Second Shift - sucks for dads too

[Anonymous]

https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

[Anonymous]

Parenting is hard. There are many ways to live a life, and you can't have it all.

We have discussused with our Gen Z kids through out their lives our values and the choices and sacrifices we make to live up to those values with a clear understanding of what our life goals are. Being clear about those things helps a lot, and it gives clarity to the decisions you make and context for the sacrifices you make.

What is you family value chart? Where do time and intangibles sit on that chart relative to money and material gains?

This factors into every choice: where to live, how much to spend on housing, where to work, how long to commute, who should work, what to buy, what activites any of you can do, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the drama already. There will be jobs but they will look different. It's a normal evolution. Move closer to your jobs and spend time with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop with the drama already. There will be jobs but they will look different. It's a normal evolution. Move closer to your jobs and spend time with your kids.

Our jobs are in places with bad schools. We spent a fortune for the shortest commute of anyone in our offices!

[Anonymous]

Having at least some telework hours helps a lot because it allows you to avoid rush hour. I'm a lawyer and at least part time telework is the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having at least some telework hours helps a lot because it allows you to avoid rush hour. I'm a lawyer and at least part time telework is the norm.

We have none. At all.

I think what is making it worse is changing seasons and shuffling boxes of winter gear, yard cleanup, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having at least some telework hours helps a lot because it allows you to avoid rush hour. I'm a lawyer and at least part time telework is the norm.

Yeah if i could get back an a couple hours a week that would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

How many kids and ages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

Laundry is easy to tackle. Do a load daily. Put it in when you wake up. Put it in the dryer before you leave. take it out when you get home and fold it. One load is easy to take care of.

[Anonymous]

We can do hard things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

Laundry is easy to tackle. Do a load daily. Put it in when you wake up. Put it in the dryer before you leave. take it out when you get home and fold it. One load is easy to take care of.

NP. I don't think laundry is that difficult, but are you really around for an hour after you wake up? We're all out the door faster than that.

[Anonymous]

I would never leave the house with the dryer on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.fastcompany.com/91496750/new-second-shift-burning-out-both-parents

We are a dual working parent household and I so wish we had understood how awful it would be.

We both work in office, commute 30-60 min each way, and work 8-9 hour days. We thought this would be a reasonable setup, with one going in a little early and the other late to handle the morning and evening kid wrangling.

But it has just drained our entire life away. There is always a mess in the house (and now the yard, yay spring), weekends are errands, 7 piles of laundry, cleaning, yardwork.

We don’t make the kind of money we can outsource, like in the article above where they order out for dinner (I think us Millennials order the most takeout of any generation?).

We have no nearby family, no extra cash, and every moment is spoken for. And of course now apparently the good schools we slaved to afford to buy zoned for don’t matter because there won’t be any jobs for our kids.

Just a PSA to GenZ…

Laundry is easy to tackle. Do a load daily. Put it in when you wake up. Put it in the dryer before you leave. take it out when you get home and fold it. One load is easy to take care of.

Our HE washer takes 2 hrs and is tiny. House is tiny. Putting away anything is jumanji. I should have quit my job, moved to a cheaper and spacious far out house, spouse commute 1hr, and I SAH

[Anonymous]

I agree it is really hard OP. That's why young people don't want kids anymore. Depending on your kids age, it might be worth considering big changes. Can one spouse possibly find another job with some telework? Can you possibly relocate closer to family or relocate family closer to you (assuming they are willing to help)? I think it is very very hard and soul crushing for 2 commuting working parents with normal schedules that does not outsource anything. It is just too much.

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry, OP. I have a friend who lived like this for years when their kids were little. The kids would be dropped off at beforecare, AND they went to aftercare. Now they're out of the parenting trenches, which is a relief, but on the other hand, their jobs have become even worse with this administration: they actually had to split households because State Department rejiggered postings, so one is abroad with one kid, and the other is here with the other. They're not the only State Department family living like this. Bonkers.

I hope you can find relief soon.