Trying really hard to not be that DIL

[Anonymous]

I'm sure OP was just shocked and reacted quickly.
It takes but a second to grab a pencil and write on a table and she was probably just trying to be quick as a mom of a toddler knows how to be!

I don't know if this helps, but I am firm in what I know I want my kids to do, and don't bend to anyone, including grocery store clerks giving my kids suckers, or drink boxes to be drank in the car, cookies directly before nap time, etc.

But I make sure it is between my kids and myself, and graciously thank the person and then turn to my children and handle it. I think it models being kind and grateful, and assuming people have good intentions.

So I would have said something like "oh thank you for bringing something" and then turned to my kids and said "wasn't that nice of Grandma to think of you, but you know we don't draw on tables. Here is some paper I brought"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure OP was just shocked and reacted quickly.
It takes but a second to grab a pencil and write on a table and she was probably just trying to be quick as a mom of a toddler knows how to be!

I don't know if this helps, but I am firm in what I know I want my kids to do, and don't bend to anyone, including grocery store clerks giving my kids suckers, or drink boxes to be drank in the car, cookies directly before nap time, etc.

But I make sure it is between my kids and myself, and graciously thank the person and then turn to my children and handle it. I think it models being kind and grateful, and assuming people have good intentions.

So I would have said something like "oh thank you for bringing something" and then turned to my kids and said "wasn't that nice of Grandma to think of you, but you know we don't draw on tables. Here is some paper I brought"

This is the proper way to handle, OP.

[Anonymous]

For those doubting OP's MIL is real: my mother in law once gave the restaurant metal spoons to my then toddlers and showed them how to make "music" by banging them on the table. In a nice restaurant full of people. My husband and I almost died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother in law showed poor judgement. So did you. You were angry and I'm assuming that the tension has been building for years.

On a flight one time, my MIL taught our 2 year old to stand in his seat and push the overhead buttons for fun. Annoying to other passengers, the flight attendants and dangerous to DS if there was unexpected turbulence. I held my tongue until we were alone and told her why that was unacceptable.

You were in the wrong. Have a little consideration for those around you! I can't even believe that you think your inaction was acceptable!

[Anonymous]

WTF is up with nutso MILs? OP, you were right to correct her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, ok, I'll bite. I f'd up. I said that originally. My reaction was too strong.

So for those of you who think I'm a nightmare, tell me what I should do next time my MIL is writing on a table at a restaurant and encouraging my child to do the same thing.

Your MIL is an adult who is responsible for her own actions. You say nothing about her writing on the table. You address your child ONLY and say "Here's some paper if you want to draw."

How embarrassing! I would address any adult acting in such a manner! In my kind but firm voice, directed at MIL, "Please to not write on the table."

[Anonymous]

Where was your DH during all of this? He needs to step in when it comes to his family member behaving badly instead of you. My DH would have said, "Mom, stop! Writing on the table is not appropriate."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be super annoying to me too, and for those of you being harsh, I can see how OP just instinctively took the pencil without thinking about it. I bet everyone here has done things about thinking about it too so STF up.

Not to mention that the OP came here asking for advice about how to handle it better in the future...

And OP got that advice. She also got some pats on the back from people who could use some lessons in social skills like OP and her MIL.

Your concept of good social skills are childish. I'd bet you prefer a passive or passive aggressive response to unacceptable behavior. I might have done the same as op out of shock. I absolutely would not allow mil to continue her behavior. I would have told her to stop and if she didn't I would, if it was feasible, either pack up and leave or move tables. I would let her know that her behavior was unacceptable. I wouldn't mince words. I want to teach my children not to pretend things are fine when they aren't.

[Anonymous]

..is childish.

[Anonymous]

Try harder, OP. Use your words, for one thing. Count to 10. If my child snatched something away from an elder, she'd get a time out.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP who ordered her husband out of the bathroom. Made me laugh! Agree that it's easy to get stuck in mommy mode, which is not appropriate for dealing with adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should've quickly pulled out the paper you had brought and said, "Here Larlo, let's use the pencil on the paper."

This exactly. I agree that you needed to step in and stop them from writing on the table (WTF!!) but this would have been a better way. My MIL is pretty great but I accassionally have to remind some of the grandparents that I don't want my son to learn bad habits from them.

In a SAHM and sometimes am so used to dealing with the preschooler and baby that I forget and talk to my husband the same way. The other day he had been in the bathroom for a while and out of habit I yelled thru the door 'that's enough, finish up and wash your hands!' That kind of thing happens more often than I'd like to admit, luckily my husband and I can laugh it off. Just try to remember that you're talking to another adult and frame things differently.

Hahaha, love it. Hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try harder, OP. Use your words, for one thing. Count to 10. If my child snatched something away from an elder, she'd get a time out.

I feel sorry for your future DIL. Could you be any more patronizing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try harder, OP. Use your words, for one thing. Count to 10. If my child snatched something away from an elder, she'd get a time out.

I feel sorry for your future DIL. Could you be any more patronizing?

OP asked how to handle herself with MIL. Since she's literally snatching things out of the hands of an adult, OP apparently needs to go back to the very basics of polite behavior...as in count to 10, use your words and don't grab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother in law showed poor judgement. So did you. You were angry and I'm assuming that the tension has been building for years.

On a flight one time, my MIL taught our 2 year old to stand in his seat and push the overhead buttons for fun. Annoying to other passengers, the flight attendants and dangerous to DS if there was unexpected turbulence. I held my tongue until we were alone and told her why that was unacceptable.

Really? You just let your kid act like that? You don't need to scold another adult like a toddler, but Jesus Christ, SOMEONE needed to be the adult and redirect both the kid and the grandma.