Trying really hard to not be that DIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, ok, I'll bite. I f'd up. I said that originally. My reaction was too strong.

So for those of you who think I'm a nightmare, tell me what I should do next time my MIL is writing on a table at a restaurant and encouraging my child to do the same thing.

Address your son! Smile at him and say, "Isn't Grammy being silly? We don't write on the table!" Address the person at YOU are responsible for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't grab something from an adult's hand and scold them. Tell me you didn't do that.

When someone tries to tell my children to do something I don't allow, I laugh as if they're joking, and I smile, and I say, "We don't let the kids do that." You can be pleasant and firm, but you don't let it happen. Later, when I'm alone with the kids, I reinforce the rule, and remind them that just because others might do something, doesn't mean we do it.

Except in this case when OP's MIL is doing something so embarrassing to the entire party that I would be tempted to leave her right there. She was rude and incredibly out of line and the only thing more fitting would be if the server had done it to her.

Exactly! And that would have been the next thing to happen if OP hadn't taken away the pencil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would be super annoying to me too, and for those of you being harsh, I can see how OP just instinctively took the pencil without thinking about it. I bet everyone here has done things about thinking about it too so STF up.

Not to mention that the OP came here asking for advice about how to handle it better in the future...

[Anonymous]

Your mother in law showed poor judgement. So did you. You were angry and I'm assuming that the tension has been building for years.

On a flight one time, my MIL taught our 2 year old to stand in his seat and push the overhead buttons for fun. Annoying to other passengers, the flight attendants and dangerous to DS if there was unexpected turbulence. I held my tongue until we were alone and told her why that was unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't grab something from an adult's hand and scold them. Tell me you didn't do that.

When someone tries to tell my children to do something I don't allow, I laugh as if they're joking, and I smile, and I say, "We don't let the kids do that." You can be pleasant and firm, but you don't let it happen. Later, when I'm alone with the kids, I reinforce the rule, and remind them that just because others might do something, doesn't mean we do it.

Except in this case when OP's MIL is doing something so embarrassing to the entire party that I would be tempted to leave her right there. She was rude and incredibly out of line and the only thing more fitting would be if the server had done it to her.

Exactly! And that would have been the next thing to happen if OP hadn't taken away the pencil.

Except OP didn't have to gra the pencil out of her MIL's hand to resolve the situation quickly.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe your MIL actually took a pencil out of her purse for the sole purpose of showing her grandson how to write on a table--defacing restaurant property. Your MIL is a piece of work, OP! You have my utmost sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be super annoying to me too, and for those of you being harsh, I can see how OP just instinctively took the pencil without thinking about it. I bet everyone here has done things about thinking about it too so STF up.

Not to mention that the OP came here asking for advice about how to handle it better in the future...

And OP got that advice. She also got some pats on the back from people who could use some lessons in social skills like OP and her MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be super annoying to me too, and for those of you being harsh, I can see how OP just instinctively took the pencil without thinking about it. I bet everyone here has done things about thinking about it too so STF up.

Not to mention that the OP came here asking for advice about how to handle it better in the future...

And OP got that advice. She also got some pats on the back from people who could use some lessons in social skills like OP and her MIL.

Well-deserved pats on the back. This former employee of the restaurant industry thanks her, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't grab something from an adult's hand and scold them. Tell me you didn't do that.

When someone tries to tell my children to do something I don't allow, I laugh as if they're joking, and I smile, and I say, "We don't let the kids do that." You can be pleasant and firm, but you don't let it happen. Later, when I'm alone with the kids, I reinforce the rule, and remind them that just because others might do something, doesn't mean we do it.

Except in this case when OP's MIL is doing something so embarrassing to the entire party that I would be tempted to leave her right there. She was rude and incredibly out of line and the only thing more fitting would be if the server had done it to her.

Exactly! And that would have been the next thing to happen if OP hadn't taken away the pencil.

Except OP didn't have to gra the pencil out of her MIL's hand to resolve the situation quickly.

No, she didn't, but it was an automatic reaction and in the scheme of things not that bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be super annoying to me too, and for those of you being harsh, I can see how OP just instinctively took the pencil without thinking about it. I bet everyone here has done things about thinking about it too so STF up.

Not to mention that the OP came here asking for advice about how to handle it better in the future...

And OP got that advice. She also got some pats on the back from people who could use some lessons in social skills like OP and her MIL.

Well-deserved pats on the back. This former employee of the restaurant industry thanks her, too.

+1 If OP's MIL wasn't acting like a little kid I don't think OP would have needed to grab it?

[Anonymous]

My MIL loves to steal small stuff from restaurants, cut though the lines, and get into places without a ticket. It's extremely embarrassing for me, and I plead her not to do it when she's with us, but she does not listen. I am just happy my child is small enough not to notice, but I might just become "that DIL" once she grows up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should've quickly pulled out the paper you had brought and said, "Here Larlo, let's use the pencil on the paper."

I think you should have said "MIL, I don't want him coloring on the table. I brought paper he can use."

Don't grab it out of her hands. Use your words. If your kid is 6 he's surely not going to start coloring the very second it's in his hand -- wasn't there time to say "stop, don't do that" and address it that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, ok, I'll bite. I f'd up. I said that originally. My reaction was too strong.

So for those of you who think I'm a nightmare, tell me what I should do next time my MIL is writing on a table at a restaurant and encouraging my child to do the same thing.

Your MIL is an adult who is responsible for her own actions. You say nothing about her writing on the table. You address your child ONLY and say "Here's some paper if you want to draw."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, one time my MIL brought silly string to a really nice restaurant and started handing it out to my kids and their cousins (who were all around 2 to 3 at the time). Absolutely the most horrifying thing ever. I couldn't contain the situation fast enough.

I'm sorry but the mental image of someone running around Ruth Chris trying to grab every last bit of silly string out of toddlers hands while explaining why that is not a good choice is hilarious! That is the worst idea of any possible idea about what to bring to a restaurant to entertain children! I'm picturing your MIL in mom jeans and wearing a visor inside, complaining about the draft.
Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother in law showed poor judgement. So did you. You were angry and I'm assuming that the tension has been building for years.

On a flight one time, my MIL taught our 2 year old to stand in his seat and push the overhead buttons for fun. Annoying to other passengers, the flight attendants and dangerous to DS if there was unexpected turbulence. I held my tongue until we were alone and told her why that was unacceptable.

Wow. I think you win. That is crazy, you could probably be thrown off the plane for that.