People with spouses who have cheated (and then you stuck together)

[Anonymous]

People who had spouses who cheated in the past:

1) do you really ever trust them again?
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
3) is your marriage better now?
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?

FWIW, we are a year out from the end of the affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who had spouses who cheated in the past:

1) do you really ever trust them again?
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
3) is your marriage better now?
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?

FWIW, we are a year out from the end of the affair.

Not in this boat but #1 is the reason why infidelity would be an immediate game ender. If you can't trust your spouse implicitly with something like this then there's no relationship in my book. And if they violate this trust even once, then I'd always feel as if they were capable of violating it again. No way to live.

[Anonymous]

2.Yes, it took awhile to trust again.
2.Glad I didn't get divorced. Didn't want the other woman to get my DH and his money. I wanted my kid to go to a private school and Harvard
3.Marriage is better now
4. I should have been nicer and been willing to have more sex so that DH didn't look elsewhere. We are still BFFs after the affair. Many years ago.

[Anonymous]

I'm 2 years out and no, I not only do not trust spouse but have observed spouse continue to lie and sneak. Am getting ducks lined up and will leave when it is convenient for me to do so. Don't care about spouse's convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2.Yes, it took awhile to trust again.
2.Glad I didn't get divorced. Didn't want the other woman to get my DH and his money. I wanted my kid to go to a private school and Harvard
3.Marriage is better now
4. I should have been nicer and been willing to have more sex so that DH didn't look elsewhere. We are still BFFs after the affair. Many years ago.

OMG ... I sincerely hope this is just a troll. What a chump.

[Anonymous]

1) do you really ever trust them again? -I haven't yet and it's been 2.5 years.
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened? - Yes
3) is your marriage better now? -No, upon the discovery everything changed. The affair partner was a friend of mine. Needless to say I now keep people at an arms length.
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future? - I don't believe words anymore, actions speak so much louder to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) do you really ever trust them again? -I haven't yet and it's been 2.5 years.
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened? - Yes
3) is your marriage better now? -No, upon the discovery everything changed. The affair partner was a friend of mine. Needless to say I now keep people at an arms length.
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future? - I don't believe words anymore, actions speak so much louder to me.

Thanks to your statement, I now understand a woman I once tried to befriend. she is totally held hostage by her husbands fairly constant, and fairly public infidelities. it has taken me a long time to understand why she hid behind his money and kept people at arms length. now I understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2.Yes, it took awhile to trust again.
2.Glad I didn't get divorced. Didn't want the other woman to get my DH and his money. I wanted my kid to go to a private school and Harvard
3.Marriage is better now
4. I should have been nicer and been willing to have more sex so that DH didn't look elsewhere. We are still BFFs after the affair. Many years ago.

OMG ... I sincerely hope this is just a troll. What a chump.

Why? Sometimes guys really are just cheating for sex. They're not narcissists, they don't love the OW, they don't have an EA at all with her. They just want to have passionate sex. I know of what I speak.

[Anonymous]

1) do you really ever trust them again?
No.

2) Do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
Yes and no. Staying and watching allowed me to understand that my unfaithful spouse was mentally ill, and thus I have been better able to protect my kids.

3) is your marriage better now?
No. Marriage was never able to recover.

4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?
As a condition of staying as ex asked, I should have had ex sign a post-nup agreement detailing the terms of our divorce, custody and child support. I believe it would have been eye opening for him to have to consider and plan for the unravelling. As it was, it was clear that in the fog of infidelity (and mania) he had no understanding of the repercussions of his behavior. A post-nup may have forced him to face reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who had spouses who cheated in the past:

1) do you really ever trust them again?
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
3) is your marriage better now?
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?

FWIW, we are a year out from the end of the affair.

1) No. And he's given me lots of new reasons not to ever trust him again.

2) I wish I had been able to divorce him - but having a 4 month old baby and a toddler and nowhere to go - I was stuck. If I could have left I would have, but he knew I was trapped.

3) No. We went to a therapist for awhile but it didn't help, and he continued to have self-esteem issues and substance abuse problems.

4) You try and you try to be supportive hoping that the person you loved is still in there , and in the end you are just exhausted and incredibly sad because you've wasted so much time and energy trying to make things right. I wish I had gotten out, now I just feel old and tired. It's a cliche but true - gave him the best years of my life and made him and the kids always come first... and got railroaded. Watch out for yourself because no one else will.

I'd rather be alone than be married now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who had spouses who cheated in the past:

1) do you really ever trust them again?
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
3) is your marriage better now?
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?

FWIW, we are a year out from the end of the affair.

1) 10+ years after and the answer is no. He says he's been faithful since then, but who knows. He had multiple affairs in the 7 years leading up to then.
2) Yes, in a way I do. It would have been easier to leave when the hurt was fresh. Also, family would have been real supportive. Now if I leave I will look like the "bad guy".
3) The past year has been rocky and I've seriously considered ending it.
4) I am really questioning my commitment and whether I should have stayed. I have never been able to connect on the same level again and sometimes I feel like it hasn't been fair to either of us. Maybe we should have just admitted the marriage was over and both walked away (but the kids were little then and I had a newborn at the time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who had spouses who cheated in the past:

1) do you really ever trust them again?
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
3) is your marriage better now?
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?

FWIW, we are a year out from the end of the affair.

1) No. And he's given me lots of new reasons not to ever trust him again.

2) I wish I had been able to divorce him - but having a 4 month old baby and a toddler and nowhere to go - I was stuck. If I could have left I would have, but he knew I was trapped.

3) No. We went to a therapist for awhile but it didn't help, and he continued to have self-esteem issues and substance abuse problems.

4) You try and you try to be supportive hoping that the person you loved is still in there , and in the end you are just exhausted and incredibly sad because you've wasted so much time and energy trying to make things right. I wish I had gotten out, now I just feel old and tired. It's a cliche but true - gave him the best years of my life and made him and the kids always come first... and got railroaded. Watch out for yourself because no one else will.

I'd rather be alone than be married now.

I am the next poster...and wow...this sound just like my situation. I recently found reason to question the past 10 years since the affairs. It's never ending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who had spouses who cheated in the past:

1) do you really ever trust them again?
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
3) is your marriage better now?
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?

FWIW, we are a year out from the end of the affair.

1. Yes, but he cheated again... 15 years later
2. No
3. We never had a bad marriage, it couldn't get better, it got worse for a little, then back to normal which was very good.
4. My H should have stayed in therapy longer.

[Anonymous]

How many of you pp's are SAHMs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you pp's are SAHMs?

21:01... WOH, make more money than H, could afford the house on my own.