"Friends" who don't express condolences on FB

[Anonymous]

I have a FB profile but haven't used it in years. I hope people haven't cut me off just because I'm not using it! If we're truly friends, I will hear of your loss and call you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance/FB "friend" lost her mother last year. She posted endless minutiae of her mother's health, condition, then death, etc. I personally found it very odd and a little creepy to do that on such a public forum--she has over 750 "friends". As if you really know that many people. So I can see it from the other perspective. I understand that losing a parent is difficult, but constant posting for attention (as this appeared to me) strikes me as creepy.

And your point is? Did you express condolence to your friend? If not, then unfollow her or unfriend. If you find it so odd, then don't expose yourself to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the same thing happen when I lost a parent recently. A friend who posts multiple times a day of her getting coffee, at the salon, what her kids are doing, what she's drinking for lunch, which fancy restaurant they are at tonight or how great one of her favorite sports teams is.
She "liked" my post about the death of my parent, but not so much as an I'm sorry.
I was upset about it. Honestly, I'll never forget it, and things won't ever be the same with us. She showed her true colors.

I'm not on FB anymore, but for two solid years now, I've been dealing with all aspects of my father's care as he moves through the final stages of Alzheimer's. Very, very few friends even ask about my dad or how I'm doing. I understand it's depressing and distressing and uncomfortable to talk about my dad, so maybe it's my fault I don't talk about him to my friends. Maybe because I am younger and have an elderly parent and so none of my friends can relate? Still, it's so isolating and lonely feeling like no one understands or even cares.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you well during this sad time. Be gentle with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently lost my mother and shared this on Facebook. I got lots of very nice responses from close friends as well as other people who rarely comment on my posts. It was really nice that so many people came out of the woodwork to express their sympathy.

At the same time I was disappointed at a few "friends" who frequently post (several times a day) about their wonderful lives, but didn't even bother to say anything in response to my sad news. I am talking about friends who will comment when I have a great photo of myself ("Wow you look great"). So I know these people are definitely "following" me.

I am so tempted to unfriend these "friends." To put it in perspective, there are only a couple I can think of, and these are the narcissistic daily posters sharing each and every experience they have in their lives. So I think I get it and maybe should feel sorry for them.

Just a rant...thanks for listening.

This was me today. I am feeling really badly to not comment. But I am at a huge loss for words about it. I know I will have something to say with another day of thought.
Fwiw, I didn't post anything myself. My DH did tag me in a happy photo of my child. (He has no connection to the individual who just passed away).

[Anonymous]

I never give condolences or congrats on FB. Oh wait, I don't post much on FB at all!

I follow news sites, school PTO page, my alma mater's page etc. I don't go there to read friends bragging or do any of my own. And I certainly don't post personal heartbreaks on there.

[Anonymous]

OP, my sincere condolences on your loss.

I'm guessing some of these people didn't see your post on their newsfeed and if they did, then maybe they felt a little uncomfortable responding in such a public platform.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they didn't check Facebook that day. I know sometimes if I haven't logged on in awhile there are so many posts that I don't scroll back through them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, you really can't know if they saw that particular post. Sometimes I will see a post from days or weeks prior that I am shocked to have missed!

X 1000

[Anonymous]

Wow.

First, I'm really sorry about your mother's death.

It must suck to feel the need to keep score like this. I think that you should go ahead and unfriend these people if this bothers you this much.

[Anonymous]

That why I call it Facebook. Sorry for your loss, but I think you are learning the hard way. Fakebook

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently lost my mother and shared this on Facebook. I got lots of very nice responses from close friends as well as other people who rarely comment on my posts. It was really nice that so many people came out of the woodwork to express their sympathy.

At the same time I was disappointed at a few "friends" who frequently post (several times a day) about their wonderful lives, but didn't even bother to say anything in response to my sad news. I am talking about friends who will comment when I have a great photo of myself ("Wow you look great"). So I know these people are definitely "following" me.

I am so tempted to unfriend these "friends." To put it in perspective, there are only a couple I can think of, and these are the narcissistic daily posters sharing each and every experience they have in their lives. So I think I get it and maybe should feel sorry for them.

Just a rant...thanks for listening.

You really posted about our mother's death on Facebook?

[Anonymous]

How long ago did you make this post OP? If very recently, there might be a personal, heartfelt card, email or phone coming your way. I can't imagine a close friend expressing their condolences on Facebook. That type of post is for long lost acquaintances IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently lost my mother and shared this on Facebook. I got lots of very nice responses from close friends as well as other people who rarely comment on my posts. It was really nice that so many people came out of the woodwork to express their sympathy.

At the same time I was disappointed at a few "friends" who frequently post (several times a day) about their wonderful lives, but didn't even bother to say anything in response to my sad news. I am talking about friends who will comment when I have a great photo of myself ("Wow you look great"). So I know these people are definitely "following" me.

I am so tempted to unfriend these "friends." To put it in perspective, there are only a couple I can think of, and these are the narcissistic daily posters sharing each and every experience they have in their lives. So I think I get it and maybe should feel sorry for them.

Just a rant...thanks for listening.

-not every post of yours shows up in your friends timeline, so it is entirely possible your friend didn't see the news on social media
-not everyone spends all day on social media, so it is possible your friend didn't see the news that minute or day.
-not everyone is comfortable with certain types of posts on social media, this might be one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably not comment/post on FB about something so personal, even if my friend announced it there. I cant really explain why, just that to me it doesnt feel like the right venue. Take heart, maybe a real card or remembrance gift is coming your way.

+1
I usually private message people with a message of sympathy. Just commenting on a post seems so impersonal and phoning it in. For real friends, they get a hand written note.

[Anonymous]

You can't use Facebook to announce death. Seriously. Contrary to popular belief, most people aren't glued to Facebook 24/7. Posts aren't always in your newsfeed. Many of us go days without checking it.

A relative announced a death on FB this summer and got very upset when people didn't comment or reach out---including me. I gently explained that we were at the beach and I hadn't checked Facebook until we returned...and apologized for missing the funeral. Candidly, I was upset that nobody bothered to call or text me. Are we really relying on social media for death announcements these days? Unbelievable.