DH being asked to spend five months in Asia for work. Asking too much?

[Anonymous]

It depends on many things, too many for here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

You do know a man will cheat if he want to regardless of location, right? I've
never understood the mindset of women like you. You really believe just being next to him everyday prevents him from cheating?

Um, no. My point is that many, many men who do not intend to cheat end up getting carried away and doing something they hadn't intended or anticipated when put in a situation in which there is opportunity they had never anticipated or imagined.

And if he cannot control that situation, you married a child loser.

What's that say about you and your choices?

[Anonymous]

No, not a bonus, but would ask for a substantial stipend specifically to cover additional child care costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% support my spouse on this, especially with the week long breaks every 6 weeks.

+1000 Having your parents nearby to help is a plus, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

What a helpful post. I'm sure the OP really appreciates your input on this topic.

You must be
1) Really insecure
2) Married to a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I would never do that. Especially for no extra money. I would have DH quit, worse case scenario.
Our lives are here, no job will take DH away from the kids and from me for five months.
Are people that desperate for jobs that they would do this?

DH gave up plenty of opportunity for advancement due to the fact that I won't move, oh well. He can still advance, it's just slower,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be an easy no in our house. But when we had kids, DH and I both agreed to take no/minimal travel positions while the kids were at home, even if it meant sacrificing career advancement. It's worked for us for 14 years. And we have both said no to potential opportunities like the one you are talking about. But that's us. What matters is your family's priorities.

This 100%

[Anonymous]

I would think hard about him coming home once a month for a week. That may be really disruptive to the new routine you establish and upsetting to your kids who will have little sense of time. Could he not take all the monthly trips and come home 2-3 weeks earlier.

You mentioned that you travel as well. Do you have a game plan for when you travel. This seems like the most difficult thing to manage to me.

[Anonymous]

If this advances his career and they are never going to expect him to travel like this again, then ok. But if he gets nothing in return and they are going to expect future travel - I don't think so, not unless you get a job with no travel. You just can't have two parents traveling frequently.

[Anonymous]

I'd want way more money.

[Anonymous]

Man I'd jump on this.

DH bolsters resume with material international experience.
Kids get to visit multiple countries
You get time away from DH

And if I was DH id ask for:

1) flights for you guys 2-3x during this period in lieu of him going back
2) An additional one time stipend of $10,000 to cover the increased costs you'll have around daycare etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% support my spouse on this, especially with the week long breaks every 6 weeks.

Marry me please . My DW wouldn't consider this even if came with a $500,000 check

[Anonymous]

I think assignments like this one typically come with all overseas expenses (housing, meals, travel) covered.
In some cases (often?), meals and other expenses are covered by a per diem, which can be quite generous. One couple I know earmarks the per diem to cover the cost of added help at home.

So: with added help at home, would you consider it feasible or not?

[Anonymous]

I work for a Japanese company, and only a very select few ever get asked to work in Japan for any amount of time. In our company, it is considered a big honor.

Now, in a Chinese company, you will end up with a big advantage over other employees because of the networking there. Same thing in Taiwan.

If the company is Korean, forget it. Those guys work you to death, especially if you are a non-Korean, and you'll never get ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

Too bad. If it was Japan, I'd say try to make it work. My DH travels extensively in Asia and Korea, China and Taiwan are the pits.

Bullshit. Taiwan is beautiful, and the food is excellent, assuming it's Taipei. China can be the same, depending on where you are--Beijing, Shanghai, Hong Kong.