When your friends live large and you feel like a loser . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex DIL's father made his money in Africa working the oilfields. They have 3 homes. One in town, one at the lake, one is a hunting/fishing camp. If you saw the pictures of these places you would swear they sold dope. Over the top wealth.

Some envy them. I'm not one.

Both have genital herpes and Mom's an alcoholic. Dad's been married 3 times. The word a hole follows him wherever he goes.

That grass may be greener on the other side but it comes with a price. I like my poor life.

I think this is an unhealthy way to look at this. There are so many people in the world, somebody must be living a life that is just plain better than yours or mine. Just better in every way. More money, better relationships, better jobs. It doesn't help to assume (or hope) there is some dark secret laying behind what we see of other people.

My strategy is to just completely enjoy and be happy with what I have. I must be doing better than 99% of the world anyway, why don't I just love that? I love my cheaply built house in PG county, I love my imperfect spouse, I love my kids, I love my mediocre government job. They may not be "the best" but they are the best for me. And I am so, so lucky not to struggle with real problems like financial catastrophe or health problems or a crumbling marriage. Just enjoy what you have.

I really like your approach. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Of course, they could be leveraged to the hilt. People who like to live large do not hesitate to use all credit they can get their hands on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex DIL's father made his money in Africa working the oilfields. They have 3 homes. One in town, one at the lake, one is a hunting/fishing camp. If you saw the pictures of these places you would swear they sold dope. Over the top wealth.

Some envy them. I'm not one.

Both have genital herpes and Mom's an alcoholic. Dad's been married 3 times. The word a hole follows him wherever he goes.

That grass may be greener on the other side but it comes with a price. I like my poor life.

I think this is an unhealthy way to look at this. There are so many people in the world, somebody must be living a life that is just plain better than yours or mine. Just better in every way. More money, better relationships, better jobs. It doesn't help to assume (or hope) there is some dark secret laying behind what we see of other people.

My strategy is to just completely enjoy and be happy with what I have. I must be doing better than 99% of the world anyway, why don't I just love that? I love my cheaply built house in PG county, I love my imperfect spouse, I love my kids, I love my mediocre government job. They may not be "the best" but they are the best for me. And I am so, so lucky not to struggle with real problems like financial catastrophe or health problems or a crumbling marriage. Just enjoy what you have.

I really like your approach. Well said.

So true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, they could be leveraged to the hilt. People who like to live large do not hesitate to use all credit they can get their hands on.

True.

[Anonymous]

How is he in his 30s and just made Manager at a Big 4? He must be as dumb as a stump. Family $$ for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you changed some of the details, because if not, you likely won't have your friend to worry about anymore.

They live in NYC so they don't read DCUM.

[Anonymous]

So, of course everyone is right that you need to stop measuring yourself against your friend's yardstick. It's not gonna lead anywhere good.

BUT -- if you've gone nearly a decade in biglaw and in-house, and you're living in a 1-BR in NoVa, you can afford to live a little larger. I mean, that sounds extremely conservative. There is nothing wrong with being thrifty and not wasting your money on frivolous things, but it sounds like a housing upgrade will give you a better QOL, and it's almost certainly within your budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you changed some of the details, because if not, you likely won't have your friend to worry about anymore.

NP. So what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex DIL's father made his money in Africa working the oilfields. They have 3 homes. One in town, one at the lake, one is a hunting/fishing camp. If you saw the pictures of these places you would swear they sold dope. Over the top wealth.

Some envy them. I'm not one.

Both have genital herpes and Mom's an alcoholic. Dad's been married 3 times. The word a hole follows him wherever he goes.

That grass may be greener on the other side but it comes with a price. I like my poor life.

I think this is an unhealthy way to look at this. There are so many people in the world, somebody must be living a life that is just plain better than yours or mine. Just better in every way. More money, better relationships, better jobs. It doesn't help to assume (or hope) there is some dark secret laying behind what we see of other people.

My strategy is to just completely enjoy and be happy with what I have. I must be doing better than 99% of the world anyway, why don't I just love that? I love my cheaply built house in PG county, I love my imperfect spouse, I love my kids, I love my mediocre government job. They may not be "the best" but they are the best for me. And I am so, so lucky not to struggle with real problems like financial catastrophe or health problems or a crumbling marriage. Just enjoy what you have.

Thank you. I can understand people having insecurity/jealousy at times, but a response like the PP's, complete with Std status and everything, is just pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex DIL's father made his money in Africa working the oilfields. They have 3 homes. One in town, one at the lake, one is a hunting/fishing camp. If you saw the pictures of these places you would swear they sold dope. Over the top wealth.

Some envy them. I'm not one.

Both have genital herpes and Mom's an alcoholic. Dad's been married 3 times. The word a hole follows him wherever he goes.

That grass may be greener on the other side but it comes with a price. I like my poor life.

Genital herpes is not a debilitating disease.lol You might have it and not know it.

I wasn't around wealthy families at all until HS (went to A socioeconomically diverse school) and then later while living abroad. Most of em were really nice people. Some people are just really fortunate in this area of life. I never wished for their lives because my mother raised me to appreciate what I had. However, being poorer didn't make me more noble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys sound really insecure. I used to live in Manhattan and had friends who lived in all different buildings. Yes, many foreigners have family who buy them multi million dollar homes in cash. I rented a nice apt and had roommates. We all hung out and had a good time. No big deal.

We now live in VA and have a seven figure income in our mid 30's. We can afford a $4m home too. I am still friends with those same friends.

Troll. Name your profession.

[Anonymous]

OP -- that's tough. I have a hard time with jealousy sometimes. DH and I came from very modest backgrounds. Since moving to DC, I've gotten to know people who are much better off financially. They get money from their parents to help with expenses, got large inheritances from grandparents...etc. I try thinking of what I really want and need and truthfully, I have it. A nice home I can afford, a family, good job, little debt... And that's okay. It's a lot more than I had growing up. The only jealousy I can't seem to shake is for friends taking amazing trips and flying first class! Still haven't been able to get over that one. But still trying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If her family lives overseas it could be a family apartment/investment? Chinese or Indian?

Indian

I knew it! Parents usually pay for or at least give down payment for a couple's first home.

What? I'm married to an Indian-American man and his parents never gave us a penny! They are not poor either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If her family lives overseas it could be a family apartment/investment? Chinese or Indian?

Indian

I knew it! Parents usually pay for or at least give down payment for a couple's first home.

What? I'm married to an Indian-American man and his parents never gave us a penny! They are not poor either.

Do they not approve of you?

[Anonymous]

OP here -- I was wallowing needlessly. And yes -- I DID change the non-relevant details though I'm fairly sure they aren't reading here.

I realize I have it pretty good too -- it's just when you see people who have always shirked work in a $4 million home that you'll never have no matter how hard you work, you wonder why you work so hard . . . . But I realize my financial decisions are my own and I'm in a 1 bedroom in NoVA after 10 yrs in biglaw + inhouse bc I'm probably too financially conservative and just haven't cared about real estate like others have. I've never felt "settled" career-wise -- went thru the early part of biglaw thinking, save as much as you can in case you get pushed out as a 3rd yr (my firm was big on culling the size of the class before promoting people to midlevels); then when I made it to being a senior it was -- save all you can, you likely won't make this much forever; then when it was moving here for in-house it was -- don't know if I'll like it here/like the job, so let's not commit too much financially. So maybe I need to change my own ways a bit . . . .