DH being asked to spend five months in Asia for work. Asking too much?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to determine if I am being emotional and dramatic or if in fact this is really asking a lot from his company? He is in an engineering technical role and makes about $150K per year. I feel like this ask should include a substantial bonus or something but so far nothing has been offered other than a return home for one paid week every 4-6 weeks.

What do you think? I want to be a supportive spouse but this is going to be extremely difficult on our family. I work full time as well and also travel about 1-2 days every other week. We have a 2 and 5 year old.

Thanks in advance for objective perspectives.

[Anonymous]

so what are the ramifications if he tells them no?

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have? Do you work? Do you have family/help?

[Anonymous]

Where in Asia?

[Anonymous]

There has to be some additional compensation for housing, plus a per diem for food and transport. How much is that?

You're only looking at the negatives, OP. Look at the positives. Could you go visit him and give your children an international experience?

[Anonymous]

OP here, He can continue on a current project. I suppose this could be viewed as a good opportunity to expand responsibility and get more exposure as a significant new project will follow that he will likely have a lead role in and maybe a promotion down the line I guess. But nothing is guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? Do you work? Do you have family/help?

As stated above, 2 and 5 year old, yes I work and travel and my parents are nearby and do help some.

[Anonymous]

I'm about 7 months in to DH being out of state for 9 months. I'm a sahm, so slightly different scenario, but my kids are a similar age, 3 and 5. Not gonna lie, it's harder than I anticipated. Do you a resource for childcare for when you travel, or can you request no travel for the time that he's gone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about 7 months in to DH being out of state for 9 months. I'm a sahm, so slightly different scenario, but my kids are a similar age, 3 and 5. Not gonna lie, it's harder than I anticipated. Do you a resource for childcare for when you travel, or can you request no travel for the time that he's gone?

I am in a national sales role so stopping travel entirely for me isn't really possible but I could limit it more. I have a lot of control directly over this in terms of scheduling.

I'm not sure that sort of travel with very young children seems desirable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has to be some additional compensation for housing, plus a per diem for food and transport. How much is that?

You're only looking at the negatives, OP. Look at the positives. Could you go visit him and give your children an international experience?

They will of course cover all of his housing, travel, and meals. We could possibly visit but I am not really that interested in this as my kids are very young to appreciate an international experience and both DH and I have been to Asia various times. Not trying to be negative, but this feels like a big ask without much upside.

Does a special bonus sound realistic to ask for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There has to be some additional compensation for housing, plus a per diem for food and transport. How much is that?

You're only looking at the negatives, OP. Look at the positives. Could you go visit him and give your children an international experience?

They will of course cover all of his housing, travel, and meals. We could possibly visit but I am not really that interested in this as my kids are very young to appreciate an international experience and both DH and I have been to Asia various times. Not trying to be negative, but this feels like a big ask without much upside.

Does a special bonus sound realistic to ask for?

I mean, he can ASK for a bonus, but I guarantee there's someone willing to do it without the bonus, which means your DH ends up looking petty and passing up what I'm confident is an opportunity for advancement. The "bonus" comes from him proving he's willing to take one for the team, and being rewarded down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to determine if I am being emotional and dramatic or if in fact this is really asking a lot from his company? He is in an engineering technical role and makes about $150K per year. I feel like this ask should include a substantial bonus or something but so far nothing has been offered other than a return home for one paid week every 4-6 weeks.

What do you think? I want to be a supportive spouse but this is going to be extremely difficult on our family. I work full time as well and also travel about 1-2 days every other week. We have a 2 and 5 year old.

Thanks in advance for objective perspectives.

Paid travel home every month or so is pretty generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There has to be some additional compensation for housing, plus a per diem for food and transport. How much is that?

You're only looking at the negatives, OP. Look at the positives. Could you go visit him and give your children an international experience?

They will of course cover all of his housing, travel, and meals. We could possibly visit but I am not really that interested in this as my kids are very young to appreciate an international experience and both DH and I have been to Asia various times. Not trying to be negative, but this feels like a big ask without much upside.

Does a special bonus sound realistic to ask for?

OP, whether or not that is a big ask depends on what the understanding was when he took the job. If there was always a possibility of travel, then it's not a big ask. If it is an international company with international projects, and he knew that when he took the job, then it is not a big ask.

You haven't mentioned how your husband feels about it. Again, a lot depends on the nature of his job and company. There's nothing saying that he can't ask for a raise or a bonus or some additional compensation, but he needs to decide what he'll do if they say no. If he asks and they say no and he still goes, in my view, that's worse than not asking and going. But only your husband can say how likely it is that they'll say no/yes.

If the assignment means possible advancement/promotion down the road, then that in and off itself is the "special bonus."

The other thing you aren't clear on is whether he is being offered this opportunity or told he has to. It's likely that if this project leads to a step up the ladder, then the company might assume that the offer is not viewed by your husband as a big ask but rather a big opportunity.

Are you and your husband on the same page? You haven't mentioned any of that.