Approaching one year without sex with DH ...

[Anonymous]

I am 35, 2 kids under 4 year old, busy life, we both work FT in demanding jobs. We used to laugh a little bit about our lack of sex life since we had kids but I am not laughing anymore. I don't understand why my DH is so uninterested ... Honestly I think I look ok, 5'5, 110 pounds, curves at the right places, i don't look much different post babies (of course I look older but I don't have wrinkles or grey hairs yet) I know from experience and how other men look at me that I am attractive, but it is as if my DH only sees a friend..

I know he used to find me pretty, I was his dream girl in grad school, we still have great intellectual discussions, but he seems to have zero libido. I was sitting on the couch five minutes ago next to him, half naked, gently tanned after a summer at the beach, my boobs round and out, my bare legs next to him. I know I looked good tonight from the appreciative looks I got all day long. And nothing, not even a hand on my knee.. I feel so transparent and lonely ..

I don't even dare touching him myself. It is weird, as if I would be trespassing. There is now a wall and I feel so shy. I have been rebuked too often. And whenever I try to discuss the topic he says I am not making enough efforts to arouse him. But I don't even see how. I am not a prude, but I am not going to start a lap dance to arouse someone who doesn't even start with the beginning of a twinkle in his eyes.

I think he is putting the blame on me to avoid facing th exact that he has no desire for me.. Any DH or DW that can relate and help me understand?

[Anonymous]

32 and no sex? What?????

[Anonymous]

Get off the internet

[Anonymous]

Keep describing yourself sitting in the couch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:32 and no sex? What?????

35 but yes.. What the f*.. that's exactly how I feel , I love him and our family life but I think I am going to drag him to therapy and if there is no improvement ask for an open marriage. It makes no sense to me to live without sex at our age. We have only one life. If we were 70 I could understand... It is not that I have a super high libido but no sex at all.. That's just so sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep describing yourself sitting in the couch.

Sorry rereading my original post I did sound like I was trying to write some soft chick porn .. I am in melodrama mode ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get off the internet

Why? As I said I am not missing much. Currently alone in my bed while he is still watching TV downstairs ..

[Anonymous]

Schedule it. 60 hour week jobs, two young kids and Friday night can be tired some. Give him a 48 hour warning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schedule it. 60 hour week jobs, two young kids and Friday night can be tired some. Give him a 48 hour warning!

Thank you! That's a good advice. May I ask: on which side of the issue are you? DW/DH? With libido or without?

[Anonymous]

Male : I don't understand your situation. Your DH should pull his head out of his butt. That said it's easy to get into a rut. maybe try a different approach that is fun and not emotionally loaded.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you won't dance around in lingerie in front of him? i'm not saving it is your fault but spice it up. Men are visual creatures

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you won't dance around in lingerie in front of him? i'm not saving it is your fault but spice it up. Men are visual creatures

There is no way that the reason that a otherwise healthy guy in his mid 30s won't have sex for a year is because his partner did not dance in lingerie. That excuse is deflection. OP would be setting herself up for failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you won't dance around in lingerie in front of him? i'm not saving it is your fault but spice it up. Men are visual creatures

Huh? Because that takes guts and her confidence is shot. At least it is with him.

Tell him you miss him and want him and need him. That you need to feel close to him.

Not making enough efforts? That's bull. Maybe he needs to go to the doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule it. 60 hour week jobs, two young kids and Friday night can be tired some. Give him a 48 hour warning!

Thank you! That's a good advice. May I ask: on which side of the issue are you? DW/DH? With libido or without?

We do a tag you're it thing. So if I want it I give it a try but if he's not reciprocating he knows he has 24 hours I'll be expecting it!

That said, when we had v young kids we had other underlying issues - poor verbal communication, time Mgmt - that manifested itself in less sex. Working through those items and each of us improving ourselves made everything more attractive again! Plus the kids older than 3 or 4 helps...

[Anonymous]

DW here. I was in a rut, relationship with DH was far from ideal, so we stopped having sex for 2 years, except for a handful of times. Now I enjoy sex again very much and the dry spell is over. Pot was my medicine because it enabled me to turn off the noise in my head and enjoy the experience. I smoked a few times before sex to relearn what I forgot, and we got used to being close again and the problem is solved. It may help your husband remember what he is missing too.