Second Shift - sucks for dads too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

then start the dryer when you get home.

If you love mildew scented clothes!

Then, start a load when you get home. Put it in the dryer at dinner time. Fold it and put it away after dinner. You can still manage to do ONE load a day. Use your critical thinking skills. This isn’t rocket science.

We get home and are making dinner, cleaning kitchen, helping kids with homework. And sometimes finishing work.

Get home, go to the bathroom. Put a load in the wash. Get kids settled with whatever they do before dinner. Start dinner. After dinner, when one of you is cleaning up the dishes, the other swaps clothes from washer to dryer. Then, fold later in the evening when it is done.

Yup, huge help to not be doing laundry all weekend. One grownup makes dinner, the other takes the kids to do laundry. Also helps get any recently stained clothes straight to the wash.

Laundry moves over after dinner, and washing machine is done running before bath time (old house w limited hot water).

Really tho, we have much more breathing space as the older is in K now. Both kids usually sleep through the night, there are no more diapers, everyone eats the same thing for dinner etc.

But it only takes one round of gastro or flu to feel like we are gonna be behind forever. Both kids are bad sleepers for a week or so after being sick.

[Anonymous]

Some of my favorite memories with my daughter is going to the laundromat on Saturday. We’d bring popcorn and books and cards. I was actually kind of sad when we moved into an apartment building when she was 12 or so.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t know how old your kids are but they need to be helping with household chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

No soups, chilis or stews? No dals or lentil salads that can last a few days? No extra chicken that can be used for casadillas ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

What kind of things do you cook from scratch every night?

[Anonymous]

You are making it too hard if you cook from scratch every night. My mom made hamburger helper when I was a kid. She made Spam, not a great cook, but efficient! So I figured out that wouldn't work for me, so I figured out how to meal prep. Usually make large meals and freeze, so pull out in am to refrigerate to defrost or defrost and reheat at night. My kids did their own laundry and changed washed their sheets. House has been a mess since COVID. You need to figure out where your time is wasted and reduce that. Where can you get time for yourself so you aren't constantly burned out and make that a priority. It is hard right now, let things go where you can. Wash laundry on weekends between kids activities or your activities. Maybe drop some activities so you aren't rushing between things. if

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!


I thought it was fabulous and amazing to be a WOHM, and SAHMs were a waste of space!!

I thought - SAHMs provided zero value when - house was clean, laundry done, meals cooked, grocery bought, cars serviced, house organized, bills paid, drycleaning picked, social engagements met, entertaining done, kids school and ECs nailed, eldercare sorted, petcare done, yardwork sorted, haircuts scheduled, wellness checkups done, dental and eye exams done, home remodeling/improvement thoughtfully done.

Oh dear! What happened?? Why has life become so shitty???

Wow, scrapping the barrel there.

lol that one and “paying bills”. Sahm always list this as an important task and really how long does this take?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

The things that helped us during those younger children years:

Prioritizing sleep- getting enough sleep made us more efficient and less tired.
Getting an every other week cleaning lady
Doing laundry one load at a time throughout the week
Double or triple batch cooking on the weekend, we also cooked enough to bring in leftovers for lunch

Its was still a slog, but it was much more manageable when we did those things.

We cook from scratch every night. We dont eat casseroles or things that keep well for 2-3 days nor pack well for lunch. Plus my spouse and one daughter is a vegetarian which complicates meal planning.

Hilarious you think casseroles are the only thing that will “keep”.

Batch cook and use your freezer. Buy those one cup silicone freezer molds. Make a giant pot of pasta sauce and freeze in one cup blocks. Does your family eat chili? That also freezes well.

Roasted potatoes and sweet potatoes also freeze really well and can be heated up in an air fryer in 7 minutes.

Get creative with your meal planning. Make a double portion of protein Monday. Eat it with a side of roasted potatoes and some kind of vegetable. Tuesday can be rice/other grain depending on preference bowls with the same protein. Get a rice cooker. That night while you’re prepping dinner make a big pot of pasta. Wednesday will be pasta night, using your delicious frozen premade sauce.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that's how it was when the kids were little, but that's like, what, at most 10 years? Things are now MUCH easier, and you can get through this, and it will teach you how to be efficient and make you a better person.

I literally don't remember ever having time to sit down and watch TV in those days. But the time passed in a blur and we survived it.

[Anonymous]

For various reasons we stopped at one child. DC is in 1st grade and life is pretty easy now. But the first 5 years were rough and I honestly don't know if my marriage or mental health would have survived another child. Working full time and raising young kids is so, so hard and it doesn't feel like anyone else cares or has any empathy or understanding about it. Even though their futures depend on there being a next generation (we can't even get self driving cars right, the AI hype is way overblown)

[Anonymous]

When I see these posts, I always wonder if the OP had a SAHP or is generally unobservant. I and most of my millennial friends came from dual income families and our lives are pretty similar to what we grew up with (particularly those with transplant parents). In many ways, I have it easier than my parents: remote work exists, I have more disposable income, cities are much safer. Yeah, it’s a ton of work, but that’s not new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I see these posts, I always wonder if the OP had a SAHP or is generally unobservant. I and most of my millennial friends came from dual income families and our lives are pretty similar to what we grew up with (particularly those with transplant parents). In many ways, I have it easier than my parents: remote work exists, I have more disposable income, cities are much safer. Yeah, it’s a ton of work, but that’s not new.

Exactly. With remote work now being an option, it’s exponentially easier for dual working millennials than it was for earlier generations of parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I see these posts, I always wonder if the OP had a SAHP or is generally unobservant. I and most of my millennial friends came from dual income families and our lives are pretty similar to what we grew up with (particularly those with transplant parents). In many ways, I have it easier than my parents: remote work exists, I have more disposable income, cities are much safer. Yeah, it’s a ton of work, but that’s not new.

I’m a little older that you (tail end of Gen X) but agree with this. My parents both worked FT and had four kids. My mom did work PT for a couple of years (5?) when she had all four of us kids back to back. I don’t remember my parents really having any free time until we were much older. Maybe after 9pm or on a Saturday night or something. They also didn’t have much $. We were working class.

I will say that some things were different then, which probably made things easier. We didn’t have any family in our town but there was more of a sense of community & seemed to be more flexible childcare options. My parents used daycare but also knew several middle aged or younger elderly women (neighbors, friends from church etc) who babysat for pocket money. Also teenagers actually wanted to babysit to earn spending $ and did not charge terribly much. So when daycare or main options fell through, there were always affordable/accessible alternatives.

There were also fewer expectations of parents in terms of “entertainment”, activities, etc. We mostly just played with whatever other kids were around, went to the park etc. They were not running us back and forth to various sports etc. I think I grew up on the very tail end of the era where this was “normal”.

Kids also had a lot more chores and responsibilities, and were expected to fend for themselves for a few hours (or supervise younger siblings) from much younger ages than would be considered normal now.

I don’t know that all of the above is necessarily “better” but it was different than most families today, for sure.