Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SAHM during the early childhood years (until elementary school, maybe middle school at the latest), and there is SAHM forever.

When I see the former, I think - lucky kids.

When I see the latter, I think - lazy mom.

What if her husband makes a lot of money, and is totally fine with his wife not going back to work? There are still mom things to do for high schoolers - schlepping to activities that don't take place at school, cooking and cleaning, helping with college applications, etc, and doing things like doctor's appointments, vehicle registration, and costco trips during the weekday makes weekends and evenings free for family time. It's clearly not necessary to stay at home to get these things done, but it can cut down on stress. And if neither spouse wants the wife to go back to work, it seems weird for the SAHM to do so if it only increases their HHI by 50K or something.

This is basically my current situation. I'm am bored so I'm planning on going back to work in the fall, but if the increase in household stress outweighs the benefits working, I'll just spend another few years as a SAHM and stave off the boredom by doing substitute teaching or volunteering. That might happen because my job hours aren't flexible. I am definitely not type A, but I wouldn't call myself lazy either.

My oldest just started high school and he needs much more than my elementary child right now. School ends earlier and his activities are more demanding. I have not yet decided how involved we will be in his extracurricular activities.

I know the kids who end up at colleges like Harvard and Stanford have extraordinary extracurricular activities. They are not done by just the kids alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SAHM during the early childhood years (until elementary school, maybe middle school at the latest), and there is SAHM forever.

When I see the former, I think - lucky kids.

When I see the latter, I think - lazy mom.

What if her husband makes a lot of money, and is totally fine with his wife not going back to work? There are still mom things to do for high schoolers - schlepping to activities that don't take place at school, cooking and cleaning, helping with college applications, etc, and doing things like doctor's appointments, vehicle registration, and costco trips during the weekday makes weekends and evenings free for family time. It's clearly not necessary to stay at home to get these things done, but it can cut down on stress. And if neither spouse wants the wife to go back to work, it seems weird for the SAHM to do so if it only increases their HHI by 50K or something.

This is basically my current situation. I'm am bored so I'm planning on going back to work in the fall, but if the increase in household stress outweighs the benefits working, I'll just spend another few years as a SAHM and stave off the boredom by doing substitute teaching or volunteering. That might happen because my job hours aren't flexible. I am definitely not type A, but I wouldn't call myself lazy either.

It’s misogyny driving comments like that. Most people would love to retire early but it if you’re staying home as a wife and mother, that’s a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is SAHM during the early childhood years (until elementary school, maybe middle school at the latest), and there is SAHM forever.

When I see the former, I think - lucky kids.

When I see the latter, I think - lazy mom.

So basically, moms can’t win. Because for many fields, staying at home for several years means torpedoing your career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Third wave feminism has ruined the American family.

Yes of course everything is women's fault. Thanks for playing. Why not give up since it is all our faults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is SAHM during the early childhood years (until elementary school, maybe middle school at the latest), and there is SAHM forever.

When I see the former, I think - lucky kids.

When I see the latter, I think - lazy mom.

So basically, moms can’t win. Because for many fields, staying at home for several years means torpedoing your career.

+1 why not sahd? Why does it always fall on the moms? Why don't men torpedo their careers for the sake of the family?

[Anonymous]

I wish there was an auto-delete function anytime someone started one of these threads. It serves no one, causes a rift between people who made different choices and is never started for the sake of "curiosity".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we feel the need to judge others, specially if we know nothing about them, its an attempt to feel good about ourselves and validate our choices. Pretty pathetic!

I agree but I also recognize that people who make choices I wouldn't dream of often have completely different personalities so we'd function differently in each other's roles.

I ended up reading the book and watching the episodes available and I don't see any sahm judgment except the character judging herself for not having a lot of work and then later maybe regretting how much she pushed off her kids. It's not a parable of "Do this/ Don't do that/ this is right/That is wrong" but a window to common issues and feelings some women have in that situation. It's like this thread demonstrates "you just can't win sometimes and that's just life"

[Anonymous]

They lack drive and tenacity to hold a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They lack drive and tenacity to hold a career.

This is probably a troll, but I'll bite. My husband makes 15 times what I made when I worked out of the house- and I was a 6 figure earner. Because of how we wish to arrange and prioritize our family life, I am currently at home. If I had been the high earned, he would have stayed at home. There's nothing more or less to behind this choice. Sometimes the decision is just math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They lack drive and tenacity to hold a career.

Some people also lack the drive and the tenacity to focus all of their attention on raising children and so they hire help from others to do a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just see it as a little kid, i wanted and needed my mother's time and attention. Children's psychological development depends on it. Its not the same as getting raised by hired help in a daycare with a dozen other kids.

However, I understand that this level of sacrifice isn't good for mother's professional and social life.

That's why having a kid is a serious decision. Having a uterus doesn't mean one can provide what kid needs.

As a kid with a SAHM, I had too much of my mom's attention, it was often stifling. It was almost a relief when she went back part-time once I reached HS and I had an hour to myself when I got home in the afternoons. Conversely, my dad worked long hours at an in-flexible job and then was always busy doing yard work and other chores on the weekend, so I rarely got to spend any quality time with him.

Just saying, an imbalance doesn't work well either. A kid needs attention from both parents.

You sound really ungrateful. I bet you had a very nice childhood.

Maybe PP does not sound ungrateful but the PP does seem to miss the point. Your mom being a SAHM and taking on the bulk of your childcare is what made it possible for your dad to work "long hours at an in-flexible job". Your mom and he were a team and worked it out so all bases were covered as best they could. As their child, you were the one that benefited from such arrangements.

[Anonymous]

If someone is content with their life I’d say they are very lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They lack drive and tenacity to hold a career.

This is probably a troll, but I'll bite. My husband makes 15 times what I made when I worked out of the house- and I was a 6 figure earner. Because of how we wish to arrange and prioritize our family life, I am currently at home. If I had been the high earned, he would have stayed at home. There's nothing more or less to behind this choice. Sometimes the decision is just math.

Maybe if you had more drive your H would make less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They lack drive and tenacity to hold a career.

Some people also lack the drive and the tenacity to focus all of their attention on raising children and so they hire help from others to do a lot of work.

Definitely! But putting all your attention to kids raises narcissists. So even if you are a SAHM don’t do that,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They lack drive and tenacity to hold a career.

Ok but so what? Most people are not career driven. Most people work to make money so that they can enjoy life, and if it were possible for them to have a comfortable life without working, they would quit.

I live on a wealthy street and most of the women do not work, or work very part time. The only woman I can think of on my block who is employed full time (besides me) is a single mom because her husband passed away. I work full time despite not needing to for financial reasons, and I regularly question my own sanity. I was also always the overachiever type and I recognize that I’m an outlier.