When your friends live large and you feel like a loser . . .

[Anonymous]

It seems like there must be some middle ground?

you've ben in big law for 10 years and you're in a one bedroom rental apartment?

It just seems like extremes - clearly family money to get into a $4M place. And you're the other end - massive loans and no help at all? I'm just curious.

I find the ultra wealthy to be intimidating, too. I definitely prefer hanging out with my east of the park, kids in public school neighbors and friends. The level of wealth to buy a 4M place in NY is totally unimaginable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If her family lives overseas it could be a family apartment/investment? Chinese or Indian?

Indian

I knew it! Parents usually pay for or at least give down payment for a couple's first home.

Upper middle class/wealthy parents in the US may do this, but rare when the couples parents are back in India simply bc 1 rupee buys 1/67th of a dollar or about 1 cent. So if her parents are giving her a down payment from India for a $4 million home, they are ridiculously wealthy -- which is likely the case for an HR manager and consultant buying a $4 million Manhattan penthouse.

[Anonymous]

They clearly got a significant help from their families (or some other source). Their salaries barely cover their taxes and condo fees .

[Anonymous]

I just heard a radio show about a family in Mexico that was deported from the US after raising their kids here. They struggle to support themselves in Mexico and are considering sneaking back in to the US even though they know they will probably be caught because they have no other choice for their kids. You are not falling behind just because your friend has a $4M apartment.

[Anonymous]

I have plenty of friends living large in NY but their situation is different in that they don't own their apartment. Or a few do, but most do not. Instead of saving for a downpayment, most of my friends spend a huge amount of money on travel, uber, dining out and drinking. I get that it's Manhattan and you want to take advantage of it but it gets harder not to judge the older we get. We also enjoyed living in the city but when you get into your 30s and are spending a 500k salary (two earners) in taxes, rent and entertainment it just gets silly. Once in a while I'm envious of their first class flights to some fancy destination and their charity events, but then I remember they may be unable to retire and will be lifelong renters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have plenty of friends living large in NY but their situation is different in that they don't own their apartment. Or a few do, but most do not. Instead of saving for a downpayment, most of my friends spend a huge amount of money on travel, uber, dining out and drinking. I get that it's Manhattan and you want to take advantage of it but it gets harder not to judge the older we get. We also enjoyed living in the city but when you get into your 30s and are spending a 500k salary (two earners) in taxes, rent and entertainment it just gets silly. Once in a while I'm envious of their first class flights to some fancy destination and their charity events, but then I remember they may be unable to retire and will be lifelong renters.

+1. I started my career in NYC but moved out ~7 yrs later. I have friends and colleagues there who rent in the type of apartments that would sell for $2-3 million -- luxury everything, new-ish construction, views etc. They don't want to buy bc they don't have the type of down payment that you'd need for a $2+ million place to say nothing of making $2000-3000 in monthly fees to cover common + taxes. Every few yrs they'll get it in their head that they should buy so they'll go look at normal apartments - 1 bedrooms in doorman buildings that were built in the 60s-70s. And even for the nicer/renovated places, their reaction is "ew - not living there" bc once you're used to luxury everything, it's hard to adjust. So then the cycle continues -- keep renting the fancy places, ubering everywhere, vacationing 2x/yr. It's a great life and I do consider it myself once in a while -- BUT then I fear what happens in retirement when your savings are very fixed yet your rent and NYC COL goes up every year. And as much as everyone says -- you move away in retirement, knowing these types of people, they will do everything possible NOT to leave Manhattan or Brooklyn ever after they've spent 40 yrs of their lives there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Sounds like family money. Enjoy the fruits of your own labor and don't worry about what other's have handed to them. For all you know they're living above their means.

I grew up in an affluent suburb in the south (people had multiple houses, private planes, etc.). After the recession it became clear who was really treading water the whole time. One of my mom's super rich SAHM friends is now cleaning houses in her 60s and renting a small house with her husband who will probably be working until he's 90.

Whoa!!! Man I'm always fascinated by stories like this , not out of voyeurism but to understand how goes from top to bottom so fast.

[Anonymous]

You guys sound really insecure. I used to live in Manhattan and had friends who lived in all different buildings. Yes, many foreigners have family who buy them multi million dollar homes in cash. I rented a nice apt and had roommates. We all hung out and had a good time. No big deal.

We now live in VA and have a seven figure income in our mid 30's. We can afford a $4m home too. I am still friends with those same friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys sound really insecure. I used to live in Manhattan and had friends who lived in all different buildings. Yes, many foreigners have family who buy them multi million dollar homes in cash. I rented a nice apt and had roommates. We all hung out and had a good time. No big deal.

We now live in VA and have a seven figure income in our mid 30's. We can afford a $4m home too. I am still friends with those same friends.

Why would you be insecure if you can afford said 4 million home? Op concerns don't really apply to you, do they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex DIL's father made his money in Africa working the oilfields. They have 3 homes. One in town, one at the lake, one is a hunting/fishing camp. If you saw the pictures of these places you would swear they sold dope. Over the top wealth.

Some envy them. I'm not one.

Both have genital herpes and Mom's an alcoholic. Dad's been married 3 times. The word a hole follows him wherever he goes.

That grass may be greener on the other side but it comes with a price. I like my poor life.

There's always a poster who says something like this, as if it's either/or. Um, nope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys sound really insecure. I used to live in Manhattan and had friends who lived in all different buildings. Yes, many foreigners have family who buy them multi million dollar homes in cash. I rented a nice apt and had roommates. We all hung out and had a good time. No big deal.

We now live in VA and have a seven figure income in our mid 30's. We can afford a $4m home too. I am still friends with those same friends.

Ok. That's wonderful for you. This doesn't matter to you and is stupid bc you CAN afford a $4m home. It matters to OP bc she CAN'T afford it and feels she messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys sound really insecure. I used to live in Manhattan and had friends who lived in all different buildings. Yes, many foreigners have family who buy them multi million dollar homes in cash. I rented a nice apt and had roommates. We all hung out and had a good time. No big deal.

We now live in VA and have a seven figure income in our mid 30's. We can afford a $4m home too. I am still friends with those same friends.

Lol. Do you really not get it? If you have a 7 figure income -- I'm guessing it's either thrown off by a trust or by a business you own or by your/your DHs biglaw partnership or IB managing directorship or being a top flight surgeon. I'm thinking it's not from you being an HR babe and your DH being a manager for 1 yr at E&Y.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you changed some of the details, because if not, you likely won't have your friend to worry about anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have plenty of friends living large in NY but their situation is different in that they don't own their apartment. Or a few do, but most do not. Instead of saving for a downpayment, most of my friends spend a huge amount of money on travel, uber, dining out and drinking. I get that it's Manhattan and you want to take advantage of it but it gets harder not to judge the older we get. We also enjoyed living in the city but when you get into your 30s and are spending a 500k salary (two earners) in taxes, rent and entertainment it just gets silly. Once in a while I'm envious of their first class flights to some fancy destination and their charity events, but then I remember they may be unable to retire and will be lifelong renters.

+1. I started my career in NYC but moved out ~7 yrs later. I have friends and colleagues there who rent in the type of apartments that would sell for $2-3 million -- luxury everything, new-ish construction, views etc. They don't want to buy bc they don't have the type of down payment that you'd need for a $2+ million place to say nothing of making $2000-3000 in monthly fees to cover common + taxes. Every few yrs they'll get it in their head that they should buy so they'll go look at normal apartments - 1 bedrooms in doorman buildings that were built in the 60s-70s. And even for the nicer/renovated places, their reaction is "ew - not living there" bc once you're used to luxury everything, it's hard to adjust. So then the cycle continues -- keep renting the fancy places, ubering everywhere, vacationing 2x/yr. It's a great life and I do consider it myself once in a while -- BUT then I fear what happens in retirement when your savings are very fixed yet your rent and NYC COL goes up every year. And as much as everyone says -- you move away in retirement, knowing these types of people, they will do everything possible NOT to leave Manhattan or Brooklyn ever after they've spent 40 yrs of their lives there.

This describes many of my friends as well. They would probably make fun of our house here in DC even though they couldn't afford to buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have plenty of friends living large in NY but their situation is different in that they don't own their apartment. Or a few do, but most do not. Instead of saving for a downpayment, most of my friends spend a huge amount of money on travel, uber, dining out and drinking. I get that it's Manhattan and you want to take advantage of it but it gets harder not to judge the older we get. We also enjoyed living in the city but when you get into your 30s and are spending a 500k salary (two earners) in taxes, rent and entertainment it just gets silly. Once in a while I'm envious of their first class flights to some fancy destination and their charity events, but then I remember they may be unable to retire and will be lifelong renters.

+1. I started my career in NYC but moved out ~7 yrs later. I have friends and colleagues there who rent in the type of apartments that would sell for $2-3 million -- luxury everything, new-ish construction, views etc. They don't want to buy bc they don't have the type of down payment that you'd need for a $2+ million place to say nothing of making $2000-3000 in monthly fees to cover common + taxes. Every few yrs they'll get it in their head that they should buy so they'll go look at normal apartments - 1 bedrooms in doorman buildings that were built in the 60s-70s. And even for the nicer/renovated places, their reaction is "ew - not living there" bc once you're used to luxury everything, it's hard to adjust. So then the cycle continues -- keep renting the fancy places, ubering everywhere, vacationing 2x/yr. It's a great life and I do consider it myself once in a while -- BUT then I fear what happens in retirement when your savings are very fixed yet your rent and NYC COL goes up every year. And as much as everyone says -- you move away in retirement, knowing these types of people, they will do everything possible NOT to leave Manhattan or Brooklyn ever after they've spent 40 yrs of their lives there.

This describes many of my friends as well. They would probably make fun of our house here in DC even though they couldn't afford to buy it.

Ha same here except we live in the dreaded burbs!