is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

If you have a kid at an elite school, this is the best opportunity for them to find a like minded spouse…..once you hit 30….good luck….you will likely marry a loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college. Online porn addiction is real and online dating apps have displaced old-school flirtation and asking a girl out.

Women can approach in the workplace…

It’s only issue one direction.

+1. Men who approach women can (sometimes do; I have seen it happen) get accused of sexual harassment. Women safely can approach men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long, but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college.

Writing as a guy, the big problem is that the messaging to guys at college and in the workplace now stresses avoiding sexual harassment accusations. So at least some guys, probably many guys, tread very very carefully about asking a girl out. I am told it did not used to be this way.

Gals can ask a guy out with any risk of a sexual harassment accusation, by contrast, at college or in the workplace. Gals who pick their guys will have more guys to choose from than gals who wait to be asked. The early bird gets the worm.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the Midwest and many young people in my circle have met their spouse while in college. These couples are waiting for a few years after college to actually marry though. My own adult children have said meeting people at college is much easier than post college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

Unfortunately, porn fills the void for many young guys. So unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

On our tour of SLACs in the NE, every fourth or fifth boy on campus we saw was wearing a dress. I am not exaggerating.

Haha. Suure they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my wife at an elite college. We wanted to have a big family ASAP, so we got married immediately after graduation and had a bunch of kids over ten years. If your kid is at college and finds the person they know they want to have children with, it would be dumb not to seal the deal. But it’s not for everyone, just those who want to get right down to the business of raising a family. You should know your kid well enough to sense whether or not they are cut out for early parenthood. And yes, knowing that we were backstopped by a lot of family money — such that it was inconceivable that our kids would ever suffer deprivation — gave us confidence.

And how many college kids have that bubble of privilege?

[Anonymous]

My college freshman daughter has asked a few guys for coffee/breakfast this year and they have said no.
The latest was this week and they guy basically said he was busy and would be busy 'all month."

She's lovely, thin, smart, well dressed, etc.
I have no idea what's wrong. She has no trouble making female friends, has a great group who are also lovely.
She's about to give up entirely. I joke to myself that maybe she should date women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college freshman daughter has asked a few guys for coffee/breakfast this year and they have said no.
The latest was this week and they guy basically said he was busy and would be busy 'all month."

She's lovely, thin, smart, well dressed, etc.
I have no idea what's wrong. She has no trouble making female friends, has a great group who are also lovely.
She's about to give up entirely. I joke to myself that maybe she should date women.

I feel like there is more to this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college. Online porn addiction is real and online dating apps have displaced old-school flirtation and asking a girl out.

Women can approach in the workplace…

It’s only issue one direction.

+1. Men who approach women can (sometimes do; I have seen it happen) get accused of sexual harassment. Women safely can approach men.

Yeah. It's because men can and do kill women sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

+1
My slightly nerdy husband and I have been in a solid marriage for 20+ years. The athletes I dated are on their 2nd+ marriages.

The athletes got you when you were not as ran thru, younger and then got married then upgraded.

Your slightly nerdy husband got a used car and stuck with it thru the depreciation curve

Divorce and trophy wives are not a good result. Trust me on this. 50 year old you will thank 40 year old you. The women you get on that second trip to the buffet are just not the same. Why the hell would they marry you when there is a fresh new crop of men every year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

NP. I think the bigger reason things do not tend to work out for these women is most of them struggle with mental illness, as studies have shown.

What are you saying? Please post links to these "studies."
I work with medical residents and many of the women resident physicians are single, attractive, brilliant, close to 30 and have a terrifically hard time meeting men and none of them are mentally ill. It's the same every year so isn't unique to one class of residents. If you gave me a piece of paper right now I could write down 30 names that fit this description.

It's very, very, very hard to meet men in 2025 if you are a highly educated woman in your later 20s or early 30s.

If there's one piece of advice I can give to college young women who are interested in marriage it's to not postpone dating until post college.
Sure, it works for some but it works for far fewer women in 2025 than it did when we (moms in our late 40s, early 50s) were in our youth.

I can confirm this. My wife and I were surgical residents together and are now practice in academic settings with residents. It's been wonderful to see extremely talented women go down the surgery path, and I love seeing photos of "all women cases" where everyone in the room is a woman. But its hard for many of them to pair up because their male counterparts are often already in relationships, more interested in dating nurses etc. No one blinks an eye at the latter, but there there is a double standard in the hospital if one of our female residents dates a male nurse or a radiology technician. Even dating non-surgeon medical residents has an odd dynamic (for some insecure guys), so not as common as one might think. Looking backwards, a striking number of female co-residents for my wife never got married, which is tragic because these women are truly amazing as people (not just as surgeons). My kids have a lot of aunts...

Medical community's biggest problem is obsession with inbreeding. They'll be better off being more open minded and expanding their lives. Self segregation isn't serving their majority.

Another observation is that, educated and well earning men (straight or gay) are more open to partners with less education or income but similar level women develop delusion of grandeur and only consider equal or higher. If they are with such partners, they get rid of them once finished with training and don't need support.

Women have a tendency towards hypergamy. They want to "marry up" and we have seen the effects on dating apps where all the women are chasing the same top 3% of guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college freshman daughter has asked a few guys for coffee/breakfast this year and they have said no.
The latest was this week and they guy basically said he was busy and would be busy 'all month."

She's lovely, thin, smart, well dressed, etc.
I have no idea what's wrong. She has no trouble making female friends, has a great group who are also lovely.
She's about to give up entirely. I joke to myself that maybe she should date women.

Asking someone to breakfast might come off as odd. Try this: you're leaving class, you say: want to get lunch?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

So are Asian students dating and finding potential mates


This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."

Asians have had to deal with their daughters bringing home white guys for a while now.

Um, it’s whites having to deal with their sons bringing Asian girls

It's more like close minded parents of all races having to deal with their kids being more openminded and not using racists criteria to limit who they become friends with or have romantic relationships.

This is not the conversation. Someone claimed that a student body that was, among other things, too asian leads to bad marriage outcomes. As a percentage of marriages asians (particularly asian women) have a higher rate of mixed marriages than white men because of differences in population size. So if we could get used to it, so can you. If it's good enough for Zuckerberg it's probably good enough for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college freshman daughter has asked a few guys for coffee/breakfast this year and they have said no.
The latest was this week and they guy basically said he was busy and would be busy 'all month."

She's lovely, thin, smart, well dressed, etc.
I have no idea what's wrong. She has no trouble making female friends, has a great group who are also lovely.
She's about to give up entirely. I joke to myself that maybe she should date women.

You are omitting something.