Second Shift - sucks for dads too

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely hard and hopefully one of you can find a job with at least some flexibility. It’s really the only way it can be manageable.

[Anonymous]

I think the only way to live in this area is if you make a very good salary and you live close to work. Traffic gets worse every year. I cannot wait to retire and leave. It's a difficult area for young families.

[Anonymous]

I guess it just depends on how you look at it. I’m sure unemployed people would love your situation. Ditto for parents of kids with health issues/special needs. I’m a single parent so I to what you go by myself 24/7 on one meager salary.

Remember to stop sometimes and feel grateful for everything you do have. Today I felt grateful that I was able to get outside and take a walk in the sunshine. The laundry and errands and negative bank balance will always be there but a 60+ degree sunny day in February is what I choose to be grateful for.

[Anonymous]

It sucks but it does not last forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it is really hard OP. That's why young people don't want kids anymore. Depending on your kids age, it might be worth considering big changes. Can one spouse possibly find another job with some telework? Can you possibly relocate closer to family or relocate family closer to you (assuming they are willing to help)? I think it is very very hard and soul crushing for 2 commuting working parents with normal schedules that does not outsource anything. It is just too much.

I am sad because I love my kids dearly, they see and stressed out. We are all the time despite our best efforts to mask it and put on a happy face and I know that they try to not ask us for help for things when they’re having problems, and they also probably will not have their own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

Whenever parents complain about this, I always ask, what exactly did you think raising kids was going to be like?

If you grew up in the 80s/90s, this was what life was. Regular daily life was come home, cook dinner, do chores, go to bed. Weekends were more chores, being dragged by your parents to run errands, and trips to the park. A couple times a year you went to the movies, maybe once a month you'd go out for pizza.

Our parents didn't have hobbies. Hell, my parents spent weekends buying junk at flea markets and then re-selling them at our garage sales for extra cash because their salaries didn't cover everything. That was their "hobby".

Messes AND financial problems are easily solved by, get rid of all the crap in your house and quit buying more.

I also want to check their screen time. My xH spent hours a day scrolling his phone, then complained he never had time for anything he wanted to do. Well, duh. Instead of spending 45 minutes pooping, get it done in 2 minutes then go do whatever it is you actually want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it just depends on how you look at it. I’m sure unemployed people would love your situation. Ditto for parents of kids with health issues/special needs. I’m a single parent so I to what you go by myself 24/7 on one meager salary.

Remember to stop sometimes and feel grateful for everything you do have. Today I felt grateful that I was able to get outside and take a walk in the sunshine. The laundry and errands and negative bank balance will always be there but a 60+ degree sunny day in February is what I choose to be grateful for.

I mean, sure, my own parents were war refugees, so there’s always someone who was a worse situation. But it doesn’t really help when my house is too messy that my kids don’r have friends over for play dates because they are put off by the mess because their parents all stay home and and have homes that are immaculate magazine ready. Or that I am just too tired to go for a walk with them in the afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

then start the dryer when you get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it just depends on how you look at it. I’m sure unemployed people would love your situation. Ditto for parents of kids with health issues/special needs. I’m a single parent so I to what you go by myself 24/7 on one meager salary.

Remember to stop sometimes and feel grateful for everything you do have. Today I felt grateful that I was able to get outside and take a walk in the sunshine. The laundry and errands and negative bank balance will always be there but a 60+ degree sunny day in February is what I choose to be grateful for.

I mean, sure, my own parents were war refugees, so there’s always someone who was a worse situation. But it doesn’t really help when my house is too messy that my kids don’r have friends over for play dates because they are put off by the mess because their parents all stay home and and have homes that are immaculate magazine ready. Or that I am just too tired to go for a walk with them in the afternoon.

maybe talk with your doctor. You might need a sleep test or examine your diet to see if you are missing some essential nutrients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it just depends on how you look at it. I’m sure unemployed people would love your situation. Ditto for parents of kids with health issues/special needs. I’m a single parent so I to what you go by myself 24/7 on one meager salary.

Remember to stop sometimes and feel grateful for everything you do have. Today I felt grateful that I was able to get outside and take a walk in the sunshine. The laundry and errands and negative bank balance will always be there but a 60+ degree sunny day in February is what I choose to be grateful for.

I mean, sure, my own parents were war refugees, so there’s always someone who was a worse situation. But it doesn’t really help when my house is too messy that my kids don’r have friends over for play dates because they are put off by the mess because their parents all stay home and and have homes that are immaculate magazine ready. Or that I am just too tired to go for a walk with them in the afternoon.

We are all tired. I spend all day at school in a very overstimulating environment. Constant decision making, constant demands for my attention, etc. It is draining in a huge way but my kid didn’t ask to be born. Even when I’m tired, I’ll be taking walks with him while he scooters or bikes alongside. In a week, we will get another hour of daylight to be able to do this when we get home. That’s next weekend’s gift.

I’m a single mom living in a crappy one bedroom apartment with bugs. The washer/dryer in the basement is broken probably half of the time. I haven’t done laundry in 2 or 3 weeks. My kid’s friends don’t care about that when they come over. They care about playing with my son. If your kid is friends with kids whose parents won’t let them come to your house because you have too much dirty laundry, maybe you need to make new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

then start the dryer when you get home.

If you love mildew scented clothes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

Whenever parents complain about this, I always ask, what exactly did you think raising kids was going to be like?

If you grew up in the 80s/90s, this was what life was. Regular daily life was come home, cook dinner, do chores, go to bed. Weekends were more chores, being dragged by your parents to run errands, and trips to the park. A couple times a year you went to the movies, maybe once a month you'd go out for pizza.

Our parents didn't have hobbies. Hell, my parents spent weekends buying junk at flea markets and then re-selling them at our garage sales for extra cash because their salaries didn't cover everything. That was their "hobby".

Messes AND financial problems are easily solved by, get rid of all the crap in your house and quit buying more.

I also want to check their screen time. My xH spent hours a day scrolling his phone, then complained he never had time for anything he wanted to do. Well, duh. Instead of spending 45 minutes pooping, get it done in 2 minutes then go do whatever it is you actually want to do.

Oh you mean when you could live off of one parents income? I grew up in the 90s, my mom stayed home as did virtually every other kid I knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it just depends on how you look at it. I’m sure unemployed people would love your situation. Ditto for parents of kids with health issues/special needs. I’m a single parent so I to what you go by myself 24/7 on one meager salary.

Remember to stop sometimes and feel grateful for everything you do have. Today I felt grateful that I was able to get outside and take a walk in the sunshine. The laundry and errands and negative bank balance will always be there but a 60+ degree sunny day in February is what I choose to be grateful for.

I mean, sure, my own parents were war refugees, so there’s always someone who was a worse situation. But it doesn’t really help when my house is too messy that my kids don’r have friends over for play dates because they are put off by the mess because their parents all stay home and and have homes that are immaculate magazine ready. Or that I am just too tired to go for a walk with them in the afternoon.

We are all tired. I spend all day at school in a very overstimulating environment. Constant decision making, constant demands for my attention, etc. It is draining in a huge way but my kid didn’t ask to be born. Even when I’m tired, I’ll be taking walks with him while he scooters or bikes alongside. In a week, we will get another hour of daylight to be able to do this when we get home. That’s next weekend’s gift.

I’m a single mom living in a crappy one bedroom apartment with bugs. The washer/dryer in the basement is broken probably half of the time. I haven’t done laundry in 2 or 3 weeks. My kid’s friends don’t care about that when they come over. They care about playing with my son. If your kid is friends with kids whose parents won’t let them come to your house because you have too much dirty laundry, maybe you need to make new friends.

We have daughters, that’s part of it. Do you live in an area with SAHM or working parents?

[Anonymous]

It’s a mix of both. Most moms are just happy to get a few hours of freedom while one or more of their kids is at someone else’s house for a playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

Just a tangent. Good school districts were never good. Most of the great results are due to parents who supplemented. You need to stay in areas where you can afford a house on one salary so you can afford to supplement.