When your friends live large and you feel like a loser . . .
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Anonymous
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I fully expect to get lambasted for this -- but feeling like such a loser as a friend of mine bought of gorgeous $4 million apartment in Manhattan -- high floor, luxury building, views, etc. -- as I sit in my one bedroom rental in Va. Normally I don't care about these things as I'm comfortable with my financial decisions and bc I know there is hedge fund/banking money in NYC so those folks do buy property young and then upgrade to gorgeous places in their 30s when their other -- not hedge fund -- friends are just starting to scrape together $600-700k for a one bedroom in a regular doorman building (which is the boat I'll be in if I return to NYC).
These guys though -- I just don't get it. We got to be friends while we were both in biglaw in NYC. She stayed about 5 yrs. She wanted out immediately bc she hated the lifestyle, hours, and found the work "too hard." But it's not like she was saving every penny of her biglaw money -- she and her DH were living large then too, living in a $1.5 million pad that they bought. She then left biglaw and went to be a human resources manager at a consulting firm (think BCG; Bain; McK). I'm sure it pays well but how well can it be compared to her previous job?? She brags all the time that the new job is great bc she works for consultants who are gone 4 days a week so it doesn't matter if/when she strolls into the office and she doesn't have to "use her brain" at this job. Her DH is at a consulting firm but big 4 consulting -- not Bain/BCG; just made manager about a yr ago. So either I'm doing something wrong in my nearly decade long slog thru biglaw to inhouse; or I'm way way too financially conservative and should be buying property, taking out equity and upgrading to better ones and/or using risky mortgage products; or her wealthy family overseas just handed her the type of apartment that you'd expect Bloomberg's kids to live in . . . and I'm left thinking, wow regular people never get ahead. |
Anonymous
| Family money. They did not earn a $4M apt in their 30s. You know this. |
Anonymous
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Yup. Sounds like family money. Enjoy the fruits of your own labor and don't worry about what other's have handed to them. For all you know they're living above their means.
I grew up in an affluent suburb in the south (people had multiple houses, private planes, etc.). After the recession it became clear who was really treading water the whole time. One of my mom's super rich SAHM friends is now cleaning houses in her 60s and renting a small house with her husband who will probably be working until he's 90. |
Anonymous
| If her family lives overseas it could be a family apartment/investment? Chinese or Indian? |
Anonymous
| I know people who've done this in Manhattan -- kids of families with oil money from the Middle East. Usually it is a family investment -- i.e. the family either pays cash or hands a large enough down payment that the mortgage comes out to be pretty small and is often being covered by a monthly check from Saudi and the "kids" are responsible for the monthly maintenance (HOA). Which for a $4 million apartment in Manhattan these days has got to be a least $3-4k/month. |
Anonymous
| What makes you think they make responsible financial decisions? |
Anonymous
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I know a couple in NYC that is almost exactly like this yet they won't ADMIT IT. She comes from a wealthy family in India -- like her Dad is a c-suite exec for a company that has the footprint of something like GE in India. That's all well and good and amongst our NYC friend group we were all over the place -- all attys but some grew up in extreme foreign wealth like her while others grew up in a 1 bedroom rental in Harlem with 3 siblings and everything in between.
Yet this couple goes out of their way to act like they're doing something right by "earning" $2 million brownstones in their early 30s and everyone else must be a moron. We have a common friend couple who got pregnant and was going to stay in the city at least for a while; then they found out it was twins and decided it'd be financially better/logistically easier to be in NJ. The clueless wealthy couple actually said -- why would they go to NJ, I don't understand, there are 3 bedrooms in the new Trump building, why not go there?! Um -- gee I wonder why not . . . . |
Anonymous
Yup, I have friends like this too in NYC. And they are not in law or consulting, they are designers, artists, writers, etc. You have to just get over it or stop being friends with them. Also, you probably need to let NYC go. No matter what, you'll always feel inadequate if those types of people are your baseline comparison. |
Anonymous
THIS. I'm in a profession where I'm surrounded by these types (not in NYC though). And YES there is obviously family money coming in from overseas. But don't think that the family money covers every last cost and they don't need to be responsible. I've heard these same people hit age 35 and be SHOCKED that other "less rich" people have been investing in a 401k since age 22 and may be sitting on 200-400k on that, whereas they haven't started. I've been around long enough that I've heard these same people lamenting college costs when the kids hit age 17 -- bc they always assumed that their overseas family would take care of it yet the overseas family made no such promises; or grandpa who was able to buy them a $4 million home 18 yrs ago has now retired and can't blow cash like that any more; or whatever industries the overseas family is in back home -- oil, real estate, whatever -- hit a slowdown and the grandparents can't cash flow things as easily. |
Anonymous
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My ex DIL's father made his money in Africa working the oilfields. They have 3 homes. One in town, one at the lake, one is a hunting/fishing camp. If you saw the pictures of these places you would swear they sold dope. Over the top wealth.
Some envy them. I'm not one. Both have genital herpes and Mom's an alcoholic. Dad's been married 3 times. The word a hole follows him wherever he goes. That grass may be greener on the other side but it comes with a price. I like my poor life. |
Anonymous
Indian |
Anonymous
I knew it! Parents usually pay for or at least give down payment for a couple's first home. |
Anonymous
I have to ask... How in the heck do you know the STD status of your ex daughter in law's parents? Your family must overshare. |
Anonymous
I think this is an unhealthy way to look at this. There are so many people in the world, somebody must be living a life that is just plain better than yours or mine. Just better in every way. More money, better relationships, better jobs. It doesn't help to assume (or hope) there is some dark secret laying behind what we see of other people. My strategy is to just completely enjoy and be happy with what I have. I must be doing better than 99% of the world anyway, why don't I just love that? I love my cheaply built house in PG county, I love my imperfect spouse, I love my kids, I love my mediocre government job. They may not be "the best" but they are the best for me. And I am so, so lucky not to struggle with real problems like financial catastrophe or health problems or a crumbling marriage. Just enjoy what you have. |
Anonymous
| YOLO |