Is it harder to be a SAHM in the suburbs?

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM with a 2 year old in the suburbs (outside the Beltway). I think it would be much easier to be a SAHM if we didn't live so far out, but we aren't moving so I have to make do with my situation.

The main issues with being a SAHM in the suburbs are lack of proximity to fun kid activities, no friends who live nearby, and nothing within walking distance. This is mainly a problem during the week. On weekends, we have many more things to do.

Our weekday mornings are always filled with fun things, like Mommy and Me classes, playground, playgroup, etc. Then home for lunch and nap.

Then after nap, I'd love to go out again, but traffic is horrible by that time (around 4 pm) and to fight traffic to go to a playground/park that is 15 minutes away or somewhere else at that time of day sucks. So we usually stay home and play after nap until dinner time, but my 2 year old gets really bored with his toys at home. There is nothing within walking distance to walk to (just neighborhoods with cul de sacs, no retail or anything else nearby). Our neighborhood doesn't have any young kids. We have a large yard, but in the summer it's super buggy so we usually don't hang out in the yard. So we play inside in the afternoons, and my son has a big playroom with lots of toys, but he gets bored easily at home.

I'd love to do playdates, but we have no friends anywhere near here for afternoon playdates (closest friend is a 20 minute drive, and the parents work full-time, so we rarely see them). Most of my mom friends work full-time. I haven't been able to make any other SAHM friends.

We're in several Mommy and Me classes this summer, we do lots of meetups and all sorts of social activities, and I haven't yet met anyone who lives anywhere near me or who seems interested in a friendship. My son starts preschool this fall, and I'm hoping to find a community that way (though the preschool is a 20 minute drive away, so again, friends will live far away and less likely to want to meet up for playdates).

Can anyone relate? We're not moving unfortunately so that's not an option.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are doing all of the right things to meet people.

I would go to the pool. It's usually easy to meet moms there.

Or at least set up a baby pool on your driveway.

I'd also go to the library. Good reason to get out of the house and attend the kid activities there.

Look for the kid activities and parks in the opposite direction of the traffic.

Go on Pinterest for some fun ideas for the afternoons.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Our area doesn't have a neighborhood/community pool (probably because many houses have their own pools), our closest pool is a county rec center (indoor only) so not really a great place to meet neighbors/friends. We do take a swim class there but haven't really met anyone through the class.

Going in the opposite direction of traffic is a good idea, but still kind of a pain when everything is a 15-20 minute drive.

Making friends is really hard. Other SAHMs seem to go to these activities, but not really be interested in chatting or becoming friends. I invite people to do things all the time, and my invites are either ignored completely, or we do get together and it's never reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

There are tons of private pool clubs everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Drive the 15 min once a week or whatever. It's worth it to make friends and have playmates for your kid. You'll do it everyday for pickup when you start preschool anyway.
Do you have a moms listserve in your general area?
Also second the baby pool idea and or a water table. Okay with bubbles, let your kid run around if he's bored sitting and playing with toys inside. Buggy is annoying but you can make your yard less buggy, wear bugspray, bring out box fans to blow them away.

[Anonymous]

You live in a suburb with no kids in your neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are tons of private pool clubs everywhere.

OP here. Yes, we did consider joining one but I guess I don't really "get" the concept of going to the pool so much in the summer with a toddler (with older kids it might be different). I have a 2 year old who needs constant supervision so I really can't chat with other moms at a pool. Plus it's so incredibly hot that we would only go really late, like after 6 pm, when most people are probably home for the day. Just didn't seem worth it for the socializing aspect. We do a weekly swimming class at an indoor pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You live in a suburb with no kids in your neighborhood?

OP here. It's mainly empty nesters and high school/college aged kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are tons of private pool clubs everywhere.

OP here. Yes, we did consider joining one but I guess I don't really "get" the concept of going to the pool so much in the summer with a toddler (with older kids it might be different). I have a 2 year old who needs constant supervision so I really can't chat with other moms at a pool. Plus it's so incredibly hot that we would only go really late, like after 6 pm, when most people are probably home for the day. Just didn't seem worth it for the socializing aspect. We do a weekly swimming class at an indoor pool.

All pools usually have a kiddie pool. 2 year olds usually wear puddle jumpers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our area doesn't have a neighborhood/community pool (probably because many houses have their own pools), our closest pool is a county rec center (indoor only) so not really a great place to meet neighbors/friends. We do take a swim class there but haven't really met anyone through the class.

Going in the opposite direction of traffic is a good idea, but still kind of a pain when everything is a 15-20 minute drive.

Making friends is really hard. Other SAHMs seem to go to these activities, but not really be interested in chatting or becoming friends. I invite people to do things all the time, and my invites are either ignored completely, or we do get together and it's never reciprocated.

It sounds like you have a really good set-up, OP.
My advice is to set up a regular thing, and to invite at least two people who either already know each other or who you think will like each other. Then you have to make it clear that they are allowed to bring other people. Now, instead of a potentially difficult conversation between two people, it's a group, and there is no pressure on any one person. So, instead of saying, "hey, it was really fun meeting you, we should get the kids together for a playdate sometime." You say, "Hey, it was really fun meeting you. I am going to have some friends over on Friday for playgroup from 12p-2p, you should join us!" You will get a lot more interested people. Everyone wants to join an awesome playgroup.

[Anonymous]

It's just as hard to be a saint in the city, I am led to believe.

[Anonymous]

"Mom" friends are hard to make when your kid is 2. It just is, whether you live in a city or a suburb. There is this feeling that everyone else has made mom friends and you haven't. Normal feeling. You will make more when your kid is in preschool.

There is some truth that when your kids are small you feel stuck and lonely. This will continue to be the case unless you change it. Drive the distance to see your old friends! 20 minutes seems like nothing to me!

You have to make serious effort and you've explained why various things don't work (pool because it's hot, traffic etc). Sort of just seems like excuses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are tons of private pool clubs everywhere.

OP here. Yes, we did consider joining one but I guess I don't really "get" the concept of going to the pool so much in the summer with a toddler (with older kids it might be different). I have a 2 year old who needs constant supervision so I really can't chat with other moms at a pool. Plus it's so incredibly hot that we would only go really late, like after 6 pm, when most people are probably home for the day. Just didn't seem worth it for the socializing aspect. We do a weekly swimming class at an indoor pool.

You sit around the kiddie pool and talk, while you watch your kids.

What suburb are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are tons of private pool clubs everywhere.

OP here. Yes, we did consider joining one but I guess I don't really "get" the concept of going to the pool so much in the summer with a toddler (with older kids it might be different). I have a 2 year old who needs constant supervision so I really can't chat with other moms at a pool. Plus it's so incredibly hot that we would only go really late, like after 6 pm, when most people are probably home for the day. Just didn't seem worth it for the socializing aspect. We do a weekly swimming class at an indoor pool.

All these pool clubs have kiddie pools so at age 2, the kid splashes around and you sit on the side thinking deep thoughts, chatting with moms, reading your book, whatever. The water is literally a foot deep. A 2 year old is the perfect age and it's pretty much impossible for them to cause any harm to themselves. And that's when and why you go to the pool...because it's incredibly hot. It won't feel so hot at the pool. You can go straight after nap.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but have you posted before? The tone of this post sounds like a repeat SAHM poster who often says she lives in a far out neighborhood where everyone is unfriendly and the DH won't let the poster move. The posts all have a very downbeat and depressed tone and there tend to be a lot of reasons why nothing can ever change. If it's you, I think you'd like the pool. Just take action to try to make things better. What's the worst that happens? You hate it and don't do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are tons of private pool clubs everywhere.

OP here. Yes, we did consider joining one but I guess I don't really "get" the concept of going to the pool so much in the summer with a toddler (with older kids it might be different). I have a 2 year old who needs constant supervision so I really can't chat with other moms at a pool. Plus it's so incredibly hot that we would only go really late, like after 6 pm, when most people are probably home for the day. Just didn't seem worth it for the socializing aspect. We do a weekly swimming class at an indoor pool.

Huh? I go to the pool all the time with my toddler. Sit on the edge, put a floaty thing on him, and relax.