Help re school for anxious, smart, possibly GT/LD introverted second grader.

[Anonymous]

Ok folks, please be kind. I'm a mom at the end of my rope, so worried about this kid that I'm in tears nearly every day. We live in a Bethesda, in a "W" school area, and have a first grade girl. She's bright, she's shy and VERY sensitive, I think she may have some mild ADD-inattentive issues (though not diagnosed yet). She has a great teacher this year (first grade), who says she's doing great academically but certainly does a lot better one-on-one than in a group. The major problem is this kid just HATES school. She doesn't misbehave, but she cries every day, and cries every night, and says she doesn't think she's a good student and no one cares about her. The teacher and we definitely think she's anxious. She's a happy kid when she's home and playing. She feels overwhelmed. She has some friends, but she's always being pushed around by other kids and doesn't stand up for herself. We're working on that. We're going to have her see someone for the anxiety, and we may get her a neuropsych eval (though I'm nervous that doing that guarantees a diagnosis that might not be accurate or helpful when she's so anxious at this point anyway, so I kind of want to wait a year or so).
We're concluding that the big classroom in public school isn't doing it for her. Who knows if it will be better in private school or not -- but I think we have to try. I would really appreciate suggestions for schools that you think might fit this kind of kid. She needs the warmest, fuzziest, most individual-attention-giving environment there is, I think. When she has that, she blossoms at home. She doesn't need a strict hand. She already tries hard and does her work, and she's never gotten in trouble at school for anything. She's the opposite of that. She's always worried that she'll make a mistake or do the wrong thing.
The catch, of course, is that we can't afford this. We're one of those $200k/year, 2-working-parent families with no family money and student loans. We have a low mortgage, but we can't afford $30k/year in tuition. I'm sure we wouldn't get financial aid either. We can afford parochial. But I'm willing to sell some organs to get her into a school that will help her be happy at this point. (Please don't say stuff like "take fewer vacations". We already only take camping vacations and drive old, beat up cars. For us, it would mean not saving for retirement or college. But, if that's the only way to give her what she needs, then we'll do it.) But I'm open to any and all suggestions at this point, for both what would be the best school for her, and also what might be the "next best" school for her in our lower price range. Or anyone who's had a similar kid and similar experience.

[Anonymous]

I don't know anything about MCPS schools, but we did a neuropsych eval and it doesn't "guarantee" you a diagnosis. We were pretty disappointed about that, actually.

Get on the waiting lists for KKI and Childrens (usually 6 months +) and ask them to call you if they get a cancellation. Your insurance is likely to cover at least part of the cost (obviously check the codes first).

[Anonymous]

yeah, I sort of agree with getting an evaluation so you can figure out exactly what she needs. When we did that for my son, we found out what he needs and then we got that for him-- turns out parachial school with smaller classes worked well with specific help for his ADD. It will also help figure out if there is a way to make public work better for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yeah, I sort of agree with getting an evaluation so you can figure out exactly what she needs. When we did that for my son, we found out what he needs and then we got that for him-- turns out parachial school with smaller classes worked well with specific help for his ADD. It will also help figure out if there is a way to make public work better for her

Thanks! I'm certain we will do an eval, just not sure if we should wait until she's 7. Anyway, if we are going to switch schools we will need to start that process before the waiting time for the eval. Can you tell me what parochial has been good for your child?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd figure out the anxiety first, and then think about schools. DD has anxiety, and in her anxious state, she's just not herself, so switching schools/teachers/friends wouldn't solve anything.

[Anonymous]

Therapy and Zoloft made a big difference for my anxious child. I don't recommend waiting or trying a new school when a transition might be even more stressful for her. Save the money for some play therapy.

[Anonymous]

I'd look at Waldorf. Not far from you and a lot less $$ than other privates. Very warm and fuzzy.

[Anonymous]

OP here, yes. We are definitely addressing the anxiety no matter what, starting now. We won't wait and see if a school change fixes it. I just also think we're going to have to start the school change process. Where we are now isn't working, and from what others say it gets less nurturing next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd look at Waldorf. Not far from you and a lot less $$ than other privates. Very warm and fuzzy.

Thanks. That makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

PP, I know our lady of mercy in Potomac has an inclusion program- though I don't know much more than that. Supposed to be wonderful.

http://www.schoololom.org/pages/OLOM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, yes. We are definitely addressing the anxiety no matter what, starting now. We won't wait and see if a school change fixes it. I just also think we're going to have to start the school change process. Where we are now isn't working, and from what others say it gets less nurturing next year.

Been down this road with a child with similar issues. Changing schools will not be the band aid you are looking for. The anxiety and social issues will travel and in a smaller school with fewer kids, can actually get worse if she does not fit in to the social dynamics of the class. Best thing to do is to start with therapy, get a neuropysch eval so you know what you are dealing with, possibly medication. Make sure you provide some kind of outlet after school for social interaction so she feels part of something socially, an activity that she is good at and enjoys. Finding a like minded group will give her confidence. Once you identify what is really going on, then you will find if you need to change schools or not.

[Anonymous]

You did not say whether you have noticed any learning issues. Does she struggle with any academic things in particular? I will definitely do a neurapsych evaluation to get to the root of the problems.

Some of the smaller private school may be good for her.

[Anonymous]

You need an evaluation to see what will help her like school. For my niece with anxiety and ADHD, public school w/IEP was a much better fit than the 35K private school she was originally attending.

[Anonymous]

The school says she won't get an IEP because she performs above grade level. She just doesn't absorb things in class, but then she learns it at home on her own.
We'll do the neuropsych, but it's a wait to do it. In the meantime, we're going to start seeing someone about the anxiety. But I also want to look at schools, because I'm very afraid that next year it's going to be even worse because the teacher is much harsher. And if we don't start looking now, we're going to be too late.
I don't expect a change in school to be a "band aid", but I do recall feeling very lost and scared as a kid in my big public school, and much more "known" and cared for once we moved to a much smaller school. Obviously, there are some smaller schools that are more "caring" and others that aren't. I know it's not a black and white difference.

[Anonymous]

Look at Waldorf and Norwood, Sheridan and other K-8s. They are smaller communities.