Mother refused to order take out unless I called in the order

[Anonymous]

My mother has been visiting for the last few weeks. She's a much better grandmother than she was a mother. But, DH actually gets along quite well with her and has no problems with her lengthy visits. She texted me at work today and said she'd buy Indian food tonight for dinner. We introduced her to it and she really likes it from this particular place near us. Long story short, she stated that unless I ordered it, she wasn't going to pay for it. DH pipes up and said he'd call to order it but she said, 'No. If Larla doesn't order it, I'm not buying'. I said 'looks like leftovers then'. DH says, 'You're kidding me? You won't buy it because Larla won't order it?' She said, 'We've got plenty of other things to eat.'

My mother eventually relented and DH ordered but leftovers were far more appealing to me tonight. DH came in later and asked WTF was all that about. I just told him he'd gotten a glimpse of what our interactions when I was growing up. Except, I now I had more choices and options.

Can you believe that shit? Unless 'I' ordered the food she wasn't buying it.

[Anonymous]

Was she just trying to control you, or was she intimidated to call in the order and thought you'd get her order right while your husband might not?

I'm having a hard time understanding why you picked this hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Was she afraid he'd steal her credit card info? Did she give any reason at all?

[Anonymous]

OP here. She didn't give a reason why it had to be me. She's given DH her credit card info before (we've been married 15 years) and has never expressed trust issues with DH before. She likes him. We get the same thing every time, we have the menu at home and the items are highlighted - so that no one has to think about what needs to be ordered! Her MO is to feign helplessness and I guess tonight she decided she wanted me to cater to her. Too bad.

And, it's not a hill to die on. It was just dinner and she was right that there was plenty of other food in the house.

[Anonymous]

I think she was intimidated to call in the order.

I also think it is a long time to have family over. Next time don't have her over for "weeks" at a time.

[Anonymous]

She's bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was she just trying to control you, or was she intimidated to call in the order and thought you'd get her order right while your husband might not?

I'm having a hard time understanding why you picked this hill to die on.

I'm having a hard time understanding why you'd let people walk all over you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she was afraid of mispronouncing the names of Indian food. Maybe she can't see very well to read the menu, or hear well enough to speak on the phone (especially to someone with an Indian accent).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she was afraid of mispronouncing the names of Indian food. Maybe she can't see very well to read the menu, or hear well enough to speak on the phone (especially to someone with an Indian accent).

But she didn't want op's dh to do the order either. That's the weird controlling bit.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you very oddly refused to order the food that she was offering you as a gift. How rude of you! Then again, I think having visits that long is just a set up for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was she just trying to control you, or was she intimidated to call in the order and thought you'd get her order right while your husband might not?

I'm having a hard time understanding why you picked this hill to die on.

I'm having a hard time understanding why you'd let people walk all over you.

If my guest said they'd feel more comfortable if I did something, and it'd take me minimal time/effort/money, I'd do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she was afraid of mispronouncing the names of Indian food. Maybe she can't see very well to read the menu, or hear well enough to speak on the phone (especially to someone with an Indian accent).

But she didn't want op's dh to do the order either. That's the weird controlling bit.

Yup. This reminds me of my little one: "no daddy, I want MOMMY to wipe me." Strange controlling behavior for an adult. OP, I have a controlling father who pulls random crap like this and I get it - lots of people think this is an easy one to let slide, and it is in isolation, but sometimes you just hit your limit with this shit. I hope the leftovers were yummy

[Anonymous]

Unless you really didn't want takeout, you should've just made the call. What's the big deal? If she's doing it for control, she kind of won this exchange because she got you to take a stand over something stupid.

[Anonymous]

Guess what, honey? Your mommy paid for your dinner. You don't have a leg to stand on.

You want to play power games? You pay for dinner, like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you really didn't want takeout, you should've just made the call. What's the big deal? If she's doing it for control, she kind of won this exchange because she got you to take a stand over something stupid.

Agree. What a stupid thing to take issue with.