New baby and in-laws (venting)
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Anonymous
| I have always had the most awesome in-laws, they have been nothing but nice and thoughtful throughout the years. They have two grandchildren from my husbands sister. We recently had a baby and they have been nothing but pushy about coming over weekly-the first week she was born they offered to take her to their house and are constantly asking me if I need help or a break or need to go somewhere so they can be with her. This is my first child and she is 5 weeks old and I want to spend as much time with her so I politely have told people that I don't need help but they keep complaining to my husband that I am keeping his family away and I allow my mother to be around the child (I am an only child and this is my moms only grandchild-she lives an hour away so when she comes to visit she stayes for 2 days) my in-laws live 10 min away. How on earth to handle this situation I am starting to get bitter and resnentful towards my mother in law, and I feel as though she is trying to mother my child when she is here and she keeps causing a rift between my husband and I. |
Anonymous
|
Decide how often you can deal with seeing them--once every other week for late afternoon/dinner? Get on the same page with DH about it. Communicate the schedule to them.
Practice saying, "We have no plans to leave the baby overnight with anyone. If that changes and we need help, we will let you know." Ignore their comments about your mom. None of their business. If you respond, you're teaching them that you owe them an explanation, and you don't. Let go of wanting/needing their approval. You don't. Let go of thinking you need to understand them. You don't. |
Anonymous
| Well, are you keeping your baby away from your inlaws? |
Anonymous
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That is annoying. I would not really want regular weekly visitors at that stage - tell your DH he has to be home when they visit and he has to visit with them. Use the time to nap.
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Anonymous
| Op here I am definitly not keeping the baby away from my in-laws I just don't feel the need to have them over every week this also includes visits from my sister in law and her two kids on separate days. Since my DD was born they have only missed one weekend. I also had a medical issue that caused my MIL to stay with her for 4 days in my house watching her. When she does visit I feel like I need to find something to do because when the baby needs to be fed or changed my MIL does everything and I then have nothing to do, she doesn't really talk to me while she is here either so it ends up being awkward. This whole situation is beyond weird to me. |
Anonymous
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It may not seem like it, OP, but I am betting the in-laws are really just trying to help.
Perhaps if YOU initiate a visit by telling them when they can come by, they would be less likely to impose. Be patient, because what you do now could damage what is otherwise a good relationship. |
Anonymous
| Wow. Just take a nap when your nice in-laws come over. Or take the chance to go get a manicure or something. You seriously can't handle them coming over to visit 1 time a week for 1-2 hours, but you have no issue with your own mom coming? Horrible. |
Anonymous
| Sounds to me like your MIL needs a new hobby or a job. |
Anonymous
They can't physically stop you from doing what you want to do. Go feed and change the baby. Insist if you need to insist. They're trying to help, they're kind of obsessed, and you're distancing yourself is probably going to make them more anxious and clingy. They want a relationship with you and the baby. I understand why you want your alone, bonding time, but if there is such a marked difference between your treatment of your mother and your MIL, I can't really blame them for feeling like there is more to it than just you wanting to bond with your baby. |
Anonymous
| your* distancing yourself |
Anonymous
| Oh wow. My inlaws want to visit and they do (baby is barely 2 weeks) but they don't change or do anything. They do brig food and then just sit with the baby on he couch for an hour. I wish they'd take completely over for that hour and change etc and I'd just nap. My mom does that and I appreciate it. |
Anonymous
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When they arrive, be specific:
MIL, please change and hold her for 20 while I shower. Then, I'm going to nurse her and put her down. Another thing that would help is if you could rinse the berries and make a fruit salad. Other than that, I'm set. Thanks! |
Anonymous
Irrelevant to OP. It's not about you and your preferences. Get it? |
Anonymous
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Are there other non-baby tasks she can do? Laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cleaning....?
Sorry, sounds like an annoying situation. |
Anonymous
| Op here, if they would be content with an hour visit each week then we would not be having any problems since this is what they are currently doing. The problem I have is that they aren't coming over to help me-I had a c-section and was in the hospital a while and they got upset that I didn't want visitors, I was in pain when they would come over to visit the baby and I really didn't want anyone over-and they wouldn't ask me how I was doing. My mother in law has also mentioned that this grandchild will belong to her and love her the most which I think is bizarre. My mother came over to make sure I was ok to help me get around the house, if I don't need help she finds other non baby things to do. I'm sure that I am being selfish by not wanting to share my daughter but we had a rough journey getting her here and I just don't want to have to entertain visitors especially not someone who makes me feel like they are trying to replace me. |