Mother refused to order take out unless I called in the order

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was she just trying to control you, or was she intimidated to call in the order and thought you'd get her order right while your husband might not?

I'm having a hard time understanding why you picked this hill to die on.

I'm having a hard time understanding why you'd let people walk all over you.

If my guest said they'd feel more comfortable if I did something, and it'd take me minimal time/effort/money, I'd do it.

But the mother didn't even want the DH to call! It HAD to be the daughter. That means this isn't about comfort level -- it's about some weird need to control everything.

[Anonymous]

My mother occasionally does things exactly like this - she keeps going and going with it, but ultimately will back down and say it is a joke if I hold my ground. She does have an odd, rather harsh sense of humor.

[Anonymous]

She was worried your DH will not order what she wants. You said she likes what she likes and probably knows your DH may not pay close attention to what she said she wants or he doesn't know and that may have happened before. My mom likes what she likes and heaven help us if somebody gets her order wrong. Men are known for not ordering exactly as told and they don't want to pay attention to what you are saying, like I don't want onions, but DH thinks it is too much trouble to tell no onions, no mushrooms, and I have no problem with it. The not paying was a bit weird, but maybe because she knew your DH would get it wrong and then she would be paying for something she doesn't want. Same for her, she is probably not sure what it is that she likes as you were the one who introduced her to Indian food and know what she likes. I don't let my DH order food either, kids and I are very picky and he always screws it up, always. Not maliciously, just doesn't pay attention. It is the same with all the men in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guess what, honey? Your mommy paid for your dinner. You don't have a leg to stand on.

You want to play power games? You pay for dinner, like an adult.

This is the critical point. Mommy was paying for the dinner, she asked OP to order. She might have reason she didn't want dh to do it, personal or cultural.

At first I thought OP was buying, in that case this would be a bit rude to insist as she did. But in this case, no. It sounds like pent up resentment by OP over past issues.

[Anonymous]

Mom is paying and wants the daughter to order. That sounds like one loving parent to me. What was your problem?

[Anonymous]

Does she ever call in takeout orders? I hate callin. In and always ask DH to do it. I just find it embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

People are crazy. Your mother is one of them. Let it go, OP. Life is too short to fight with other people's craziness unless it's something important. Ordering take-out is NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was worried your DH will not order what she wants. You said she likes what she likes and probably knows your DH may not pay close attention to what she said she wants or he doesn't know and that may have happened before. My mom likes what she likes and heaven help us if somebody gets her order wrong. Men are known for not ordering exactly as told and they don't want to pay attention to what you are saying, like I don't want onions, but DH thinks it is too much trouble to tell no onions, no mushrooms, and I have no problem with it. The not paying was a bit weird, but maybe because she knew your DH would get it wrong and then she would be paying for something she doesn't want. Same for her, she is probably not sure what it is that she likes as you were the one who introduced her to Indian food and know what she likes. I don't let my DH order food either, kids and I are very picky and he always screws it up, always. Not maliciously, just doesn't pay attention. It is the same with all the men in my family.

it must be exhausting to be you, so many excuses why a grown man is incapable of doing something mundane like ordering takeout, and excuses for a grown woman who has raised her own kid(s) and is also incapable of the same mundane task. do you make this many excuses for other people in your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was worried your DH will not order what she wants. You said she likes what she likes and probably knows your DH may not pay close attention to what she said she wants or he doesn't know and that may have happened before. My mom likes what she likes and heaven help us if somebody gets her order wrong. Men are known for not ordering exactly as told and they don't want to pay attention to what you are saying, like I don't want onions, but DH thinks it is too much trouble to tell no onions, no mushrooms, and I have no problem with it. The not paying was a bit weird, but maybe because she knew your DH would get it wrong and then she would be paying for something she doesn't want. Same for her, she is probably not sure what it is that she likes as you were the one who introduced her to Indian food and know what she likes. I don't let my DH order food either, kids and I are very picky and he always screws it up, always. Not maliciously, just doesn't pay attention. It is the same with all the men in my family.

it must be exhausting to be you, so many excuses why a grown man is incapable of doing something mundane like ordering takeout, and excuses for a grown woman who has raised her own kid(s) and is also incapable of the same mundane task. do you make this many excuses for other people in your life?

Why don't you look in the mirror, mirror in the wall, who is the bitchiest of them all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess what, honey? Your mommy paid for your dinner. You don't have a leg to stand on.

You want to play power games? You pay for dinner, like an adult.

This is the critical point. Mommy was paying for the dinner, she asked OP to order. She might have reason she didn't want dh to do it, personal or cultural.

At first I thought OP was buying, in that case this would be a bit rude to insist as she did. But in this case, no. It sounds like pent up resentment by OP over past issues.

I disagree. Op was fine with the food they had at home. It's not like she asked her mom to buy her food. The mom was being weirdly controlling. Some people do that. Op's mom is one of them. There's no need to try to excuse her behavior or try to pretend she had valid reasons. She was trying to bully op into completing a task that she or the op's DH could do (and he offered to do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She didn't want to for whatever reason. She was probably embarrassed or intimidated, or hates yelling an order at someone in a loud busy restaurant. You should have just done it

But (If I read the post correctly) she didn't even want OP's Husband to order it. She only wanted her daughter (OP) to order. That's odd.

Yes that's the weird part. I can totally relate to not wanting to order on the phone. I have an accent and have a hard time understanding other people with accents. It's a disaster on both ends. But why she didn't want OP's husband to do it I don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was worried your DH will not order what she wants. You said she likes what she likes and probably knows your DH may not pay close attention to what she said she wants or he doesn't know and that may have happened before. My mom likes what she likes and heaven help us if somebody gets her order wrong. Men are known for not ordering exactly as told and they don't want to pay attention to what you are saying, like I don't want onions, but DH thinks it is too much trouble to tell no onions, no mushrooms, and I have no problem with it. The not paying was a bit weird, but maybe because she knew your DH would get it wrong and then she would be paying for something she doesn't want. Same for her, she is probably not sure what it is that she likes as you were the one who introduced her to Indian food and know what she likes. I don't let my DH order food either, kids and I are very picky and he always screws it up, always. Not maliciously, just doesn't pay attention. It is the same with all the men in my family.

OP here. You must have missed my earlier post. We have the menu at home and the items we order every single time are highlighted - in fact, it was my mother who highlighted them. Nothing is special ordered, it's right off the number, all you have to do is say what 'number' you want. That's what DH and I do. We don't try to pronounce the names of things. The people who answer the phone appear to be native speakers of American English so there's no language/accent barrier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She didn't want to for whatever reason. She was probably embarrassed or intimidated, or hates yelling an order at someone in a loud busy restaurant. You should have just done it

But (If I read the post correctly) she didn't even want OP's Husband to order it. She only wanted her daughter (OP) to order. That's odd.

Yes that's the weird part. I can totally relate to not wanting to order on the phone. I have an accent and have a hard time understanding other people with accents. It's a disaster on both ends. But why she didn't want OP's husband to do it I don't understand.

OP again. That's the thing that really gets me. Why did it have to be me? I'd just gotten home after a very long, grueling day. DH got off work early and had been home with her and the kids. I hadn't even set down my stuff when she told me it was time to order.

I asked her this morning why she insisted I order. All she said was 'I don't know' and then moved on to something else - she clearly did not want to discuss it further. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

My mother would do the same thing but for reasons like she can't hear well or she's intimidated to talk to somebody with an accent (she herself has trouble understanding english and throw into the mix somebody else who can't speak it well either)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She didn't give a reason why it had to be me. She's given DH her credit card info before (we've been married 15 years) and has never expressed trust issues with DH before. She likes him. We get the same thing every time, we have the menu at home and the items are highlighted - so that no one has to think about what needs to be ordered! Her MO is to feign helplessness and I guess tonight she decided she wanted me to cater to her. Too bad.

And, it's not a hill to die on. It was just dinner and she was right that there was plenty of other food in the house.

OP, I get it! If you acquiesced to that bullshit, then there'd be no limit to the hoops she'd be having you jump through.