Help me not have an affair

[Anonymous]

I'm in my forties with a full but enviable plate -husband and I both have great but challenging jobs, beuautiful young kids, attractive and in shape, pretty good finances, good health.

It wasn't easy getting here, though. We've been together for many years now and he is my best friend and I love him.

But I had PPD with our last kid and went through a tortuous time at work for the past year or two. And recently, I'm so embarrassed to even say this, I cannot stop thinking about sleeping with someone at my job who is almost 25 years older. This person is my mentor and an incredible person. He's married with kids, but I know from long ago that he is in an open marriage. He's charming and larger than life, probably the most important man in my life other than my dad and husband.

So for the past few months, something changed between me and this man. There's suddenly chemistry.

He's checking me out. I'm checking him out. I'm literally dressing for him in the morning.
We are exchanging cute flirty emails. We're both appropriately flustered at times and other times, staring too long at each other's faces. I know those of you reading this might think what I am describing is gross, but it's the hottest thing I've dealt with in many years. I go home and have awesome sex with my husband pretending it's the other man. I literally cannot stop thinking about him. I'm having more fun and am happier than I've been in a long time,
but for the wrong reasons.

But I am a grown up. I may want to have crazy sex with this man, but I don't want to risk losing my husband and kids and this life I've worked so hard to build.

What should I do? Therapy? Please help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my forties with a full but enviable plate -husband and I both have great but challenging jobs, beuautiful young kids, attractive and in shape, pretty good finances, good health.

It wasn't easy getting here, though. We've been together for many years now and he is my best friend and I love him.

But I had PPD with our last kid and went through a tortuous time at work for the past year or two. And recently, I'm so embarrassed to even say this, I cannot stop thinking about sleeping with someone at my job who is almost 25 years older. This person is my mentor and an incredible person. He's married with kids, but I know from long ago that he is in an open marriage. He's charming and larger than life, probably the most important man in my life other than my dad and husband.

So for the past few months, something changed between me and this man. There's suddenly chemistry.

He's checking me out. I'm checking him out. I'm literally dressing for him in the morning.
We are exchanging cute flirty emails. We're both appropriately flustered at times and other times, staring too long at each other's faces. I know those of you reading this might think what I am describing is gross, but it's the hottest thing I've dealt with in many years. I go home and have awesome sex with my husband pretending it's the other man. I literally cannot stop thinking about him. I'm having more fun and am happier than I've been in a long time,
but for the wrong reasons.

But I am a grown up. I may want to have crazy sex with this man, but I don't want to risk losing my husband and kids and this life I've worked so hard to build.

What should I do? Therapy? Please help.

What are you willing to risk then? Nothing in life is free.

[Anonymous]

Your fantasy is probably much better that what the reality would be. You've built this up in your head to something that it could never live up to if it were to happen.

[Anonymous]

The feelings and thoughts you have now are nothing compared to the feelings you'll have after you've slept with him. You'll have intense emotions and may fall in love with him but won't be able to ever have him. He belongs to someone else.

Don't do it. I did it. I regret it. I now think of a man daily who I can never have. He's married to someone else.

Find a hobby. Masterbate. Work on your own marriage.

Get out while you can!!!

[Anonymous]

You know what you risk losing forever. Your husband and an intact family. Your relationship with your kids will also change more likely than not. And not for the good. Buy a vibrator.

[Anonymous]

Male here but I was in a similar situation about a year ago (though it was a woman about 15 years younger who I was assigned to mentor in the sort of high pressure around-the-clock assignments that typically forge close working relationships. (I still keep in touch with some of the guys that have been assigned to me over the years).

I did not go through with an affair and noticed that for a couple weeks after I felt a little blue--like I'd gone through a break-up when I was single. I even wanted to call a close friend for a sympathetic ear. . .and that's when I snapped out of it and realized what a mistake a came close to making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my forties with a full but enviable plate -husband and I both have great but challenging jobs, beuautiful young kids, attractive and in shape, pretty good finances, good health.

It wasn't easy getting here, though. We've been together for many years now and he is my best friend and I love him.

But I had PPD with our last kid and went through a tortuous time at work for the past year or two. And recently, I'm so embarrassed to even say this, I cannot stop thinking about sleeping with someone at my job who is almost 25 years older. This person is my mentor and an incredible person. He's married with kids, but I know from long ago that he is in an open marriage. He's charming and larger than life, probably the most important man in my life other than my dad and husband.

So for the past few months, something changed between me and this man. There's suddenly chemistry.

He's checking me out. I'm checking him out. I'm literally dressing for him in the morning.
We are exchanging cute flirty emails. We're both appropriately flustered at times and other times, staring too long at each other's faces. I know those of you reading this might think what I am describing is gross, but it's the hottest thing I've dealt with in many years. I go home and have awesome sex with my husband pretending it's the other man. I literally cannot stop thinking about him. I'm having more fun and am happier than I've been in a long time,
but for the wrong reasons.

But I am a grown up. I may want to have crazy sex with this man, but I don't want to risk losing my husband and kids and this life I've worked so hard to build.

What should I do? Therapy? Please help.

Have you asked yourself why you are suddenly eye balling someone else? Is something missing in your marriage that you could repair? Maybe just a crush, and yes adults >30 still get the, and it will pass in time, Just don't act on it.

[Anonymous]

Just think about his old man nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just think about his old man nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just think about his old man nuts.

I was just going to write that! Testicular Droopage! It's real!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: We've been together for many years now and he is my best friend and I love him.

Repeat this to yourself every morning.

New guy is a mental vacation. That's all. It won't end well, and reality will set in if you go there. I.e., you're going to discover all the warts. I say this as someone who once went there.

[Anonymous]

How will you ever know if he's your soul mate if you don't bump uglies with him?

[Anonymous]

Don't blow up your life. Also, you didn't say if this guy is married. Don't be THAT woman with whom he blows up his life.

If his wife finds out you've been playing footsie, expect her to be very upset and be more than willing to tell your husband.

You think your life is difficult now? Wait until you deal with the aftermath of this. Like the atomic bomb in comparison.

[Anonymous]

I've been feeling similarly and posted something like "good marriage but attracted to other guy" recently. Think of your family, of your children, of the security that your life with your husband brings. Think of the times your husband has shared milestones with you and imagine yourself telling him you slept with this guy and how he'd react.

And remember the other guy smells at times, has gross bathroom habits, snores, etc - just like your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't blow up your life. Also, you didn't say if this guy is married. Don't be THAT woman with whom he blows up his life.

If his wife finds out you've been playing footsie, expect her to be very upset and be more than willing to tell your husband.

You think your life is difficult now? Wait until you deal with the aftermath of this. Like the atomic bomb in comparison.

She said he has an open marriage.