Help me not have an affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it sounds like the possible affair could be part of a larger mental health episode. Could you be cycling from depression to hypomania?

Interesting that when women want to have sex outside their marriage, it's due to some underlying mental health, resentment, anger issues. Men do it because - wait for it - sex with someone new is awesome.

Who told you that? You'd be surprised how many women share the men's point of view. I'm female, and it makes me sad our society and family structure requires monogamy. It's men's fault!

PP that you are responding to. I am merely a man reading all the psychology with amusement. On one hand, when a woman says she wants to cheat, other women start dissecting her dissatisfaction with the marriage. On the other hand, there is almost always something wrong with the marriage - I have yet to meet a woman who is deeply in love with her husband and has a good sex life at home that still cheats (but I know they exist).

Men are different. No man looks at another man who confesses to an affair and questions his sanity. Men know why men cheat; every single man wants to have sex with other women, the reason we don't is somewhere between morals and opportunity. But the urge is always there.

And I totally agree monogamy is an awful construct, but I disagree it is imposed by men. Gay men are rarely monogamous. When it's left up to men, no one has the illusion that monogamy is a good idea.

Even all those newly married couples? Anyway, of course men don't want monogamy for themselves They want it for their women. Parental uncertainty and all that junk. However, this did backfire thanks to women's lib, and now wives require monogamy from their husbands. Serves you right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In addition to everything posters have contributed above, remember that you have absolutely no right to do this to your husband and children it is not about whether you will have a professional consequences, whether you will be happy, whether another person has an open marriage, whether you feel bored, or depressed, or anything else. This choice is not about you. You already made a choice to get married. If you feel you need an open marriage, talk with your husband about it. If he agrees, then you can both do so. If not you can always divorce. But you have absolutely no right to cheat on him, and to lie to your children. It simply isn't your choice, and isn't about the calculus of whether it would be "worth it" to you. There is so much here about you, you, you. What about your husband? What about the damage to him? It may be an easier decision for you when you live you the Vallos you have made to your spouse. If you want to unwind those, go ahead. But don't cheat before then.

This.

[Anonymous]

Oh doomsday, doomsday, pfft. OP, Just fuck him already and get it out of your system. It will probably be a let down anyway because you've built it up so much in your head. But you most likely won't get caught, lose your kids and all these other fear mongering shit.

I am a DW, been there, done that, got laid and moved on. It really is not that deep.

[Anonymous]

When my ex-husband was caught having an affair, I sent a note to the other woman's husband, not emotional, factual. And I made sure their employer was made aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh doomsday, doomsday, pfft. OP, Just fuck him already and get it out of your system. It will probably be a let down anyway because you've built it up so much in your head. But you most likely won't get caught, lose your kids and all these other fear mongering shit.

I am a DW, been there, done that, got laid and moved on. It really is not that deep.

Was it a disappointment?

[Anonymous]

The choice is yours. To lead a dignified and happy life or to be shamed as a whore? Nobody can make that choice for you. When all the feelings are stripped away, the label of a homewrecker/whore will define you, is that worth 90 seconds of satisfaction??

[Anonymous]

Good God grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP- it's a crush. An intense crush. We all have the feelings, and have to reel it in from time-to-time.

I was in a similar situation...he was 15 years older, we flirted, etc. But we were both married therefore it was the forbidden fruit. Maybe I was bored and lonely. Maybe there are, in fact, certain people you will meet throughout life that you just have an insane amount of chemistry with. The spark between us felt electric, something I hadn't felt in the longest time.

While I secretly wondered if I could scratch the itch, I'll never know if he would have gone for it. Both married with kids...that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help you?

Every time you consider trying to see this coworker for more than work, think about your spouse finding out and coming home from work one day with the locks changed and your clothes in a pile on the front lawn with a sign saying he found out and you can go shack up with your boy toy.

If that thought is not sobering enough for you, get a gym membership close to work and go take a cold shower whenever the urge hits you.

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a different rhyme for the shacking up with this one. "Grandpa Brah?"

How about gramp champ?

[Anonymous]

Just do it, OP. It would be so hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it sounds like the possible affair could be part of a larger mental health episode. Could you be cycling from depression to hypomania?

Interesting that when women want to have sex outside their marriage, it's due to some underlying mental health, resentment, anger issues. Men do it because - wait for it - sex with someone new is awesome.

Who told you that? You'd be surprised how many women share the men's point of view. I'm female, and it makes me sad our society and family structure requires monogamy. It's men's fault!

PP that you are responding to. I am merely a man reading all the psychology with amusement. On one hand, when a woman says she wants to cheat, other women start dissecting her dissatisfaction with the marriage. On the other hand, there is almost always something wrong with the marriage - I have yet to meet a woman who is deeply in love with her husband and has a good sex life at home that still cheats (but I know they exist).

Men are different. No man looks at another man who confesses to an affair and questions his sanity. Men know why men cheat; every single man wants to have sex with other women, the reason we don't is somewhere between morals and opportunity. But the urge is always there.

And I totally agree monogamy is an awful construct, but I disagree it is imposed by men. Gay men are rarely monogamous. When it's left up to men, no one has the illusion that monogamy is a good idea.

Even all those newly married couples? Anyway, of course men don't want monogamy for themselves They want it for their women. Parental uncertainty and all that junk. However, this did backfire thanks to women's lib, and now wives require monogamy from their husbands. Serves you right

Female here. The urge is there for me to have sex with other men, too. But it happens MORE when DH & I are on not connecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- it's a crush. An intense crush. We all have the feelings, and have to reel it in from time-to-time.

I was in a similar situation...he was 15 years older, we flirted, etc. But we were both married therefore it was the forbidden fruit. Maybe I was bored and lonely. Maybe there are, in fact, certain people you will meet throughout life that you just have an insane amount of chemistry with. The spark between us felt electric, something I hadn't felt in the longest time.

While I secretly wondered if I could scratch the itch, I'll never know if he would have gone for it. Both married with kids...that's life.

Sort of unrelated but I do wonder - do you think it's possible to feel that way and have the other person NOT feel an attraction towards you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- it's a crush. An intense crush. We all have the feelings, and have to reel it in from time-to-time.

I was in a similar situation...he was 15 years older, we flirted, etc. But we were both married therefore it was the forbidden fruit. Maybe I was bored and lonely. Maybe there are, in fact, certain people you will meet throughout life that you just have an insane amount of chemistry with. The spark between us felt electric, something I hadn't felt in the longest time.

While I secretly wondered if I could scratch the itch, I'll never know if he would have gone for it. Both married with kids...that's life.

Sort of unrelated but I do wonder - do you think it's possible to feel that way and have the other person NOT feel an attraction towards you?

I don't think so. I think a part of it is the feeling of being wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- it's a crush. An intense crush. We all have the feelings, and have to reel it in from time-to-time.

I was in a similar situation...he was 15 years older, we flirted, etc. But we were both married therefore it was the forbidden fruit. Maybe I was bored and lonely. Maybe there are, in fact, certain people you will meet throughout life that you just have an insane amount of chemistry with. The spark between us felt electric, something I hadn't felt in the longest time.

While I secretly wondered if I could scratch the itch, I'll never know if he would have gone for it. Both married with kids...that's life.

Sort of unrelated but I do wonder - do you think it's possible to feel that way and have the other person NOT feel an attraction towards you?

I don't know- it felt mutual. He complimented my looks frequently. Made playful remarks. Maybe I was a sucker. But yeah, I had a huge crush.

[Anonymous]

Look at your kids' faces. Look hard. Can you break up their family to safisfy an itch? Can you imagine them shuttling between houses and splitting up vacations between you and your Ex?