Are you starting to resent your elderly parent being alive?

[Anonymous]

My God you people are insane. Provided care for my parents for a decade. Don’t regret a second of it, least I could do for them after all they did for me.

I am a boomer, so not all of us are selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my mother but I never thought she would live this long, now 92 and going healthy strong. She lives with us and is easy going and helpful but my spouse and I are older- mid 60’s. Unlike her, we have ailments.

She can’t afford a nursing home, we can’t afford to pay one for her, my sibling can’t be counted on. I am starting to hate her, I feel awful. I’m at least glad to vent my feelings out here. thanks.

I wish there was an end date where you die in your sleep at 85.

Your mom being dead wouldn't make you healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My God you people are insane. Provided care for my parents for a decade. Don’t regret a second of it, least I could do for them after all they did for me.

I am a boomer, so not all of us are selfish.

It's almost like different families are different and not everyone has the exact same experience or situation as you do, though.

Weird, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my mother but I never thought she would live this long, now 92 and going healthy strong. She lives with us and is easy going and helpful but my spouse and I are older- mid 60’s. Unlike her, we have ailments.

She can’t afford a nursing home, we can’t afford to pay one for her, my sibling can’t be counted on. I am starting to hate her, I feel awful. I’m at least glad to vent my feelings out here. thanks.

I wish there was an end date where you die in your sleep at 85.

Your mom being dead wouldn't make you healthy.

But it would give her bandwidth to focus on her own health and well being instead of making sure her 92 year old mother is okay.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, no, OP. I love my parents and I feel so thankful they are still here. I am 52 and they are 82 and 75. My kids are 18 and 13 and I want my parents to live many more years so that my kids’ lives can overlap with theirs as long as possible. I feel lucky that my one grandmother was alive until I was in my mid-thirties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My God you people are insane. Provided care for my parents for a decade. Don’t regret a second of it, least I could do for them after all they did for me.

I am a boomer, so not all of us are selfish.

But some are selfish so then it sucks to take care of them. Your parents were probably lovely parents and grandparents. It then feels natural to help these types of people.

[Anonymous]

My sense is that a lot of the people here with very strong opinions have not yet been through the weirdness that is “living with an extremely elderly parent.” We had one elderly relative who was basically housebound and ninety but insisted that someone make a reservation, purchase a plane ticket and come to her home in the other side of the country in order to fill her window boxes with geraniums in the spring. No matter that we were all still working full time in our sixties, helping out with grandchildren, still having to be careful with our annual leave, dealing with our own medical issues and doctors appointments and surgeries and medical tests etc etc etc. Many of them do expect their children to serve as some sort of on-call concierge service. The people with the opinions also haven’t had to contend with the gender bias that these old codgers have. I.E. extremely elderly mom can’t under why after she breaks her hip you can’t drop everything and stay with elderly dad for three weeks while she is in rehab since he refuses to do any cooking or laundry or cleaning. It’s not “men’s work”, don’t you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most people commenting have no idea how hard it is to be a constant caregiver. I do think it's a challenge for caregivers that medications are allowing many people to live to very old age

This. And, yes, OP, I feel that way, too, although it's clearly not acceptable to share that given the responses here.

NP - I concur.

My 90 yo mom is downright nasty to me - and this was before the dementia. I have learned to avoid certain topics - which is pretty much anything because she will always find fault with anything I say or do. I tell myself she has an undiagnosed mental illness to get me through the day.

I think people need to understand that not all old ladies are 'cute' and 'sweet'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most people commenting have no idea how hard it is to be a constant caregiver. I do think it's a challenge for caregivers that medications are allowing many people to live to very old age

It seems like some of you just don’t get that other people in similar circumstances would not all feel the same way, or want the same things as you and people like you who are making similar comments. It’s ok. Different people are different. You really don’t need to over generalize about the rest of us te reach a point where you can feel comfortable with your own feelings and decisions.

And yes, as the only surviving “child” in my generation, with divorced parents — not amicably— I do have some idea how hard it can be to be a caregiver.

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked at the casual use of the word "hate". Word choice matters. I really can't get past that. I think some time with a social worker is needed - especially because they could help figure out a better living arrangement. You Mother probably qualifies for Medicaid and an entrance into a place where she can have socialization. You, you could have a life. Get your life back. Get help.

[Anonymous]

My mom, my children’s only involved/interested grandparent, died of cancer at 61. I was 38 and my kids were 10 and 7.

What I wouldn’t give for OP’s problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom, my children’s only involved/interested grandparent, died of cancer at 61. I was 38 and my kids were 10 and 7.

What I wouldn’t give for OP’s problem.

I agree, and my heart goes out to you. I would give anything to still have my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most people commenting have no idea how hard it is to be a constant caregiver. I do think it's a challenge for caregivers that medications are allowing many people to live to very old age

This. And, yes, OP, I feel that way, too, although it's clearly not acceptable to share that given the responses here.

NP - I concur.

My 90 yo mom is downright nasty to me - and this was before the dementia. I have learned to avoid certain topics - which is pretty much anything because she will always find fault with anything I say or do. I tell myself she has an undiagnosed mental illness to get me through the day.

I think people need to understand that not all old ladies are 'cute' and 'sweet'.

I guess we all know how you'll be acting as an older woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most people commenting have no idea how hard it is to be a constant caregiver. I do think it's a challenge for caregivers that medications are allowing many people to live to very old age

This. And, yes, OP, I feel that way, too, although it's clearly not acceptable to share that given the responses here.

Just make sure you leave this world by 75 so no one will have to put up with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with the threads recently of people sad they still have parents.

while some of us lost our one of ours even before we we born.

ungreatful af.

+1