My husband isn't doing his to-do list

[Anonymous]

DH and I made a list at the beginning of the summer for things each of us would do for the house. His is more minor repairs while mine is more major reorganization. We agreed to be finished by Labor Day. I am 2/3 finished. DH hasn't started.

Today my sister and her husband were over and BIL saw the list on the counter. My list is on one side and DH's is on the other. Mine has check marks all over and DH's is unmarked. BIL said he'd be happy to come over and tackle the list if we need help. I really want to take him up on this. They can bring their kids and my sis and I can hang out and BIL can knock some things off the list. DH is going out of town for work for a few days next week - can I do this? BIL and DH get along fine.

I'd just really like our oven to work, to get the dust bunnies out of the light fixtures, to get the new shelving hung, stuff like that. Will this emasculate DH or something if I take BIL up on his offer?

[Anonymous]

Are you married to my DH too? My experience: he will feel emasculated about some things, and if it is a small routine item (not a once every 10 year task), let's say taking out the garbage, it forever becomes my responsibility. I thought I was being helpful, being a team player. Shame on me. We've gone down the written to do list with mutual agreement too many times. Let's just say, one side has many leftover items from previous lists.

[Anonymous]

Ask your husband when he's going to do it. Tell him the weekend he comes back you want to work on the oven. Then the next we are working on the light fixtures etc. it sounds like he needs more deadlines then just one. Know what I mean?

I have to do this with my husband as well. I put the dishwasher on the calendar. I talk about it. I go buy the parts. I put them in sight on the counter. I talk again. Talk one more time on Saturday and then on Sunday I start laundry and ask him if he's ready to fix the dishwasher. Treat him like he's five. Annoying but it works.

I wouldn't put all of this on your bil.

Is your husband capable? Serious question. If not, then yes ask Bil or next time hire someone and let your husband see the Bills.

[Anonymous]

Just tell your husband your BIL is coming over the weekend he is out of town to help out with the to-do list. See what your husband says. Maybe that will be the kick in the pants he needs to do it. If not, your BIL will do it. I wouldn't treat your DH like he is five like a PP said. He's an adult and should act like one. Either do the list or find someone else to do it (e.g., handyman, BIL).

[Anonymous]

I gave DH a huge to-do list yesterday, because he has deferred basically everything this summer (and I've taken over all of the routine stuff), and now he's going to be gone for 2 weeks and this stuff needs done. He got about 2 things done yesterday (and believe me, some of these things are easy), and now has decided to sleep in today and then go into work. I'm tired of being married to a manchild who can't find time to do very basic yard maintenance but has plenty of time for multiple rounds of golf per week.

[Anonymous]

What a beta.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a fun couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your husband your BIL is coming over the weekend he is out of town to help out with the to-do list. See what your husband says. Maybe that will be the kick in the pants he needs to do it. If not, your BIL will do it. I wouldn't treat your DH like he is five like a PP said. He's an adult and should act like one. Either do the list or find someone else to do it (e.g., handyman, BIL).

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm going to guess that making the to do lists was not your husband's idea but yours. My ex husband loved to make lists for me, charts for me to fill in, expense sheets to fill out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to guess that making the to do lists was not your husband's idea but yours. My ex husband loved to make lists for me, charts for me to fill in, expense sheets to fill out.

I understand why is an ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your husband your BIL is coming over the weekend he is out of town to help out with the to-do list. See what your husband says. Maybe that will be the kick in the pants he needs to do it. If not, your BIL will do it. I wouldn't treat your DH like he is five like a PP said. He's an adult and should act like one. Either do the list or find someone else to do it (e.g., handyman, BIL).

Tell him BIL is going to do some tasks. See what he says.

We have a new rule in my house that if tasks are left undone for six months, I hire a handyman to do it. Sick of waiting forever and sitting in a house with a bunch of annoying, broken things.

[Anonymous]

Just hire someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I made a list at the beginning of the summer for things each of us would do for the house. His is more minor repairs while mine is more major reorganization. We agreed to be finished by Labor Day. I am 2/3 finished. DH hasn't started.

Today my sister and her husband were over and BIL saw the list on the counter. My list is on one side and DH's is on the other. Mine has check marks all over and DH's is unmarked. BIL said he'd be happy to come over and tackle the list if we need help. I really want to take him up on this. They can bring their kids and my sis and I can hang out and BIL can knock some things off the list. DH is going out of town for work for a few days next week - can I do this? BIL and DH get along fine.

I'd just really like our oven to work, to get the dust bunnies out of the light fixtures, to get the new shelving hung, stuff like that. Will this emasculate DH or something if I take BIL up on his offer?

If you wanted him to do it now then you shouldn't have given him till Labor Day. When you said Labor Day, in reality, you meant do it all right now, he meant I'll do it all on Labor Day. You set yourself up for failure. He has till Labor Day, give him till Labor Day.

If I say honey can you fix the whatever today and he says yes, he means he'll fix it by the end of the day and if I want it done right, I have to say right now. In the future do create summer list. Set daily or weekly list.

[Anonymous]

*don't create

[Anonymous]

Yes, same situation here.
DH has untreated ADHD, and is forever procrastinating and late, especially for tasks he's not enthused about.
My goal is to get him treated for his ADHD.