anonymous
| Maybe they were uncomfortable doing so publicly. Or maybe they didn't see your post. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I do think some people freeze when it comes to expressing condolences, particularly on a public site like FB. It's hard to find the right words to say, and some people second-guess themselves as to whether things they do or don't say might not strike the right tone. Of course, maybe the "friends" in question are just narcissistic types who only take interest in themselves, and wouldn't hesitate to share both the good and the bad things in their own lives. I'm just pointing out that there are a lot of people who don't know how to respond to sad news. |
Anonymous
| I would probably not comment/post on FB about something so personal, even if my friend announced it there. I cant really explain why, just that to me it doesnt feel like the right venue. Take heart, maybe a real card or remembrance gift is coming your way. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry for your loss OP, but you really can't read so much into FB behavior. I almost never do a condolence on FB because it frankly feels wildly inappropriate to me, and so many of them seem insincere. I prefer to write a sympathy letter/note to friends. And sometimes I don't get to it right away, it might take a few weeks. It doesn't mean I am not thinking of you.
You can certainly unfriend people who are not actual friends but I wouldn't unfriend people who happened not to comment on your post. |
Anonymous
| It's Facebook. You're reading too much into it. Perhaps they didn't feel like commenting and getting 600 notifications every time other people commented. |
Anonymous
| Also, you really can't know if they saw that particular post. Sometimes I will see a post from days or weeks prior that I am shocked to have missed! |
Anonymous
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Sorry, there is no excuse to not say something, privately or publicity. There are so many ways to organize your FB wall, but most people don't bother.
18:29 - check your settings, you probably forgot to change it to newest first as opposed to top stories. |
Anonymous
Absolutely. Although with something big, I then do send a message privately if it is a close friend. I'm sorry for your loss, OP. When I lost my mom, I asked my husband to contact my very close friends by phone. Even then, some didn't respond. I was hurt. But there are a lot of people who have no idea how to deal with this stuff and if you're one of the first in your group, it can feel really isolating. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, I would never post condolences on fb. If I am real friends with you, I will call, text, email. But I am not going to do it publicly.
In fact, I am the facebookiest Facebooker there is. Big I would not post about a loved one's death on FB. My close friends would know, and ftmp. It would seem like grief trolling to me. I don't really need my son's first grade teacher or my workout group to offer up empty condolences online. My only point-- some people just have differeng ideas or more likely. may not have even seen it! You are grieving badly OP. And you're going to feel lots of anger. Just don't burn bridges at this moment. You may have a different perspective with time |
Anonymous
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Sorry for your loss, OP.
I would never post about something so personal on Facebook and when other people do it, I'm reluctant to comment because it does feel like an odd, stilted venue for condolences. |
Anonymous
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FWIW, not everything you post shows up on people's news feeds. Facebook's algorithm doesn't serve every post up to every single person on your friends list, so there's actually no guarantee that they saw the post. Even if you have yours set to newest first vs top stories, you do not see every single post by every single friend. Just how it works.
And if they did, they may not be the types who are comfortable expressing condolences on a Facebook post. You're upset right now, and rightfully so, as you lost your mother, but you are reading WAY too much into this. |
Anonymous
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Even if they follow you, I don't think that means EVERY post shows up in their feed. Maybe they were away or didn't check their FB account for a few days and your news was not front and centre. Everyone uses different settings based on why or how they use FB.
This kind of stuff that makes me want to quit FB. If you have real news that you are expecting response from people regarding, contact them personally!! |