Trying really hard to not be that DIL

[Anonymous]

I get that I'm more uptight than my ILs. I keep some structure for the kids, but am ok to deviate once in a while, while on the other hand the ILs have no rules or schedule and always fly by the seat of their pants. Needless to say that it creates tension. I generally let a lot more things go when they're around to try to find some middle ground.

We were out to dinner and MIL pulls a pencil out of her bag and shows the 6 year old he can draw on the table. ON the table, not paper (even though there were paper coloring pages available). Out of habit, I responded like I would towards my kids and snatched the pencil out of her hand and said "the rule in our family is that we don't color on tables". As soon as I said it I realized that it was as condescending as could be, but REALLY what was she thinking??

This is one snapshot, but it happens all the time where she's an embarrassment in public and a bad example for the kids. I let the little things go, but certain things are truly unacceptable. I really don't want to be "that" DIL, but I also have to parent my kids and draw certain lines in the sand.

So how DO I respond when I feel like she's crossed a line, but I don't want to be a complete bitch about it?

[Anonymous]

Well, one time my MIL brought silly string to a really nice restaurant and started handing it out to my kids and their cousins (who were all around 2 to 3 at the time). Absolutely the most horrifying thing ever. I couldn't contain the situation fast enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that I'm more uptight than my ILs. I keep some structure for the kids, but am ok to deviate once in a while, while on the other hand the ILs have no rules or schedule and always fly by the seat of their pants. Needless to say that it creates tension. I generally let a lot more things go when they're around to try to find some middle ground.

We were out to dinner and MIL pulls a pencil out of her bag and shows the 6 year old he can draw on the table. ON the table, not paper (even though there were paper coloring pages available). Out of habit, I responded like I would towards my kids and snatched the pencil out of her hand and said "the rule in our family is that we don't color on tables". As soon as I said it I realized that it was as condescending as could be, but REALLY what was she thinking??

This is one snapshot, but it happens all the time where she's an embarrassment in public and a bad example for the kids. I let the little things go, but certain things are truly unacceptable. I really don't want to be "that" DIL, but I also have to parent my kids and draw certain lines in the sand.

So how DO I respond when I feel like she's crossed a line, but I don't want to be a complete bitch about it?

You grabbed something out of another adult's hands and you think SHE was the embarrassment? And you have the nerve to consider yourself the adult at the table? SMH.

[Anonymous]

You are a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

I think what you did is fine.

[Anonymous]

I think you were out of line. Had she tried to hand the pencil to your child, fine, but snatching the pencil out of her hand? Yeah, you ARE that DIL.

[Anonymous]

OP here, ok, I'll bite. I f'd up. I said that originally. My reaction was too strong.

So for those of you who think I'm a nightmare, tell me what I should do next time my MIL is writing on a table at a restaurant and encouraging my child to do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

What kind of table with this? Like with a paper table cloth or on a cloth tablecloth or right on the table? Because unless it was the former she probably shouldn't eat in public and I can't blame you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of table with this? Like with a paper table cloth or on a cloth tablecloth or right on the table? Because unless it was the former she probably shouldn't eat in public and I can't blame you.

No tablecloth. Directly on the table.

[Anonymous]

Where are you people from ? Some MIL stories sound like they are from another country with the uncouthness. Come on, NORMAL people have manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you people from ? Some MIL stories sound like they are from another country with the uncouthness. Come on, NORMAL people have manners.

She was born and raised in the US, as were her parents. East coast, suburb of a big city.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you bring toys or entertainment for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you bring toys or entertainment for your kids?

I did - I had paper and crayons and small cars. She wanted to sit next to him so I gave her the diaper bag and told her his toys were in there if he needed them - he's 6 and usually doesn't need to be fully entertained by someone else. She said "oh I have plenty of things for him, don't worry"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of table with this? Like with a paper table cloth or on a cloth tablecloth or right on the table? Because unless it was the former she probably shouldn't eat in public and I can't blame you.

No tablecloth. Directly on the table.

OMG, seriously? Why would anyone think that's acceptable? I'd be irritated and not want my kid to be encouraged to do that either. I'm sorry that I don't have anything to offer in terms of your question, though. Just know there are enough DILs around that feel your pain!

[Anonymous]

I think you should've quickly pulled out the paper you had brought and said, "Here Larlo, let's use the pencil on the paper."