Help re school for anxious, smart, possibly GT/LD introverted second grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Montessori? Oneness?

Evergreen Montessori (Silver Spring)

[Anonymous]

How can she start at a Montessori school at 2nd grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grace Episcopal, Sandy Spring Friends?

Christ Episcopal is very nurturing. Will handle the anxiety party well. I am not sure about the other things she may or may not have.

I would not suggest Grace for a child with an LD or ADHD. Very small schools don't tend to have learning specialists on staff; they're usually not fully equipped to help kids in the same way other schools might.

I would definitely recommend an evaluation, so you know what her real needs are. And CBT can really help with anxiety.

Good luck, OP.

Not Sandy Spring Friends, my DD has very, very mild ADD with slightly below average processing speed and they said they could not accommodation her. Actually, the AD was really snotty about it.

Was this recent, PP. They have a long document about accommodations and stuff on their website now - I was put off by it, TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do not be fearful or hesitant about getting a full neuropsych evaluation. There is nothing scary about it, and you don't need to far that your child will somehow be "labeled" just because you get her evaluated. We went to Stixrud, and they were very good and very thoughtful. (Expensive, too, but depending on your health insurance some may be covered). It helped us understand more about how our child thinks and learns, and consequently has made it easier to figure out what she needs from us and from school.

More information is never bad. I totally get working on the anxiety, but the anxiety could be the result of some underlying attentional or learning difficulty. If you address the anxiety without trying to figure out if there is an underlying problem, you're addressing the symptom but not the cause....

Anyway, hang in there. I have also found with my kids-- both of whom are wonderful, bright, funny kids, and both of whom have some attentional issues and mild LDs -- that things go in phases. Sometimes things are really rough at school for a few months, then they settle down and everything is pretty easy and happy, then back to rough. What you are going through is tough but don't assume it will always be that way.

I agree that a solid round of testing will help you and future educators make better decisions for her. You need a better handle on what she's dealing with in order to make the best choice.

[Anonymous]

I suggest Sheridan, great caring and nuturing environment where kids are not pushed around by others. They build great confidence to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The school says she won't get an IEP because she performs above grade level. She just doesn't absorb things in class, but then she learns it at home on her own.
We'll do the neuropsych, but it's a wait to do it. In the meantime, we're going to start seeing someone about the anxiety. But I also want to look at schools, because I'm very afraid that next year it's going to be even worse because the teacher is much harsher. And if we don't start looking now, we're going to be too late.
I don't expect a change in school to be a "band aid", but I do recall feeling very lost and scared as a kid in my big public school, and much more "known" and cared for once we moved to a much smaller school. Obviously, there are some smaller schools that are more "caring" and others that aren't. I know it's not a black and white difference.

The school is wrong. BTDT. You need a neuropsych first to get her IQ. Check the special needs archive. I have a DC with similar issues, we did therapy, zoloft, adderall and new school (private) but this when DC was older. Don't dismiss the large "Big 3" privates - you may qualify for aid. Don't wait like we did until child was older & record was not good enough for Big 3, despite very high IQ. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look at Waldorf and Norwood, Sheridan and other K-8s. They are smaller communities.

If you want super-nurturing I would advise you to take a look at the schools that specialize in the early elementary years like Primary Day, Harbor and some of the nearby Montessoris. I would also try to see if they would allow a mid-year application as these schools stop at 2nd grade and I would want to maximize her time there.

Also agree Norwood might be worth checking out. Don't know much about Feyman except that there are a lot of bright kids and it's extremely small which could be good for your DD. The downside may be academic pressures.

I would make the investment now to put her in whatever school is best no matter what the cost and think about switching her to another less expensive school or to public when she's matured and has a better view of school. It sounds like she needs help now. School should be for kids at this age and I'm sure there's a great match for her among the schools in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grace Episcopal, Sandy Spring Friends?

Christ Episcopal is very nurturing. Will handle the anxiety party well. I am not sure about the other things she may or may not have.

I would not suggest Grace for a child with an LD or ADHD. Very small schools don't tend to have learning specialists on staff; they're usually not fully equipped to help kids in the same way other schools might.

I would definitely recommend an evaluation, so you know what her real needs are. And CBT can really help with anxiety.

Good luck, OP.

Not Sandy Spring Friends, my DD has very, very mild ADD with slightly below average processing speed and they said they could not accommodation her. Actually, the AD was really snotty about it.

We had the same experience with the AD there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school says she won't get an IEP because she performs above grade level. She just doesn't absorb things in class, but then she learns it at home on her own.
We'll do the neuropsych, but it's a wait to do it. In the meantime, we're going to start seeing someone about the anxiety. But I also want to look at schools, because I'm very afraid that next year it's going to be even worse because the teacher is much harsher. And if we don't start looking now, we're going to be too late.
I don't expect a change in school to be a "band aid", but I do recall feeling very lost and scared as a kid in my big public school, and much more "known" and cared for once we moved to a much smaller school. Obviously, there are some smaller schools that are more "caring" and others that aren't. I know it's not a black and white difference.

The school is wrong. BTDT. You need a neuropsych first to get her IQ. Check the special needs archive. I have a DC with similar issues, we did therapy, zoloft, adderall and new school (private) but this when DC was older. Don't dismiss the large "Big 3" privates - you may qualify for aid. Don't wait like we did until child was older & record was not good enough for Big 3, despite very high IQ. Good luck.

We did a WPPSI back when she was 4 (because we considered private then -- got in to some good ones but decided we couldn't afford it and to give public a try) so we know she has a high IQ (with the caveat that I put very little stock in those tests for young kids). She's never had an academic problem. The kid read at 4 (just barely 4, in fact) with no pushing from us. I know the full neuropsych exam will give us a much more comprehensive picture. I expect we're going to see a slowish processing speed, but whether it will be below average or just average when her other stuff is much higher, I don't know.
Here's my question -- for the neuropsych exam, if we do it at age 6, are we rising "missing" something or getting an in accurate picture because she's just too young? I've heard conflicting things, like "wait until 7 or 8 unless it's a really extreme situation because things change so much at that age" or because a 6 year old can just have a wacky off-day and that throws off the test. Wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did a WPPSI back when she was 4 (because we considered private then -- got in to some good ones but decided we couldn't afford it and to give public a try) so we know she has a high IQ (with the caveat that I put very little stock in those tests for young kids). She's never had an academic problem. The kid read at 4 (just barely 4, in fact) with no pushing from us. I know the full neuropsych exam will give us a much more comprehensive picture. I expect we're going to see a slowish processing speed, but whether it will be below average or just average when her other stuff is much higher, I don't know.
Here's my question -- for the neuropsych exam, if we do it at age 6, are we rising "missing" something or getting an in accurate picture because she's just too young? I've heard conflicting things, like "wait until 7 or 8 unless it's a really extreme situation because things change so much at that age" or because a 6 year old can just have a wacky off-day and that throws off the test. Wrong?

There's a chance they can miss something at any age and I don't think 6 versus 7 or 8 will make much of a difference. When people say this they are often talking about IQs being off because a young child couldn't concentrate or the testers not being able to catch something like dyslexia because the child was not developmentally ready to read in the first place and they chalked it up to that. It doesn't sound like your child is the type to blow off the testing by refusing to do something or being silly and since she's been reading for so long the second problem doesn't seem to be an issue either. I would go for it. Even 1st graders can be depressed and she sounds like she's close to this if not already there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't even know if there is an LD at this point. We know there's an anxiety problem. But we don't know whether that's making her miserable all on its own or if there's an inattention issue that's contributing to her anxiety. The pediatrician recommended we wait until she's closer to 7 for an evaluation for ADHD-inattentive, because (as he said), it's pretty hard to tell the difference between 6 and inattentive. The teacher notes that she's distractable, but then again says that lots of kids are at this age. She performs at or above grade level in everything (but that's not surprising, she's always been pretty "ahead" on academic stuff). We're really concerned that she's so miserable and that she *feels* like she's not able to do the work, even though she is able to do it. And that she hates school.
If we do move her to private school, I want it to be a place that's very warm and nurturing and that has the capability of dealing with mild LDs or ADHD, so that if that is what this turns out to involve, we don't then have to move again. Transitions are so hard for her, I don't want to do it more than necessary.
And I do appreciate everyone saying "get the evaluation". I admit I'm a little scared to do it, so I'm very willing to go with the teacher and pediatrician recommendations to wait it out a while longer. But I'm also wary because I know that often girls (especially bright girls) can have mild LDs that go unnoticed because they behave in ways that aren't disruptive.

There's a public school with a good "reputation" (test scores) in Bethesda that seems to make learning miserable for a surprising number of kids. We are in private but I was recently having lunch with a bunch of moms from this school as we are in the neighborhood and they were talking about how every year a bunch of kids in the lower grades flee for private and are in very bad shape by the time they leave. This isn't the typical I want my child to thrive and have every opportunity discussion. The kids they were talking about were at a point where they felt horrible about themselves. I don't know if you're at this school but in case you are I would think carefully about the possibility of whether the environment there is just too stressful and that your child doesn't have LDs or other issues but is reacting appropriately to having that kind of stress at such a young age.

[Anonymous]

I don't have time this morning to read all of the comments, but I needed to reply before I head out because of how similar our situation was two years ago. In tears every day is pretty much my son every day in the first few months of K. It got much worse after that. About half way through the year he stopped directing his anxiety inward as much and started acting out. By the time we pulled him out he was threatening suicide. Not trying to scare you ... these are different kids ... this is just how the anxiety affected my son. Many therapy bills and doctor bills later, here's what helped us ...

- Getting a proper neuro-psych eval identified not only the ADHD (which we knew about), but his severe dyslexia which, combined with anxiety, we (including the psychologist) believe is the root of his acting out (ODD). He did not meet the criteria for GAD by the time we did the eval but is at risk for anxiety and depression.
- Moved him to a small Montessori school for 1st and 2nd. It has been such a supportive environment for him. He has a best friend at school and the teacher really recognizes the areas he excels in vs focusing on reading (we're doing outside tutoring with a specialist for that).
- Strattera - while originally prescribed for his ADHD, it's important to remember that one of the primary ingredients is seratonin ... the drug used to treat anxiety and depression.

Good luck. I do think you're on the right track. It took several months after we pulled DS out of K for him to unwind but things got so much better after that. He still has a lot of the stress/OCD/anxiety habits he started in K but even those are starting to get better. He's also matured a lot in the last 2 years. We're planning to place him back in public school for 3rd grade after we move into FCPS next year and hope, with a good IEP, that his experience can be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't even know if there is an LD at this point. We know there's an anxiety problem. But we don't know whether that's making her miserable all on its own or if there's an inattention issue that's contributing to her anxiety. The pediatrician recommended we wait until she's closer to 7 for an evaluation for ADHD-inattentive, because (as he said), it's pretty hard to tell the difference between 6 and inattentive. The teacher notes that she's distractable, but then again says that lots of kids are at this age. She performs at or above grade level in everything (but that's not surprising, she's always been pretty "ahead" on academic stuff). We're really concerned that she's so miserable and that she *feels* like she's not able to do the work, even though she is able to do it. And that she hates school.
If we do move her to private school, I want it to be a place that's very warm and nurturing and that has the capability of dealing with mild LDs or ADHD, so that if that is what this turns out to involve, we don't then have to move again. Transitions are so hard for her, I don't want to do it more than necessary.
And I do appreciate everyone saying "get the evaluation". I admit I'm a little scared to do it, so I'm very willing to go with the teacher and pediatrician recommendations to wait it out a while longer. But I'm also wary because I know that often girls (especially bright girls) can have mild LDs that go unnoticed because they behave in ways that aren't disruptive.

There's a public school with a good "reputation" (test scores) in Bethesda that seems to make learning miserable for a surprising number of kids. We are in private but I was recently having lunch with a bunch of moms from this school as we are in the neighborhood and they were talking about how every year a bunch of kids in the lower grades flee for private and are in very bad shape by the time they leave. This isn't the typical I want my child to thrive and have every opportunity discussion. The kids they were talking about were at a point where they felt horrible about themselves. I don't know if you're at this school but in case you are I would think carefully about the possibility of whether the environment there is just too stressful and that your child doesn't have LDs or other issues but is reacting appropriately to having that kind of stress at such a young age.

Aah! Give me a clue! I feel like there's this "cone of silence" at our school where people don't talk about that stuff. And I'm not one of the SAHM's, so I'm not clued into the secret discussions.

[Anonymous]

I saw the same thing happen to the child of a friend of mine who was in my child's class last year. At first there was a lot of anxiety and crying at home about not liking school. The parents tried really hard to get help from the school but they said everything was just fine because he was pretty quiet and very bright and academics were good.

As the year went on the anxiety turned to anger and depression. This is a scrawny kid and he must have lost 10 pounds in a few months. I was shocked at how quickly he went from a sweet child who was struggling at school to a child in crisis. The parents pulled him out as soon to private they could but it did take months for them to find the right place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have time this morning to read all of the comments, but I needed to reply before I head out because of how similar our situation was two years ago. In tears every day is pretty much my son every day in the first few months of K. It got much worse after that. About half way through the year he stopped directing his anxiety inward as much and started acting out. By the time we pulled him out he was threatening suicide. Not trying to scare you ... these are different kids ... this is just how the anxiety affected my son. Many therapy bills and doctor bills later, here's what helped us ...

- Getting a proper neuro-psych eval identified not only the ADHD (which we knew about), but his severe dyslexia which, combined with anxiety, we (including the psychologist) believe is the root of his acting out (ODD). He did not meet the criteria for GAD by the time we did the eval but is at risk for anxiety and depression.
- Moved him to a small Montessori school for 1st and 2nd. It has been such a supportive environment for him. He has a best friend at school and the teacher really recognizes the areas he excels in vs focusing on reading (we're doing outside tutoring with a specialist for that).
- Strattera - while originally prescribed for his ADHD, it's important to remember that one of the primary ingredients is seratonin ... the drug used to treat anxiety and depression.

Good luck. I do think you're on the right track. It took several months after we pulled DS out of K for him to unwind but things got so much better after that. He still has a lot of the stress/OCD/anxiety habits he started in K but even those are starting to get better. He's also matured a lot in the last 2 years. We're planning to place him back in public school for 3rd grade after we move into FCPS next year and hope, with a good IEP, that his experience can be better.

OP here. Thanks for sharing your experience and advice. I don't think we have all the same issues, but it's certainly possible that we have some. That sounds like a very tough road. He's a lucky kid to have such caring, proactive parents.