DH being asked to spend five months in Asia for work. Asking too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has to be some additional compensation for housing, plus a per diem for food and transport. How much is that?

You're only looking at the negatives, OP. Look at the positives. Could you go visit him and give your children an international experience?

"give your children an international experience"??

The kids are 2 and 5 - what are they going to get out of an international experience other than sitting on airplanes watching cartoons? You really think a 2 yo and a 5 yo are going to gain some great insights? I think you have taken too many regional studies courses at your SLAC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? Do you work? Do you have family/help?

Did you read the post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

[Anonymous]

By comparison my DH will be deployed next year for 6 months with no choice although he's a reservist and no travel home and no bonus to speak of and I will have a just barely one year old. I think it'll be hard with two kids but I'd let him do it. Make sure to schedule all the travel home in advance and you take off for some of those weeks too and make it special family time.

[Anonymous]

OP, as others have said the offer to pay for travel home at regular intervals is a very nice "bonus" that many companies don't offer. My stepdad travels regularly for work - sometimes my mom is able to join him, sometimes she can't, but they've never paid for him to travel home for a visit mid-project.

I would be worried about being a solo parent to two young kids for that long too - if I were in your shoes I'd be working on a list of what specifically I'm worried about (pickups and drop offs from daycare? meals? cleaning?) and figure out what sort of help might make things run more smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

You do know a man will cheat if he want to regardless of location, right? I've
never understood the mindset of women like you. You really believe just being next to him everyday prevents him from cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

You do know a man will cheat if he want to regardless of location, right? I've
never understood the mindset of women like you. You really believe just being next to him everyday prevents him from cheating?

Different PP. I kind of think it's somewhere in between. I think some men will always find a way to cheat. Some men won't cheat no matter how easy it would be or how likely they could get away it with it. But there is a third group of men. Those men won't go out of their way to cheat, but if an easy opportunity to do so presents itself (especially if they are not getting needs fulfilled regularly due to either distance, like in this case, or other issues), then they'll go along.

Same with women. In fact, people in general. When it comes to various moral issues, there are some people who have a strong internal sense of not doing wrong, even if they could get away with it. There are some people who will go out of their way to do wrong, no matter what the risks, because they want the pleasure or whatever. And there is that group of people in the middle who usually will do the right thing, but if they have an opportunity to do wrong and know they can get away with it, they'll cave.

Only OP knows where her husband falls. And even then, maybe she doesn't know because he's never had the opportunity before.

But either way, I don't think location matters. The issue isn't where he goes. It's that he'll be away in another country for an extended period of time, so if he is at all tempted, it will be easy for him to cheat and get away with it.

And yes, there are people who normally wouldn't cheat but may do so if presented with such an easy opportunity.

[Anonymous]

It's only 5 months. Great opportunity. Get family help or babysitters. Travel there with kids instead of coming home at least once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

This.

[Anonymous]

This would be an easy no in our house. But when we had kids, DH and I both agreed to take no/minimal travel positions while the kids were at home, even if it meant sacrificing career advancement. It's worked for us for 14 years. And we have both said no to potential opportunities like the one you are talking about. But that's us. What matters is your family's priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

Too bad. If it was Japan, I'd say try to make it work. My DH travels extensively in Asia and Korea, China and Taiwan are the pits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

If this is a real concern, you married a loser. I was an expat alone for years and while beautiful young women did indeed see me as a "prize", my temptation level hovered at zero. "Slip up"? Forget it. It isn't a slip up, it is being a shit head.

[Anonymous]

Can you take an unpaid leave of absence? It is an awesome opportunity. And the 5 year old will be impacted.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% support my spouse on this, especially with the week long breaks every 6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Asia?

It's a split between a few months in Korea, China, and Taiwan.

That's better than Bangkok. He can't get in too much trouble in those places.

Actually, he can. We work overseas and I've seen SO MANY American marriages break up. We're in Eastern Europe, but have colleagues who have done the Asia circuit, and they have tales of an even greater number of broken marriages from China than here. OP, you need to understand that your DH will be a desirable target for beautiful young women who are very, very poor, and in countries in which an American/Western husband is considered an amazing trophy-prize to be won at any costs. Women will throw themselves at him everywhere. I'm sure he's a good guy, but I wouldn't want my DH in one of those places alone. Imagine how easy it is to "slip up" if you are a guy alone for months in a place like that, and young, gorgeous women who would be way out of his league at home thrown themselves at him, over and over, on a daily basis.

Can you go with him?

You do know a man will cheat if he want to regardless of location, right? I've
never understood the mindset of women like you. You really believe just being next to him everyday prevents him from cheating?

Um, no. My point is that many, many men who do not intend to cheat end up getting carried away and doing something they hadn't intended or anticipated when put in a situation in which there is opportunity they had never anticipated or imagined.