Are you starting to resent your elderly parent being alive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my mother but I never thought she would live this long, now 92 and going healthy strong. She lives with us and is easy going and helpful but my spouse and I are older- mid 60’s. Unlike her, we have ailments.

She can’t afford a nursing home, we can’t afford to pay one for her, my sibling can’t be counted on. I am starting to hate her, I feel awful. I’m at least glad to vent my feelings out here. thanks.

I wish there was an end date where you die in your sleep at 85.

Wait, what? Why would you want her gone when she can take care of you? She’s in better health than you.

[Anonymous]

No, I could never hate my parents. I don't care how burdensome or difficult caregiving becomes. And I've already been through it with one of my parents. It was probably the most stressful time in my life.

[Anonymous]

Seems like most people commenting have no idea how hard it is to be a constant caregiver. I do think it's a challenge for caregivers that medications are allowing many people to live to very old age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of replies from people who do not live with their parents here! My mom lives with us, she's not that old yet, and I could see it getting to this stage. When she moved in my husband told her "you have a place to live for the rest of your life" and I was like ?!!!?!?!!?!?!

She gets a pension and still has her own home that she rents out, so if she ever needs more supported care we can sell the house to get her into a home. But sometimes it's very annoying to have her underfoot and I think people who are calling OP ugly names need to realize it's easier to love a person from a distance. My mom didn't annoy me at all when she lived 7 states away!

You’re crazy. My mom lives with us. She’s a godsend. She cooks, cleans, does the laundry, helps the kids with homework, etc. Without her I’d have to outsource all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most people commenting have no idea how hard it is to be a constant caregiver. I do think it's a challenge for caregivers that medications are allowing many people to live to very old age

Except in OP’s situation, the mom is the caregiver because she’s healthier than OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most people commenting have no idea how hard it is to be a constant caregiver. I do think it's a challenge for caregivers that medications are allowing many people to live to very old age

Except in OP’s situation, the mom is the caregiver because she’s healthier than OP.

+1. That’s what’s being misunderstood here. OP is resenting that her mom is in better health than she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of replies from people who do not live with their parents here! My mom lives with us, she's not that old yet, and I could see it getting to this stage. When she moved in my husband told her "you have a place to live for the rest of your life" and I was like ?!!!?!?!!?!?!

She gets a pension and still has her own home that she rents out, so if she ever needs more supported care we can sell the house to get her into a home. But sometimes it's very annoying to have her underfoot and I think people who are calling OP ugly names need to realize it's easier to love a person from a distance. My mom didn't annoy me at all when she lived 7 states away!

You’re crazy. My mom lives with us. She’s a godsend. She cooks, cleans, does the laundry, helps the kids with homework, etc. Without her I’d have to outsource all that.

Yeah, but if she stops pulling her weight, you are pulling the plug, right?

[Anonymous]

yes boomers are selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes boomers are selfish

You must mean OP, because a 92 year old isn’t a Boomer.

[Anonymous]

So she will most likely be taking care of you in your 70s. Should be nice to her, she will pick your nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Every day I am thrilled that my inlaws are dead. **rolls around in inheritance**

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? No.

Even if my parents live beyond their ability to fully live, I won't resent them for it.

NP here

Well, circle back after you've had a 90 year old living with you for more than two weeks.

If you know, you know.

But OP said her mother is easy-going, helpful, and doesn't have any ailments.

[Anonymous]

No, I never resented my parents for being alive. I’d give anything for a few more hours with my Mom. What I did resent was not having more resources/ a larger family to share in the caregiving and other responsibilities. I also felt torn, in my parents last days — that my wish for more time with them was in conflict with what they were enduring.

I do resent the impact that my caregiving responsibilities— that I willingly took on — have had on other aspects of my life, but I resented society, not my parents. (As in: being the legal next of kin planning for hospital discharges wasn’t about my parents or even their needs — it was about insurance, and the way this country truly doesn’t value and support the elderly or family caregivers.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of replies from people who do not live with their parents here! My mom lives with us, she's not that old yet, and I could see it getting to this stage. When she moved in my husband told her "you have a place to live for the rest of your life" and I was like ?!!!?!?!!?!?!

She gets a pension and still has her own home that she rents out, so if she ever needs more supported care we can sell the house to get her into a home. But sometimes it's very annoying to have her underfoot and I think people who are calling OP ugly names need to realize it's easier to love a person from a distance. My mom didn't annoy me at all when she lived 7 states away!

To what stage? OP said her mother is healthy and helpful to her and her dh, both of whom have ailments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is easy going, healthy and helpful, what do you resent?

I took this post to mean her health given OP’s health struggles. The mom seems to have no health ailments.

I’m sorry you feel that burden OP.