Is it harder to be a SAHM in the suburbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our area doesn't have a neighborhood/community pool (probably because many houses have their own pools), our closest pool is a county rec center (indoor only) so not really a great place to meet neighbors/friends. We do take a swim class there but haven't really met anyone through the class.

Going in the opposite direction of traffic is a good idea, but still kind of a pain when everything is a 15-20 minute drive.

Making friends is really hard. Other SAHMs seem to go to these activities, but not really be interested in chatting or becoming friends. I invite people to do things all the time, and my invites are either ignored completely, or we do get together and it's never reciprocated.

It sounds like you have a really good set-up, OP.
My advice is to set up a regular thing, and to invite at least two people who either already know each other or who you think will like each other. Then you have to make it clear that they are allowed to bring other people. Now, instead of a potentially difficult conversation between two people, it's a group, and there is no pressure on any one person. So, instead of saying, "hey, it was really fun meeting you, we should get the kids together for a playdate sometime." You say, "Hey, it was really fun meeting you. I am going to have some friends over on Friday for playgroup from 12p-2p, you should join us!" You will get a lot more interested people. Everyone wants to join an awesome playgroup.

OP here. I like your idea but a quick question: what is wrong with just setting up a playdate with one other family? It's a lot easier in many ways.

I did try your idea about 2 months ago, with a BBQ at our house on a Sat. night. I invited 4 families and mentioned that I was inviting several families for a BBQ, from 5-7 pm (all of us have 1.5-3 year olds). Two ignored my invite completely, one took a week to respond "no" and one did attend, whom I haven't heard from since. So it wasn't a very successful event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our area doesn't have a neighborhood/community pool (probably because many houses have their own pools), our closest pool is a county rec center (indoor only) so not really a great place to meet neighbors/friends. We do take a swim class there but haven't really met anyone through the class.

Going in the opposite direction of traffic is a good idea, but still kind of a pain when everything is a 15-20 minute drive.

Making friends is really hard. Other SAHMs seem to go to these activities, but not really be interested in chatting or becoming friends. I invite people to do things all the time, and my invites are either ignored completely, or we do get together and it's never reciprocated.

It sounds like you have a really good set-up, OP.
My advice is to set up a regular thing, and to invite at least two people who either already know each other or who you think will like each other. Then you have to make it clear that they are allowed to bring other people. Now, instead of a potentially difficult conversation between two people, it's a group, and there is no pressure on any one person. So, instead of saying, "hey, it was really fun meeting you, we should get the kids together for a playdate sometime." You say, "Hey, it was really fun meeting you. I am going to have some friends over on Friday for playgroup from 12p-2p, you should join us!" You will get a lot more interested people. Everyone wants to join an awesome playgroup.

OP here. I like your idea but a quick question: what is wrong with just setting up a playdate with one other family? It's a lot easier in many ways.

I did try your idea about 2 months ago, with a BBQ at our house on a Sat. night. I invited 4 families and mentioned that I was inviting several families for a BBQ, from 5-7 pm (all of us have 1.5-3 year olds). Two ignored my invite completely, one took a week to respond "no" and one did attend, whom I haven't heard from since. So it wasn't a very successful event.

OP, I think you are genuinely looking for help. I will be honest. Your post and all your follow ups sound very Eeyore-ish. It's hard to imagine this isn't coming across in person in some way, particularly when you say that people are ignoring your invites or not reciprocating.

For the next couple weeks, go out in the world and smile at everyone. Laugh at people's jokes. Stay upbeat. Do not say anything negative about your husband, your house, your kid, your schedule, the weather, anything. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well, if my posts sound Eyorish (and I have no idea what this means specifically), it's because I am going through a tough time this year with a health-related issue. I am in therapy (not helping), but that's the best I can do right now to get support for going through this. I am trying to reach out and make friends, but it's really not working very well right now. I am bored and lonely every single day. I do enjoy all the Mommy and Me classes we do, and we get out of the house every single day, but my days are long (spouse works long hours and doesn't get home until after dinnertime). And we're in the midst of toddler tantrums of the Terrible Twos, which makes the days feel even longer.

I do work part-time (very part-time on the weekends). I just wish I had some friends to spend time with during the weekdays (I have several good friends who I see on weekends, they work full-time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, if my posts sound Eyorish (and I have no idea what this means specifically), it's because I am going through a tough time this year with a health-related issue. I am in therapy (not helping), but that's the best I can do right now to get support for going through this. I am trying to reach out and make friends, but it's really not working very well right now. I am bored and lonely every single day. I do enjoy all the Mommy and Me classes we do, and we get out of the house every single day, but my days are long (spouse works long hours and doesn't get home until after dinnertime). And we're in the midst of toddler tantrums of the Terrible Twos, which makes the days feel even longer.

I do work part-time (very part-time on the weekends). I just wish I had some friends to spend time with during the weekdays (I have several good friends who I see on weekends, they work full-time).

why don't you go back to work full-time since you sound so unhappy?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, if my posts sound Eyorish (and I have no idea what this means specifically), it's because I am going through a tough time this year with a health-related issue. I am in therapy (not helping), but that's the best I can do right now to get support for going through this. I am trying to reach out and make friends, but it's really not working very well right now. I am bored and lonely every single day. I do enjoy all the Mommy and Me classes we do, and we get out of the house every single day, but my days are long (spouse works long hours and doesn't get home until after dinnertime). And we're in the midst of toddler tantrums of the Terrible Twos, which makes the days feel even longer.

I do work part-time (very part-time on the weekends). I just wish I had some friends to spend time with during the weekdays (I have several good friends who I see on weekends, they work full-time).

why don't you go back to work full-time since you sound so unhappy?!

Going back to work would make thing 100 times worse.

[Anonymous]

Meetup has a ton of mom's groups and play dates. Join a few even if they are a bit of a drive.

My favorite friends live in Ashburn, Chantilly and Centreville while I live in Alexandria. I have a few moms I do play dates with in Alexandria but I don't necessarily consider them my friends. Just happens that the one friend I really like lives in Loudon County. We get together about once a month. We make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our area doesn't have a neighborhood/community pool (probably because many houses have their own pools), our closest pool is a county rec center (indoor only) so not really a great place to meet neighbors/friends. We do take a swim class there but haven't really met anyone through the class.

Going in the opposite direction of traffic is a good idea, but still kind of a pain when everything is a 15-20 minute drive.

Making friends is really hard. Other SAHMs seem to go to these activities, but not really be interested in chatting or becoming friends. I invite people to do things all the time, and my invites are either ignored completely, or we do get together and it's never reciprocated.

It sounds like you have a really good set-up, OP.
My advice is to set up a regular thing, and to invite at least two people who either already know each other or who you think will like each other. Then you have to make it clear that they are allowed to bring other people. Now, instead of a potentially difficult conversation between two people, it's a group, and there is no pressure on any one person. So, instead of saying, "hey, it was really fun meeting you, we should get the kids together for a playdate sometime." You say, "Hey, it was really fun meeting you. I am going to have some friends over on Friday for playgroup from 12p-2p, you should join us!" You will get a lot more interested people. Everyone wants to join an awesome playgroup.

OP here. I like your idea but a quick question: what is wrong with just setting up a playdate with one other family? It's a lot easier in many ways.

I did try your idea about 2 months ago, with a BBQ at our house on a Sat. night. I invited 4 families and mentioned that I was inviting several families for a BBQ, from 5-7 pm (all of us have 1.5-3 year olds). Two ignored my invite completely, one took a week to respond "no" and one did attend, whom I haven't heard from since. So it wasn't a very successful event.

Nothing is wrong with setting up a play date, but it isn't going to help you make a group of friends. So unless that person becomes your best friend, it isn't going to help you get out of your house regularly. And you missed the point. Instead of having a BBQ one Saturday, you BBQ on "Saturdays" and you keep inviting the same four families and let them know that if they have friends or relatives, they are welcome to join (as long as they bring an extra side). Now, personally, I would do this on "Thursdays" in the afternoon. Because that's when you are bored, and it is just a lot easier to host if you don't have to serve a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, if my posts sound Eyorish (and I have no idea what this means specifically), it's because I am going through a tough time this year with a health-related issue. I am in therapy (not helping), but that's the best I can do right now to get support for going through this. I am trying to reach out and make friends, but it's really not working very well right now. I am bored and lonely every single day. I do enjoy all the Mommy and Me classes we do, and we get out of the house every single day, but my days are long (spouse works long hours and doesn't get home until after dinnertime). And we're in the midst of toddler tantrums of the Terrible Twos, which makes the days feel even longer.

I do work part-time (very part-time on the weekends). I just wish I had some friends to spend time with during the weekdays (I have several good friends who I see on weekends, they work full-time).

Google eeyore. Downbeat, depressed, seeing the negative in everything, a total drag.

[Anonymous]

Shit, if the suburbs are designed for the SAHM life what are they good for?

[Anonymous]

OP go back and read your responses on this and your other threads.

Every idea people give you is shot down. There are all sorts of reasons why you can change nothing, do nothing.

You sound unbelievably disempowered. There is no magical answer. You have to decide you're going to make positive changes.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you I really do. We moved to the DC area when our kids were 1 and 2, from overseas and the only people I met at mother and baby classes or music together type places were nannies who were speaking Spanish. Same in the parks. It took an entire year for me to make a friend - and she has two kids similar ages / gender to mine so we were set, and it was amazing until we both moved to different states for a while.

Basically having a 2 year old is tough. It will get easier. Keep doing the things you're doing, try not to imagine the hard things are going to last forever because it will get you down. Take each day one at a time. and best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you. SAHM of 2 here. This was a normal feeling for me when my first was two. He's 4 now and him and his sister make things a lot more fun. It's lonely to be around one two year old all day!! Time will help sweetie. Find things that empower you and keep up with them. And switch therapists if it's not working!

And make after nap to dinner time tv time. Crucify me DCUM! Idgaf!!!

[Anonymous]

OP where are the mommy and me classes that you go to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then after nap, I'd love to go out again, but traffic is horrible by that time (around 4 pm) and to fight traffic to go to a playground/park that is 15 minutes away or somewhere else at that time of day sucks.

NP here. This is why I hate the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live that a park and a preschool are 20 min away? That doesn't sound like the suburbs.