Help re school for anxious, smart, possibly GT/LD introverted second grader.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's interesting that you try to put some distance between your kid and PP's kid. If you do end up going to get a neuropsych or see a specialist to get more information you may find them telling you that these types of kids are more similar than you think.
Some just internalize their anxiety and other externalize. The externalizers tend to get more attention and are labeled bad kids while there's more sympathy to the ones who internalize everything but the pain the kids are feeling comes from the same place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's interesting that you try to put some distance between your kid and PP's kid. If you do end up going to get a neuropsych or see a specialist to get more information you may find them telling you that these types of kids are more similar than you think.
Some just internalize their anxiety and other externalize. The externalizers tend to get more attention and are labeled bad kids while there's more sympathy to the ones who internalize everything but the pain the kids are feeling comes from the same place.

Whoa! I didn't try to put some distance between them. I just don't want to assume they're the same -- which PP didn't do either. I doubt any two kids are just alike. For one thing, PP mentioned "severe dyslexia", which is definitely not an issue for us. Not that that means her kid has bigger issues or more issues than ours, just some different issues. We don't know what our issue(s) are yet, so I really can't say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's interesting that you try to put some distance between your kid and PP's kid. If you do end up going to get a neuropsych or see a specialist to get more information you may find them telling you that these types of kids are more similar than you think.
Some just internalize their anxiety and other externalize. The externalizers tend to get more attention and are labeled bad kids while there's more sympathy to the ones who internalize everything but the pain the kids are feeling comes from the same place.

Whoa! I didn't try to put some distance between them. I just don't want to assume they're the same -- which PP didn't do either. I doubt any two kids are just alike. For one thing, PP mentioned "severe dyslexia", which is definitely not an issue for us. Not that that means her kid has bigger issues or more issues than ours, just some different issues. We don't know what our issue(s) are yet, so I really can't say.

Oh, also, I would add that I of course recognize that kids can react to anxiety by both internalizing it (which my kids has seemed to do so far) or externalizing it (like PP's kid). I certainly don't doubt that the source of those two behaviors can be the same thing. I don't think I said (or thought) anything that implied otherwise, and certainly not that a kid who externalizes it is a "bad kid". Gosh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Montessori? Oneness?

I wondered about this, but I would think that if a child is particularly distractible, a classroom with 30 kids would not be the best fit.

exactly what I thought! Too many kids specially in lower grades.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op, would love to hear an update? My kid sounds similar.

[Anonymous]

Np here. I would definitely get the neuropsych. You may not get a diagnosis (and you may never get a diagnosis) but you will likely get enough information to be able to talk to your daughter's current school about how to help her (if they are willing) and find a better placement for next year if that is your goal. I have one child with HFA and ADHD and another who doesn't have a diagnosis but has had a neuropsych which has identified working memory deficits, etc. She doesn't get services in school but she's aware of the issue and she knows how she has to study (she's a teen). It definitely caused more problems when she was younger. In terms of schools, given your dd's anxiety, I would try to find a school that lasts at least through 8th grade and not one that only goes through 3rd like some pp's have suggested (e.g., Primary Day) to eliminate multiple transitions for her. I've heard wonderful things about St. Andrews in Potomac so I would add that to your list. I know Jewish people who go there so I don't think it is overly religious even though it is an Episcopalian school. One more thing - if you don't like the therapist your ped recommended, find another . It's taken me many years to find a therapist who could truly help my kids (I'm no longer in the DC area or I would give you the name of mine).

[Anonymous]

I would recommend St. Andrews as well and inquire about financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- Just a note to send a cyber hug. Our DC with ADHD inattentive (diagnosed in 4th grade) went from being completely miserable, anxious and extremely depressed (even saying the world would be better without him/her) to being a happy middle and (now) high schooler who (mostly) likes school, has friends, and does pretty well. So while not all of the ADHD challenges were solved by a school change (bring bright with inattention is hard -- you get the math easily but make careless errors so conceptually you get an "A" but you get a "B" on your report card!)!), many of them were. A smaller setting where people have time to get to know your strengths can be huge when you are grappling with your areas of challenge. So this is just to say your daughter is SO lucky to have you. You are asking all of the right questions. And it will get better. Be good to yourself; crying about a child is one of the worst feelings in the world. Big hugs.

PP - would you mind sharing the school you sent your child to? You DC sounds so much like my DC. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my grand daughter on second grade. She taught herself to read on the computer at age three and had zero academic issues but suddenly started crying at school and at home. We changed to our neighborhood school mid year( Sonegate). The other school was a language magnet. At Stonegate She had a wonderful very supportive imaginative teacher who loved her sensitive and quirky nature. She cheered up but continued to have social problems. In 4 th grade we finally got our appointment at KKI and she was diagnosed with very mild autism ( Aspergers) and ADHD. So get on the list
now. In
Middle school we changed to a MCPS special program for Aspergers. She is doing well and is a very happy kid
Now. So please keep looking for solutions for your daughter. You can find a better place for her. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Seriously, please share the Bethesda school!! Why protect a school doing this? I have a similar child and we are in Bethesda...

To the OP--get the neuropsych now. We got one at 4 with Children's (who said they are totally able to do it even at that young age) and got a diagnosis of ADHD combined type (and he is mostly inattentive). We also felt he had some anxiety, but that has eased up over the years as he now can really communicate when he's nervously and we walk through plans together which helps. We started medication for the ADHD, which has made a big difference. In fact, we are in the opposite position in that we are at a small private but now feel like we might be good to go in public. You really can't make good school decisions for your child until you know exactly what you are dealing with.

[Anonymous]

BUMP

[Anonymous]

OP, I also suggest a full neuropsych exam. KKI and Children's both have waitlists, but you can ask to be called in case of a cancellation. When we took DS to KKI we only waited 6 weeks due to a cancellation. I am also going to suggest going to look at McLean School. A lot has changed there in the past few years (we have been there since K and have lived through these changes). What has not changed is their ability to take a child in crisis and rebuild their self-esteem. Just like any school, it is not for everyone (there will be some who will bash it due to their personal experiences, and they have a right to their opinions. However, it is worth looking at, as are all the schools mentioned to you so far.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read through the entire thread, but I have two GT/LD kids, and one NT kid. MY GT/LD kids both started struggling in school around second grade. I know it's expensive, but you need an independent Neuro/Psych eval. My DS had his done through an NIH study, which was excellent. You can search on NIH's website for ongoing studies. They are non-therapeutic, but can be extremely helpful. We also got the run around from our school about not needing interventions because he was working on grade level. We ended up hiring an advocate, and finally got a very comprehensive IEP. We also were able to get him into the MoCo GT/LD program. It is a fabulous program, but I will say it fell apart in MS, so we enrolled him a private. He's doing well, and has good support and weekly therapy and exec functioning tutoring.

http://montgomeryschoolsmd.org/curriculum/enriched/gtld/

Our other GT/LD kid did a private Neuro/Psych eval, and because she presented very differently, was able to stay at her private, and with tutoring, therapy, and supports. She's a HS Jr at a great private and doing well. I'd rather not name my kids' schools, but they are frequently named schools on this board.

One advantage my kids have is that neither of them have behavioral issues other than some anxiety. So they are willing to work with their therapists and accept extra supports when needed.

Good luck! (and you should cross post on SN forum)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Quick update: we are on the wait list at Children's. But child is significantly happier at school these days. I did the parent evaluation checklist in advance, and she had some of the markers for ADHD inattentive, but below the number that they said would mean it was a positive screening result. However, she ways WAY over the number of "yes" answers for a positive screening result for anxiety. Anyway, that's a blunt tool but a little data.
We truly can't afford private school except parochial. We are applying to a couple, in case it seems really necessary in a couple months. But the kid said school now is "good". So hard to know whether a switch still makes sense. Teacher gives only positive feedback.

[Anonymous]

You're describing my son in 1st grade (although he had a better time w/ making friends, the academic approach - No Child at the time) made him extremely anxious. He cried daily.

We switched to Wash.Waldorf years ago. He still cried sometimes - he's just the sensitive kid that will experience that anxiety. But they worked with him and understand him and gave him classroom jobs that went to his skills and built his confidence. I could go on but long story short I'm grateful every day. He's in middle school @ WWS now and we're happy.

Financial aid: Waldorf's mission is to make its education as affordable as possible to families. It offers financial aid in the 90% in the DC area for number of total students receiving aid. Also the tuition is in the lowest quartile. So there's a good chance you'd qualify for some aid.

One note: All private schools raise funds through annual giving. That's in addition to the stated tuition (minus financial aid). But because they are non-profit organizations it allows you to write it off as a tax break. I was a public school kid and put myself through state school and had no idea about this aspect of private schools.