Help re school for anxious, smart, possibly GT/LD introverted second grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grace Episcopal, Sandy Spring Friends?

Christ Episcopal is very nurturing. Will handle the anxiety party well. I am not sure about the other things she may or may not have.

I would not suggest Grace for a child with an LD or ADHD. Very small schools don't tend to have learning specialists on staff; they're usually not fully equipped to help kids in the same way other schools might.

I would definitely recommend an evaluation, so you know what her real needs are. And CBT can really help with anxiety.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I made an appointment with the pediatrician-recommended therapist for the anxiety. We'll see what they say about whether the inattention is worth exploring further.

[Anonymous]

I would second taking a look at Waldorf but make sure you can live with the philosophy because if your kid enjoys the iPad, movies, etc. it will only make her more anxious to be at school where those things are frowned upon.

Agree with others, you need to address the anxiety and figure out what's going on then look for a school. Moving schools before you have a handle on her needs could trigger yet another school change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grace Episcopal, Sandy Spring Friends?

Christ Episcopal is very nurturing. Will handle the anxiety party well. I am not sure about the other things she may or may not have.

I would not suggest Grace for a child with an LD or ADHD. Very small schools don't tend to have learning specialists on staff; they're usually not fully equipped to help kids in the same way other schools might.

I would definitely recommend an evaluation, so you know what her real needs are. And CBT can really help with anxiety.

Good luck, OP.

Not Sandy Spring Friends, my DD has very, very mild ADD with slightly below average processing speed and they said they could not accommodation her. Actually, the AD was really snotty about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grace Episcopal, Sandy Spring Friends?

Christ Episcopal is very nurturing. Will handle the anxiety party well. I am not sure about the other things she may or may not have.

I would not suggest Grace for a child with an LD or ADHD. Very small schools don't tend to have learning specialists on staff; they're usually not fully equipped to help kids in the same way other schools might.

I would definitely recommend an evaluation, so you know what her real needs are. And CBT can really help with anxiety.

Good luck, OP.

Not Sandy Spring Friends, my DD has very, very mild ADD with slightly below average processing speed and they said they could not accommodation her. Actually, the AD was really snotty about it.

Good to know!

[Anonymous]

Green Acres

[Anonymous]

OP, do not be fearful or hesitant about getting a full neuropsych evaluation. There is nothing scary about it, and you don't need to far that your child will somehow be "labeled" just because you get her evaluated. We went to Stixrud, and they were very good and very thoughtful. (Expensive, too, but depending on your health insurance some may be covered). It helped us understand more about how our child thinks and learns, and consequently has made it easier to figure out what she needs from us and from school.

More information is never bad. I totally get working on the anxiety, but the anxiety could be the result of some underlying attentional or learning difficulty. If you address the anxiety without trying to figure out if there is an underlying problem, you're addressing the symptom but not the cause....

Anyway, hang in there. I have also found with my kids-- both of whom are wonderful, bright, funny kids, and both of whom have some attentional issues and mild LDs -- that things go in phases. Sometimes things are really rough at school for a few months, then they settle down and everything is pretty easy and happy, then back to rough. What you are going through is tough but don't assume it will always be that way.

[Anonymous]

Sounds a lot like my DD in 1st grade (a few years ago). She was at a small private, and a lot of the anxiety was caused by the highly competitive (academically but also socially/economically) school setting--she is much, much happier in public. We live in DC, so our selection of lower-key public options is different from what you have in MoCo...though I understand the GT possibility might open up some different public pathways down the road. Not intending to be anti-private school on the private school forum--different solutions will work for different kids--but I'd caution that if private will be a financial stretch, it might not help the anxiety when (some) classmates have luxurious houses, vacations, etc. All good wishes on the journey ahead!

[Anonymous]

My child was the same in 1st. Turned out there were a bunch of kids who were extremely disruptive kids in her class to the point where every single day the teacher was spending half the day on just dealing with the kids. My DD who is a rules follower and does not like disorder in general, hated the chaos of the classroom environment. The next year, she had a more experienced teacher and a couple less disruptive kids and things went better. So it could be that her current class and mix of kids is bad. Can you speak to the principal about switching her to another class?

[Anonymous]

OP, a child does not need to "fail" to be eligible for services. However, there does need to be proof of an "academic impact" from her disorder for the school to provide IEP services, so a diagnosis of some kind, and most helpfully, a health code MCPS can understand, is in order if you want support in school. Instead of asking the school for an evaluation, which it sounds like they won't want to do, you should pay privately for a top-notch neuropsych (we got ours at Stixrud's and it cost $3.2K out of pocket). I agree that the supports matter, not the private/public label. If you go the private route, you would have to find the "right" private.

Anxiety and ADHD go frequently together, but right now, since she's doing the work, it does seem as if the anxiety is taking the biggest toll. And this is the thing - ADHD cannot be properly treated if anxiety isn't managed. If she gets particularly nervous during tests, the neuropsych might not work out. However, it is a one-on-one environment and very nurturing (since the goal is to make the child comfortable and perform at his or her maximum potential), at least in reputable practices. Only you can decide whether that sort of evaluation would sit well with her. My son, usually reserved in school, got so comfortable he talked the ear off the psychologist administering the test!

I would say from your description that your child needs to be evaluated for an anxiety disorder (I don't know if this can be assessed during the full neuropsych - you should call and ask) as well. Perhaps therapy will help afterward.
And then you will have a clearer picture of other potential disorders.

She could also have GI tract issues, eyesight problems, dyslexia, etc. Get an in-depth physical as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do not be fearful or hesitant about getting a full neuropsych evaluation. There is nothing scary about it, and you don't need to far that your child will somehow be "labeled" just because you get her evaluated. We went to Stixrud, and they were very good and very thoughtful. (Expensive, too, but depending on your health insurance some may be covered). It helped us understand more about how our child thinks and learns, and consequently has made it easier to figure out what she needs from us and from school.

More information is never bad. I totally get working on the anxiety, but the anxiety could be the result of some underlying attentional or learning difficulty. If you address the anxiety without trying to figure out if there is an underlying problem, you're addressing the symptom but not the cause....

Anyway, hang in there. I have also found with my kids-- both of whom are wonderful, bright, funny kids, and both of whom have some attentional issues and mild LDs -- that things go in phases. Sometimes things are really rough at school for a few months, then they settle down and everything is pretty easy and happy, then back to rough. What you are going through is tough but don't assume it will always be that way.

Thanks for this! I appreciate it. I do understand that the anxiety may be just a symptom of some other issue (ADHD probably, or something else), but I also understand that the inattention may be a symptom of the anxiety. So we have to pick one to start with, I guess. I do think we will get a fully neuropsych eval at some point, just trying to figure out when. I don't want to do it "too young" and then wonder if it's accurate and have to do it again in a year. I appreciate the rec for Stixrud. Who did you see there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child was the same in 1st. Turned out there were a bunch of kids who were extremely disruptive kids in her class to the point where every single day the teacher was spending half the day on just dealing with the kids. My DD who is a rules follower and does not like disorder in general, hated the chaos of the classroom environment. The next year, she had a more experienced teacher and a couple less disruptive kids and things went better. So it could be that her current class and mix of kids is bad. Can you speak to the principal about switching her to another class?

I think that was an issue last year, but not this year. I do wonder, though, if a big MCPS class is just too much for her, even with a great teacher and pretty well-behaved kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a lot like my DD in 1st grade (a few years ago). She was at a small private, and a lot of the anxiety was caused by the highly competitive (academically but also socially/economically) school setting--she is much, much happier in public. We live in DC, so our selection of lower-key public options is different from what you have in MoCo...though I understand the GT possibility might open up some different public pathways down the road. Not intending to be anti-private school on the private school forum--different solutions will work for different kids--but I'd caution that if private will be a financial stretch, it might not help the anxiety when (some) classmates have luxurious houses, vacations, etc. All good wishes on the journey ahead!

OP here, I do appreciate this perspective. I do worry about the long-term issue of social stuff related to not having as much money as other kids (especially with girls, when it comes to clothes and stuff) with the high-priced private schools. I don't think it would be as much of an issue in the lower-price-range options, hopefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would second taking a look at Waldorf but make sure you can live with the philosophy because if your kid enjoys the iPad, movies, etc. it will only make her more anxious to be at school where those things are frowned upon.

Agree with others, you need to address the anxiety and figure out what's going on then look for a school. Moving schools before you have a handle on her needs could trigger yet another school change.

Agreed, and it's not just the iPad. There is a lot of stuff that is different about Waldorf, both in terms of the curriculum and in terms of the student/parent culture. We were at a different Waldorf school (in a different state) and left after preK because: A) we knew we were moving and would not be using Waldorf in elementary, so needed DC to learn to read in kindy; and B) I found the culture very insular and clubby. I mean, we check all of the boxes (no TV, super crunchy, into instrumental music and handmade crafts) but still couldn't "crack" the parent community there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would second taking a look at Waldorf but make sure you can live with the philosophy because if your kid enjoys the iPad, movies, etc. it will only make her more anxious to be at school where those things are frowned upon.

Agree with others, you need to address the anxiety and figure out what's going on then look for a school. Moving schools before you have a handle on her needs could trigger yet another school change.

Agreed, and it's not just the iPad. There is a lot of stuff that is different about Waldorf, both in terms of the curriculum and in terms of the student/parent culture. We were at a different Waldorf school (in a different state) and left after preK because: A) we knew we were moving and would not be using Waldorf in elementary, so needed DC to learn to read in kindy; and B) I found the culture very insular and clubby. I mean, we check all of the boxes (no TV, super crunchy, into instrumental music and handmade crafts) but still couldn't "crack" the parent community there.

But that's specific to your school. I know parents with kids at waldorf who are totally down to earth/normal and really love the school. The cliquey stuff varies so much from parent cohort to parent cohort.