Is it harder to be a SAHM in the suburbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the big deal in driving 15 minutes. Even if you live in the city, you typically have to walk 10-15 minutes to get to the park or whatever.

Joining a pool is a great idea. Also if you are out every morning there is nothing wrong with hanging at home after nap. I have a 2 year old too and it's hard to meet moms. I think it will be easier as they get older though

depends on where you live. OP I feel you. We will probably move to the burbs when our DD starts K or 1st grade. We haven't moved yet becuase I don't want to have to drive everywhere (I also want free preschool in dc). when I was on maternity leave I really believe being able to get out and walk to so much and just see life happenng around all me (not all of it great, this is the City), kept me sane. I really think I would have sunk into serious postpartum depression otherwise. Maternity leave was hard on me but some days just walking a block and seeing so many people out etc just helped a lot. I also hated, hated hated drving my infant anywhere as she would always cry in the car and scare me as a first time mom.
Do you have a neighborhood listserve where you can take the lead on inviting other new parents to meet up? You might be surprised how many other SAHP are feeling the same way. Even something as casual as a pizza play date at your house.

[Anonymous]

I think the OP just picked a really sucky suburb. We had a kid when we lived in DC (DuPont) and it was miserable, moved to Arlington and it was ideal! I stay at home and there are tons of other moms here to be friends with, excellent playgrounds, bike paths, family friendly restaurants, pools, etc.

There are probably urban neighborhoods that feel the same. This isn't a suburb vs. city debate, you just picked an in-family-friendly area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP just picked a really sucky suburb. We had a kid when we lived in DC (DuPont) and it was miserable, moved to Arlington and it was ideal! I stay at home and there are tons of other moms here to be friends with, excellent playgrounds, bike paths, family friendly restaurants, pools, etc.

There are probably urban neighborhoods that feel the same. This isn't a suburb vs. city debate, you just picked an in-family-friendly area.

Arlington is hardly a suburb, but I get your point. How did you meet the other moms in Arlington?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP just picked a really sucky suburb. We had a kid when we lived in DC (DuPont) and it was miserable, moved to Arlington and it was ideal! I stay at home and there are tons of other moms here to be friends with, excellent playgrounds, bike paths, family friendly restaurants, pools, etc.

There are probably urban neighborhoods that feel the same. This isn't a suburb vs. city debate, you just picked an in-family-friendly area.

Sorry, "un-family-friendly" area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP just picked a really sucky suburb. We had a kid when we lived in DC (DuPont) and it was miserable, moved to Arlington and it was ideal! I stay at home and there are tons of other moms here to be friends with, excellent playgrounds, bike paths, family friendly restaurants, pools, etc.

There are probably urban neighborhoods that feel the same. This isn't a suburb vs. city debate, you just picked an in-family-friendly area.

OP here. You're right, we did pick the wrong suburb. We moved here many years pre-child when we were DINKs who didn't think to think about whether or not the area was family friendly or not. Anyhow, we are stuck here, and moving is not an option. But I definitely agree, Arlington or Falls Church or somewhere similar would be much better if you're a SAHM. When I go out for a walk, I rarely see anyone, most people are at work and there is no one out on the streets, since everyone is pretty much empty nesters. There is nowhere to meet moms who live in the same neighborhood/community, though I imagine once my child starts Kindergarten I'll meet more people locally that way (though that is still many years away).

My neighborhood does not have a listserv (should have been another clue before we bought the house about how family un-friendly our area is, neighbors don't know each other or help each other). There are also no neighborhood events. I don't know any of our neighbors and none of them have kids (all empty nesters who seem to be content mowing 1 acre yards and taking care of 5 bedroom houses).

[Anonymous]

What is your problem again? You're in a lot of expensive activities already? What more do you want OP?

[Anonymous]

Which suburb do you live in OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP just picked a really sucky suburb. We had a kid when we lived in DC (DuPont) and it was miserable, moved to Arlington and it was ideal! I stay at home and there are tons of other moms here to be friends with, excellent playgrounds, bike paths, family friendly restaurants, pools, etc.

There are probably urban neighborhoods that feel the same. This isn't a suburb vs. city debate, you just picked an in-family-friendly area.

OP here. You're right, we did pick the wrong suburb. We moved here many years pre-child when we were DINKs who didn't think to think about whether or not the area was family friendly or not. Anyhow, we are stuck here, and moving is not an option. But I definitely agree, Arlington or Falls Church or somewhere similar would be much better if you're a SAHM. When I go out for a walk, I rarely see anyone, most people are at work and there is no one out on the streets, since everyone is pretty much empty nesters. There is nowhere to meet moms who live in the same neighborhood/community, though I imagine once my child starts Kindergarten I'll meet more people locally that way (though that is still many years away).

My neighborhood does not have a listserv (should have been another clue before we bought the house about how family un-friendly our area is, neighbors don't know each other or help each other). There are also no neighborhood events. I don't know any of our neighbors and none of them have kids (all empty nesters who seem to be content mowing 1 acre yards and taking care of 5 bedroom houses).

Where are you OP? There are pockets of non-walkable neighborhoods and it sounds like you're in one of them.

We're in Burke and there are tons of families, walkable, events, etc.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I moved to Reston--tons of kids, tons of activities, etc. OP, I think it sounds a bit like you are a poor little rich girl. You obviously live in an expensive place. If you could afford it and you aren't underwater, why not sell it and move someplace more family friendly. Also, have you thought of joining the Junior League or maybe getting some childcare and getting out/taking a class somewhere--ballet or pottery or art class? You need a hobby!

[Anonymous]

If you really wanted to go out, then you would. Instead of working on your list of reasons why your life is so impossibly hard (the parks are too little for your 2yo? Seriously?) spend some therapy time working on your depression or whatever this is. And I'm not ripping on you here. I sincerely think that the fact that everything in your life causes you displeasure and you don't feel capable of addressing any of it is a surmountable goal. It's not your circumstances, it's your attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really wanted to go out, then you would. Instead of working on your list of reasons why your life is so impossibly hard (the parks are too little for your 2yo? Seriously?) spend some therapy time working on your depression or whatever this is. And I'm not ripping on you here. I sincerely think that the fact that everything in your life causes you displeasure and you don't feel capable of addressing any of it is a surmountable goal. It's not your circumstances, it's your attitude.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP just picked a really sucky suburb. We had a kid when we lived in DC (DuPont) and it was miserable, moved to Arlington and it was ideal! I stay at home and there are tons of other moms here to be friends with, excellent playgrounds, bike paths, family friendly restaurants, pools, etc.

There are probably urban neighborhoods that feel the same. This isn't a suburb vs. city debate, you just picked an in-family-friendly area.

OP here. You're right, we did pick the wrong suburb. We moved here many years pre-child when we were DINKs who didn't think to think about whether or not the area was family friendly or not. Anyhow, we are stuck here, and moving is not an option. But I definitely agree, Arlington or Falls Church or somewhere similar would be much better if you're a SAHM. When I go out for a walk, I rarely see anyone, most people are at work and there is no one out on the streets, since everyone is pretty much empty nesters. There is nowhere to meet moms who live in the same neighborhood/community, though I imagine once my child starts Kindergarten I'll meet more people locally that way (though that is still many years away).

My neighborhood does not have a listserv (should have been another clue before we bought the house about how family un-friendly our area is, neighbors don't know each other or help each other). There are also no neighborhood events. I don't know any of our neighbors and none of them have kids (all empty nesters who seem to be content mowing 1 acre yards and taking care of 5 bedroom houses).

Where are you OP? There are pockets of non-walkable neighborhoods and it sounds like you're in one of them.

We're in Burke and there are tons of families, walkable, events, etc.

OP here. We're near Great Falls. Completely non-walkable unfortunately, with big 1-2 acre lots, no sense of community.

Yes, we chose poorly but we can't move (husband refuses to move). But I do think it's more difficult to be a SAHM when you happen to live in the distant suburbs, in a non-walkable area, with no kids in the neighborhood/un-family friendly neighborhood. We get out every day in the morning-lunchtime, but it's the afternoons-dinnertime that are tough (spouse usually isn't home), and the fact that it feels very isolating to be a SAHM when there aren't other moms around/activities/everything is a drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, have you thought of joining the Junior League or maybe getting some childcare and getting out/taking a class somewhere--ballet or pottery or art class? You need a hobby!

OP here. You're right, I do need a hobby. I have a part-time job which I do mainly on the weekends, and during any free time during the day (it's work from home). Besides that, and the health issue I mentioned which takes up a lot of my time and energy, I don't have any hobbies. Taking care of the house/cooking/cleaning/errands seems to take up most of my free time. I should get a hobby though or take a class.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a SAHM with a chronic health issue. I don't live in the suburbs but I understand the isolation. Hobbies are good. Do you have a yard your child can play in? Sprinkler, baby pool? We do things that involve water in the afternoons during the summer. I seldom have the energy to go out again later in the day so we might do shaving cream and water play, "washing" toys, bubbles, slip n slide. Indoor activities like play dough, puzzles, music and dancing, dress up, paint with water, etc.

Maybe instead of trying to go out again in the afternoon you can just think of some activities you can do at home to pass the time. Hope things get better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP just picked a really sucky suburb. We had a kid when we lived in DC (DuPont) and it was miserable, moved to Arlington and it was ideal! I stay at home and there are tons of other moms here to be friends with, excellent playgrounds, bike paths, family friendly restaurants, pools, etc.

There are probably urban neighborhoods that feel the same. This isn't a suburb vs. city debate, you just picked an in-family-friendly area.

OP here. You're right, we did pick the wrong suburb. We moved here many years pre-child when we were DINKs who didn't think to think about whether or not the area was family friendly or not. Anyhow, we are stuck here, and moving is not an option. But I definitely agree, Arlington or Falls Church or somewhere similar would be much better if you're a SAHM. When I go out for a walk, I rarely see anyone, most people are at work and there is no one out on the streets, since everyone is pretty much empty nesters. There is nowhere to meet moms who live in the same neighborhood/community, though I imagine once my child starts Kindergarten I'll meet more people locally that way (though that is still many years away).

My neighborhood does not have a listserv (should have been another clue before we bought the house about how family un-friendly our area is, neighbors don't know each other or help each other). There are also no neighborhood events. I don't know any of our neighbors and none of them have kids (all empty nesters who seem to be content mowing 1 acre yards and taking care of 5 bedroom houses).

Where are you OP? There are pockets of non-walkable neighborhoods and it sounds like you're in one of them.

We're in Burke and there are tons of families, walkable, events, etc.

OP here. We're near Great Falls. Completely non-walkable unfortunately, with big 1-2 acre lots, no sense of community.

Yes, we chose poorly but we can't move (husband refuses to move). But I do think it's more difficult to be a SAHM when you happen to live in the distant suburbs, in a non-walkable area, with no kids in the neighborhood/un-family friendly neighborhood. We get out every day in the morning-lunchtime, but it's the afternoons-dinnertime that are tough (spouse usually isn't home), and the fact that it feels very isolating to be a SAHM when there aren't other moms around/activities/everything is a drive.

I live in great falls as well and I don't understand your post AT ALL.