When your friends live large and you feel like a loser . . .

[Anonymous]

So would any of you return to life in NYC on a budget? Assuming no kids -- you'd be making 200k-300k, which means you'd be living in a studio or one bedroom (no private school issues yet), saving what you could, but having fun?

If would wouldn't do it now bc of kids/school/need space -- would you ever have done it in your childfree days? As in -- you started a career in NYC; moved out to DC or wherever for a few yrs and saved some money; and then went back/considered going back to NYC?

Obviously I'm not asking about the people who could do this while commanding a $1+ salary bc they're in a whole different boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So would any of you return to life in NYC on a budget? Assuming no kids -- you'd be making 200k-300k, which means you'd be living in a studio or one bedroom (no private school issues yet), saving what you could, but having fun?

If would wouldn't do it now bc of kids/school/need space -- would you ever have done it in your childfree days? As in -- you started a career in NYC; moved out to DC or wherever for a few yrs and saved some money; and then went back/considered going back to NYC?

Obviously I'm not asking about the people who could do this while commanding a $1+ salary bc they're in a whole different boat.

*$1m+ salary.* Asking specifically about people who would NOT command that type of salary and would be in the 200k or 300k range max.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So would any of you return to life in NYC on a budget? Assuming no kids -- you'd be making 200k-300k, which means you'd be living in a studio or one bedroom (no private school issues yet), saving what you could, but having fun?

If would wouldn't do it now bc of kids/school/need space -- would you ever have done it in your childfree days? As in -- you started a career in NYC; moved out to DC or wherever for a few yrs and saved some money; and then went back/considered going back to NYC?

Obviously I'm not asking about the people who could do this while commanding a $1+ salary bc they're in a whole different boat.

No, I already did this. We made a little more. It wasn't enough income to do all we wanted to do (vacations, dining out, entertainment) while also saving and fully funding retirement. I don't want to live in a tiny 4K a month rental apartment or pay $500 to garage my car, which I was doing.

I would move back to NY if we could buy a $2mm apartment in cash. With kids I'd need to afford private school and would also want to able able to afford a summer rental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If her family lives overseas it could be a family apartment/investment? Chinese or Indian?

Indian

I knew it! Parents usually pay for or at least give down payment for a couple's first home.

What? I'm married to an Indian-American man and his parents never gave us a penny! They are not poor either.

Maybe if you were an Indian-American too they would have given money? Maybe they are not sure that you are with their son for the long haul? Maybe they think that you will not care for them in their old age, and so they are behaving like Americans and saving the money for themselves. My parents paid for my education and wedding. They have helped raised my kids and gave money for my first car, and also money for my kids education fund. They live a very frugal lifestyle, but if they ever need me - old age or illness - I will help them move in with us and take care of them. Ditto for my ILs.

For me personally, my parents will live with my brother and my in laws with us after they can't physically live on their own in their home. If there's no male offspring in the picture, it is a bit tricky, but it works out somehow. Either the couple puts them up in an apartment or they live with one of the daughters that has the biggest home and nicest husband.

I'm Indian American married to an Indian American. My in laws paid for the wedding, down payment for house, pay for our kids private school, and throw in one family vacation per year. We are blessed and it is totally understood without question that when they are old, we will assist in every possible way to care for them in their old age.

Hmmm. Both your parents and your inlaws will become old one day, right so which set will you have live with you? I assume that if you are the husband you will have to take in your parents in order to be the dutiful son? So will you just pay for your inlaws nursing home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Sounds like family money. Enjoy the fruits of your own labor and don't worry about what other's have handed to them. For all you know they're living above their means.

I grew up in an affluent suburb in the south (people had multiple houses, private planes, etc.). After the recession it became clear who was really treading water the whole time. One of my mom's super rich SAHM friends is now cleaning houses in her 60s and renting a small house with her husband who will probably be working until he's 90.

Whoa!!! Man I'm always fascinated by stories like this , not out of voyeurism but to understand how goes from top to bottom so fast.

I know two women at church who were members of the fanciest local clubs, with houses, cars, vacations to match. Then the recession hit and their husband's businesses went bust. Turns out the businesses were paying for everything. They're now being supported by their kids.
Also, really lavish real estate being purchased by new immigrants always suggests to me that dubious money from outside the country is being parked in the US. This is certainly an issue in NYC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- I was wallowing needlessly. And yes -- I DID change the non-relevant details though I'm fairly sure they aren't reading here.

I realize I have it pretty good too -- it's just when you see people who have always shirked work in a $4 million home that you'll never have no matter how hard you work, you wonder why you work so hard . . . . But I realize my financial decisions are my own and I'm in a 1 bedroom in NoVA after 10 yrs in biglaw + inhouse bc I'm probably too financially conservative and just haven't cared about real estate like others have. I've never felt "settled" career-wise -- went thru the early part of biglaw thinking, save as much as you can in case you get pushed out as a 3rd yr (my firm was big on culling the size of the class before promoting people to midlevels); then when I made it to being a senior it was -- save all you can, you likely won't make this much forever; then when it was moving here for in-house it was -- don't know if I'll like it here/like the job, so let's not commit too much financially. So maybe I need to change my own ways a bit . . . .

Well if you've been making a lot of money all these years (10 ish?) and living with very low expenses, you must have a lot saved right? So that's a plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- I was wallowing needlessly. And yes -- I DID change the non-relevant details though I'm fairly sure they aren't reading here.

I realize I have it pretty good too -- it's just when you see people who have always shirked work in a $4 million home that you'll never have no matter how hard you work, you wonder why you work so hard . . . . But I realize my financial decisions are my own and I'm in a 1 bedroom in NoVA after 10 yrs in biglaw + inhouse bc I'm probably too financially conservative and just haven't cared about real estate like others have. I've never felt "settled" career-wise -- went thru the early part of biglaw thinking, save as much as you can in case you get pushed out as a 3rd yr (my firm was big on culling the size of the class before promoting people to midlevels); then when I made it to being a senior it was -- save all you can, you likely won't make this much forever; then when it was moving here for in-house it was -- don't know if I'll like it here/like the job, so let's not commit too much financially. So maybe I need to change my own ways a bit . . . .

I am the person who talked about being happy with what you have and not assuming that other people have some deep dark secret... it's just stuff, OP. In the end, it's utterly and completely meaningless. You mental state, your contentment or lack thereof, is way more important than the stuff you have. There will always be people who have more beautiful homes without having worked a day in their lives. So what? Why does it even matter? Do you think, sitting in some luxurious home is going to make you a happier person, or a better person? More likely than not, if you owned a $4 million home you'd probably feel the exact same way that you feel right now. I live in a house, I used to live in a 1 bedroom apartment. I really love my home and I really loved my tiny old apartment. But I can vouch that neither of them had much of an impact on my mental state. I'm the exact same person I was then. I have bad days and good days for virtually the same reasons.

I am a big proponent of trying to be happy with what you have. Mostly because most people don't have a choice. Their circumstances are set and unlikely to budge much in either direction. BUT let's not kid ourselves here. You are taking it too far in the opposite direction. Yes, living in a beautiful home and taking exciting vacations to adventurous locales and enjoying little luxuries (like a cleaning service or eating out a lot if that's your thing - however you define luxury) can make a person happier and less stressed. I can vouch for that. I've been poor and I've been rich and it's much, much better to be rich. It just is. For one thing, the security of not having to worry about money is itself a huge relief. Saying it isn't won't change reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- I was wallowing needlessly. And yes -- I DID change the non-relevant details though I'm fairly sure they aren't reading here.

I realize I have it pretty good too -- it's just when you see people who have always shirked work in a $4 million home that you'll never have no matter how hard you work, you wonder why you work so hard . . . . But I realize my financial decisions are my own and I'm in a 1 bedroom in NoVA after 10 yrs in biglaw + inhouse bc I'm probably too financially conservative and just haven't cared about real estate like others have. I've never felt "settled" career-wise -- went thru the early part of biglaw thinking, save as much as you can in case you get pushed out as a 3rd yr (my firm was big on culling the size of the class before promoting people to midlevels); then when I made it to being a senior it was -- save all you can, you likely won't make this much forever; then when it was moving here for in-house it was -- don't know if I'll like it here/like the job, so let's not commit too much financially. So maybe I need to change my own ways a bit . . . .

I am the person who talked about being happy with what you have and not assuming that other people have some deep dark secret... it's just stuff, OP. In the end, it's utterly and completely meaningless. You mental state, your contentment or lack thereof, is way more important than the stuff you have. There will always be people who have more beautiful homes without having worked a day in their lives. So what? Why does it even matter? Do you think, sitting in some luxurious home is going to make you a happier person, or a better person? More likely than not, if you owned a $4 million home you'd probably feel the exact same way that you feel right now. I live in a house, I used to live in a 1 bedroom apartment. I really love my home and I really loved my tiny old apartment. But I can vouch that neither of them had much of an impact on my mental state. I'm the exact same person I was then. I have bad days and good days for virtually the same reasons.

I am a big proponent of trying to be happy with what you have. Mostly because most people don't have a choice. Their circumstances are set and unlikely to budge much in either direction. BUT let's not kid ourselves here. You are taking it too far in the opposite direction. Yes, living in a beautiful home and taking exciting vacations to adventurous locales and enjoying little luxuries (like a cleaning service or eating out a lot if that's your thing - however you define luxury) can make a person happier and less stressed. I can vouch for that. I've been poor and I've been rich and it's much, much better to be rich. It just is. For one thing, the security of not having to worry about money is itself a huge relief. Saying it isn't won't change reality.

If you want a cleaning lady, a luxury trip, or a fancy house, then maybe those things will make you happy. Probably not.

Most people don't actually want those things, but they feel jealousy over them anyway just because they can't have them and other people do. That is my point. And being "poor" does not necessarily mean being stressed. Even when I was poor I was not unhappy or stressed because I always lived below my means and with minimal debt. Figuring out what you want and working towards it, or being happy with what you have, is key.