Reply to Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

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Reply to "Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves.  Their choices are their own.  Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.  [/quote]

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.[/quote]

Maybe a woman just wants to do it.  Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation.  Some people just want to do it, others don’t.  MYOB.[/quote]

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive. [/quote]
+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me. [/quote]

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?[/quote]

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.[/quote]

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)[/quote]

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich. [/quote]

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal[/quote]

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.[/quote]

It’s not a big decision, though.  With the exception of a few weirdos in this very thread literally no one cares and it has zero importance to anyone or anything.

A big personal decision, for example, is choosing to leave your infant children with low paid daycare workers while you go back to your corporate job and earn some money for you and even more for “the man” because… that’s the feminist choice in your twisted worldview.  Plus, not doing so would require actual sacrifice on your part and you’re not really prepared to do that.[/quote]

If it's not a big decision, why don't men do it? Why it's only not a big deal when women have to change their surname?
Flash news: if you don't work a corporate job to stay home with your children, then your husband has to sacrifice his time with his children to provide for your lifestyle. The fact that you don't find this problematic says a lot about you. I personally know many couples who both have flexible jobs and raise their children as partners, not as provider and dependent. [/quote]

It’s sad to see that feminism = judging other women for their decisions.

If you really care about fighting sexism, why don’t you start by changing your form of attack. Going after women for decisions you don’t like isn’t going to be successful. [/quote]

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