"Friends" who don't express condolences on FB
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I don't post condolences on fb unless it's for a pet. I don't think it's an appropriate space for the complexities of grief. If it works for others and brings them some peace, more power to them. |
Anonymous
| I don't give my condolences on Facebook. I think it's trite and shallow to do that. I'll say nothing on FB and mail you a card that a mail carrier will deliver. To me it seems insincere to toss out a "Sorry for your loss! HUGS!" on Facebook. |
Anonymous
| some of us don't look at facebook every day, or even every week. My mother recently passed, and I was touched by how many people commented. But I wouldn't have faulted them if they missed it. it's a fast moving stream. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. I actually disagree with the idea that condolences in social media is somehow insincere or trite. I had lots of very warm and sincere messages from the heart from many close and distant friends. This was the death of my mom who was elderly and had a wonderful life. In a way the post was a celebration of the life she lived. It was a sad post, however death is part life...especially as a baby boomer losing parents, in-laws, and aunts and uncles yearly now. I do know that one of the friends who did not respond did post in the past about other people's passing publicly...quite often actually--(This person posts about just about everything)--so I know that the issue of death is not something she is uncomfortable with. Maybe my posts are not reaching her feed...but it is odd that the other posts do. Usually posts that get lots of comments tend to reach everyone's feeds, so that is why I am puzzled with the lack of responsiveness...or perhaps forgetfulness on her part. Maybe someone saw the post and thought she should post something thoughtful later, and it slipped her mind.
Anyway, I do appreciate the thoughts from all of you strangers! And I will try to just let this one go. It just felt good to vent about it here, on this wonderfully anonymous space. |
Anonymous
| If the person posted about their loss on Facebook, then it's an appropriate places to express condolences. To say otherwise makes it all about you and not the person experiencing the loss. Nothing stopping you from also sending a card and memorial contribution. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
+1 Doesn't mean I don't care. |
Anonymous
| You do realize that your post may not even have appeared in their feeds, right? |
Anonymous
|
What a strange thing to post of Facebook. Wow, I wouldn't comment either.
Seems like you are screaming for attention. |
Anonymous
| An acquaintance/FB "friend" lost her mother last year. She posted endless minutiae of her mother's health, condition, then death, etc. I personally found it very odd and a little creepy to do that on such a public forum--she has over 750 "friends". As if you really know that many people. So I can see it from the other perspective. I understand that losing a parent is difficult, but constant posting for attention (as this appeared to me) strikes me as creepy. |
Anonymous
|
I had the same thing happen when I lost a parent recently. A friend who posts multiple times a day of her getting coffee, at the salon, what her kids are doing, what she's drinking for lunch, which fancy restaurant they are at tonight or how great one of her favorite sports teams is.
She "liked" my post about the death of my parent, but not so much as an I'm sorry. I was upset about it. Honestly, I'll never forget it, and things won't ever be the same with us. She showed her true colors. |
Anonymous
Did you send a note to the person to tell them that you are sorry for their loss? It doesn't have to be on Facebook, but you have to do something. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I am so, so sorry for your loss. And I am so sorry that some "friends" haven't reached out to you, on Facebook or otherwise. I call bull$hit on the PPs who said it didn't feel "appropriate" to offer condolences on FB, or that it makes them "uncomfortable." This isn't about you - it's about your friend, who has just suffered a devastating loss.
Unfortunately, some people are self-centered and self-absorbed. It's a shame. I lost my mom last year, and I posted it on Facebook. It may seem strange, but that's the reality of modern communication. The notes of condolence, whether from my dearest friends, or from elementary school teachers from decades ago, were comforting to some degree. When you're dealing with that depth of grief, every little bit helps. And also, FB algorithms take to the top of your newsfeed any posts mentioning births, deaths, etc. So, it's very unlikely that people didn't see the post. I seriously hate some of you and your $hitty, self-centered responses to this post. |
Anonymous
| You expect too much from people who are labeled as "friends". True friends make calls to reach you. |
Anonymous
|
I don't go on FB every day; when I do, I sort by Most Recent, but I don't always make it down to where I left off. So I could easily miss an important post.
Also, honestly, I can't imagine tabulating who responds to a specific post or doesn't. I'd be happy to receive condolences, of course, but I can't imagine keeping track of whether or not someone responds or judging them on that basis. |